Ear Candles

Are ear candles new to anyone but me? Apparently they've been around for a really, really long time but I heard of them for the first time last week. A friend of ours came over for small group and told us how a woman who works for him was talking about how great they were so he went to the health food store, bought a couple and tried them. He's now sold on them.

The process sounded so interesting I decided I just had to try it. Last weekend we stopped at the health food store to buy some. They must be highly scrutinized or something because you have to ask for them and they are behind the counter. I was amused. Not horribly expensive, mind you, just under tight security.

Then, following the instructions of our friend, we took a plate, cut a hole it in so if anything dripped or fell off, the face is protected. Another friend told us you're supposed to use tin or metal but all I had was a styrofoam plate and I didn't want to go get anything else (or wait actually) so we went with it. It's kind of weird - you stick this long thing in your ear, light the end on fire, and then it draws the gunk out of your ear. I could hear it crackling and an occasional whoosh like a big wind. It was all very strange--I mean, really, putting something in your head and lighting it on fire?

It wasn't until the second one was sticking out of my ear, on fire, that I realized what a good idea a tin plate would have been. No embers ever fell on the plate but I was suddenly aware that if one did, not only would I have this flaming candle sticking out of my ear, but I'd also have a fiery plate on my head.

I made the comment to Steve and he casually said "no, it's styrofoam. It won't be on fire on your face, it will just melt to it." Oh, silly me. Nothing to be concerned about after all. Freak.

At the end of it, sure enough, there was gunk in the bottom. A little creepy actually. Steve is skeptical that it's actually ear wax. He thinks it's wax from the ear candle (which isn't your typical candle texture). So, now I have to buy one to burn while not in an ear so we can see if it's really all it's cracked up to be. I'm sure you'll be on the edge of your seat waiting to hear the results.

Anyway, weird, random stuff we did this past week.

Resiliency, Persistence, and Scars

I've contemplated frequently these past 10 days about resiliency and persistence by watching my dog. I think at some point in the last 2 or 3 days Jake has come to realize the cone will be on his head for a while. The first several days he exerted much effort to get that thing off, obviously to no avail. He's recently been feisty and has figured out how to be active in spite of it. Further I've heard many stories about dogs who lose a leg (or two) but they just continue on with life and figure out their way around it. They seem to be so resilient. And persistent - let me tell you...the pictures below show how determined Jake was to play. He tried for several minutes to get his kitty in his mouth. Because of the cone it kept getting pushed around but eventually he got it.

I've thought about all this in the context of my spiritual life. I have wounds, scars, and permanent limps as the result of spiritual warfare. The truth is if a person doesn't have battle wounds, they're probably not in the midst of the battle. When we're doing what God wants us to do, we find a bullseye on our backs.

I'm also pretty sure God has put a cone or two around my neck over the years to help me focus on Him and not spend so much time looking at others around me. In the spiritual realm, peripheral vision is almost always detrimental. Keeping our eyes fixed on Christ is the key to victory in the Christian life. Focusing on the gifts and talents of others is a huge mistake. Wanting to fulfill the destiny Christ has for someone else is also a big no-no.

What if, like Jake, we stopped fighting what God has for us in this moment and just settled into keeping momentum? What if we persisted even when we're wounded? What if we didn't give up and believed God to do what he said he would do?

Resiliency. Persistence. So under emphasized yet so important.

And on that note, here's the pictures of Jake trying to play with his kitty....and then just look at Sam--doesn't he look as if he's feeling neglected? He's not but he acts like it. Can you say n-a-u-g-h-t-y?

Ahhhh, at last....

Christmas in Pictures

Here's just a few of the pictures from a few of our Christmas festivities. I forgot my camera on Christmas Day and at the ladies' Christmas party. Then I lent it to someone so I missed the event at Calvary too so while I missed some fun stuff, here's a few.

So, how ridiculous is this? A whopping 95% of these presents were for two people...Erica & Peter:

Christmas Eve..here's what my sis-in-law thinks of me taking her picture:

My favorite uncle in the whole world (and bro-in-law too!):

Peter passing out presents...he accidentally gave my brother a present that belonged to Erica and he was soon embarrassed when he opened "unmentionables". For the rest of us, it was a great laugh!

Erica giddy about her gifts:

Could there be a better gift than this (insert HUGE laughs here)?

Late night game (Tripoley is a family favorite):

The Christmas program:

Small Group White Elephant Christmas Party. Some of the gifts were HILARIOUS!

Merry Christmas

Silent Night

This morning I was reflecting back on the first Christmas Steve and I spent alone. In fact, it's one of only two that we've ever spent alone in our entire marriage. It was 1992 and I had spent the summer in Montana while Steve was deployed for 4 months. It was our 4th year being married and since I had spent the summer at home, we opted to pay off our truck and spend Christmas in North Carolina, just the two of us. It was also the first year we'd purchased a Christmas tree. Since we always came home it didn't make sense to waste money on a tree.

The neighborhood and air base were virtually deserted. We didn't go to church much then but found a place to attend candlelight service because we felt like that's what you do on Christmas (I know, how hypocritical). Then we went home, lit a fire in the fireplace, quietly opened our gifts and watched a movie. The next day we put on our coats and went to the beach. It was virtually deserted too--probably because it was winter and nobody in their right mind goes to the beach in December. We took a long walk with our faithful companion, Gizmo. He so loved to dig in the sand.

It was there I found a great treasure. A completely whole sand dollar. There were always tons on the beach but they were all broken, stepped on by one beach goer after another. But this one wasn't missing a single chip. It was a Christmas miracle! (insert laughs here) I loved it.

Truly, it was a silent night, a holy night. If only we'd been in the right place spiritually. It could have been an even greater Christmas.

Tonight will not be so silent. After candlelight service we will head to my mom's where the family will be gathered and the festivities will begin. My family is rarely quiet. We will laugh, tease, remember, and then go for the throat in competition. I love it too.

While I really cherish the memories of the two silent Christmases, I also cherish my noisy ones.

Christmas & Joy

I have to admit that I'm not particularly thrilled about Christmas this year. That's not at all like me. I'm usually giddy with excitement and up to my ears in Christmas cheer. I know exactly why I feel this way and it's all due to external circumstances. However, even knowing the source isn't helping me on the road to Christmas Joy.

Pastor Paul really hit the nail on the head with his sermon this past week (12/21/08). The problem is that I'm not remembering where the real joy of Christmas lies. I know it, but there is a world of difference between knowing something and really, truly believing it.

He began with a few thought provoking comments: if the joy of Christmas is in receiving gifts, there is no joy for those who won't get a gift this year; if the joy is in giving gifts, there is no joy for those who can't give a gift this year; if the joy is in time with family, there is no joy for those who don't have family. And we could go on and on about how limiting joy is based on external factors. But it's not. It's based on Christ. Here were his points based on Galatians 3:23 - 4:7 (not your typical Christmas message passage):

1) The Joy of Christmas begins with understanding that without Christ, we are prisoners to our sin and its consequences.

2) The Joy of Christmas grows in the realization that in Christ, we have been set free from the law we couldn’t keep.

3) The Joy of Christmas comes when we realize that God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts to insure that we do not again fall back into sin’s captivity.

4) The Joy of Christmas culminates in the knowledge that not only have we been pardoned, but we are adopted into a royal family.

With all this, I am mystified that I sit here with no excitement or joy about Christmas. It shouldn't be so.

Convalescing Puppy

Our little dude is safely home although he's not such a happy camper. He's already thrashing around trying to get the lampshade off his head and we've got 7-10 days of it to go. He wants to scratch and bite the area..and his ears too. We're on scratch duty for the next week or so. He's also got a gaping hole so his never ending need to scoot across the floor is a problem. It's not easy for a dog to eat or drink with a lampshade on so we're hand-feeding him.

Mostly, though, he's sad. If this face doesn't say "I hurt, I'm miserable, please help me," I don't know what does.


Look how sad this paw is--this is where the IV was.

Sam has been really stressed since Jake came home with a lampshade on. He doesn't seem to like that Jake doesn't feel well (or at least I think so - I'm no dog psychologist.) He drooled non-stop for the first 20 minutes after Jake came home.

On Pins & Needles

UPDATE: Jake came out of surgery just fine although it was more complicated than expected. He also had an abscess in the right gland so that took some cleaning out. Oh, and his teeth needed attention. Despite our best efforts, these small breeds just have tartar problems and Jake does not like chew toys. I think they hurt his small teeth. So, once the bleeding stops we can pick him up! He'll have to wear what they call an "e-collar" (it's better known in our house as a lampshade) around his neck because he licks. One last note--the doctor said this about my boy, "he's such a cute dog..very sweet..a pleasure to work on." I'm such a proud momma:)

Anyone who has known me for even 5 minutes knows I'm crazy about my dogs. That's why this morning I'm on pins and needles waiting to hear the news about my Jake.

Last night he was fairly sedate and abnormally aggressive with Sam. He wanted to be picked up which is so not like him. So, I reached over and picked up him up noticing he was wet as I did so. At least I thought he was wet. I looked down at my hand and it was bloody. I mildly freaked out when we looked at the back end and noticed his fur was red with blood. Steve tried to look but Jake wanted no part of it.

Our vet had no emergency number so I just picked one out of the yellow pages and he took him in right away. Apparently dogs can have ruptured anal glands and that's what happened to Jake. He cried and squirmed as they examined him. I almost left the room. They said it would be best if they kept him until morning to watch him and treat him until they could do surgery. I cried all the way home.

I called almost 2 hours ago and they said he was about to go in and I still haven't heard anything. That's why I'm on pins and needles this morning.

Why Are You Wearing That?

My costume for the performances last week consisted of a pair of my dad's old coveralls, boots, a tool belt, hammer, and pipe wrench. I also had a "Rosie the Riveter" hair thing going on.

At the conclusion of the matinee on Saturday I was standing on the side hoping Peter and crew would come over (they did not). It was a mis-communication or actually lack of communication altogether. Anyway, some friends from church were there and their 3-year-old daughter had on her Christmas dress. It was black and gold and she looked like a princess. I told her so too.

After I did, she scrunched up her face, pointed at me asked "why you wear that?" All I could do is laugh. Apparently when I first came on stage she said to her mom, "hey, that's my Miss Julie!" and made a comment about my get-up. She was not impressed.

I didn't even try to explain. In her mind, it was a time and place to dress up and I was so unfashionable. She's such a girl.

Not Just Parenting Advice

Last week Steve and I met with a couple who are having difficulties with their children. We're in kind of a weird place when people ask us advice on parenting. While we are not inept, the truth is, we don't have to do it day in and day out. Scripture has a lot to say about parenting and discipline and not only have we always spent a lot of time with Erica and Peter, we spend a lot of time with other people's kids too. So, we know it in theory and live it out in short bursts but of course daily is something else.

So, we always preface any advice with just that--we can tell you the right things to do and what God has to say BUT....

However, I don't think it disqualifies us from ministering to parents. There is nobody in the world who has experienced everything. Ultimately God has given us authority to minister. So, as we counseled with these parents, one thing that came up is this struggle for control and decision making. The oldest child is 11 and wants control. Obviously he's not old enough for it, but he does need to be allowed to make some decisions in his life. How else will he learn? They can't expect him to turn 18 and all of a sudden have proper decision making skills. They must teach him.

We told them he needs to be allowed to make some decisions but there needs to be consequences if he chooses poorly. And they must follow through with what they tell him will happen if he chooses X instead of Y. I tried to explain the spiritual implications from that too.

God lets us make choices and decisions. Sometimes (frequently maybe?) we don't choose what He wants for us but we get to do it anyway. And then there are consequences. Discipline follows. And when we choose what is right, we get blessing and reward. By teaching children this same dynamic, parents are also showing them how to relate to God.

Here's a great story about Peter that explains it perfectly. He learned a word at 3 that he absolutely should not have known. Sadly it was from me. So, one day he called his sister this name (it's like dumb butt). She told their dad. He called Peter upstairs and told him that was not a word he could say.

Peter asked, "Can I say it at grandma's?"

"No," Jerry replied.

"Can I say it at Nana Mo's?" (that's what he called me)

"No. You can't say it ANYWHERE or you'll get a spanking."

"How many times?" Peter asked. Jerry wasn't expecting that question and wasn't prepared to answer it. He thought the promise of consequences would be enough.

He made something up thinking it would deter Peter. "Three times," he said.

Peter got down off the bed, promptly walked downstairs and declared, "Erica, dumb***!" Jerry heard it from the kitchen and called out, "Peter!"

"I coming," he said (remember, he was only 3 so give him a break on the grammar!) With that, he walked up the stairs and took his punishment.

Here's the deal--he was told not to say it. He knew what would happen if he did. His dad would have preferred he NOT do it, but ultimately, it was Peter's decision. He chose poorly and received the punishment he was told he would.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's exactly what God does. And just as it was for Peter's own good, it's also for ours.

The Weekend Begins

I'm about to officially hit the ground running with an insanely busy weekend. Our first performance is tonight and we have two tomorrow. I then wish I could crash Sunday afternoon but that just ain't gonna happen (yes, I know, BAD grammar!). We always start work on Sunday at 7:30 and get home around 1:30. But, I have to continue working at 2 until 4 and then a Christmas party at 5. I've yet to figure out how I will get the food done for that.

All that to say, if you think about it, please pray for our performances. We've got a few sick-ish choir and cast members. We are all just desperate to show up and let God use us. Hopefully lots of lost people come and hear the gospel--that's really why we're doing it.

The Great Procastinator

About 3 months ago I committed to a HUGE project. Initially I got right on it but then these fateful words were spoken to me: "We don't need it done as soon as we thought we would. It'll be later but don't know exactly when."

All of a sudden I kept putting it off. Time I had set aside for it quickly went to other things and I kind of lost my excitement for it. So, last week we received the deadline from our third party and it's the first week of January. I set myself a far earlier deadline to meet with my pastor or else I'd be floundering and not have it done. It absolutely must be top notch too--it's that important.

So, my deadline is next Wednesday and rather than working on it right now, I'm posting. What the heck is wrong with me? When did I become such a procrastinator? I've always been a get-it-done-early kind of girl and have found that the more I have to do, the more I can do.

And on that note, I'm signing off, closing every other program on my computer and getting to work on it. I'm already an hour and a half behind schedule!

Kids & Jesus

Yesterday I took a couple of pictures for some friends to use in their Christmas cards. We drove over to the river and as we got to the log where they sat we discovered Abby still had tight hold on a Bible. I can't resist posting it.

See, earlier that morning she came into the church and put her hands out, declaring "Pastor Steve, I couldn't find my Bible this morning!" He said, "well, it looks like you have it in your hand." She kind of scrunched up her nose a bit and said, "No, this one's not mine, it's my mom's."

She also told us she's getting a pink "baby" gun (bb gun) from her daddy for her 4th birthday. She's quite excited about it even though that's almost 18 months away. Both her parents are big hunters.

I love it when toddlers know about Jesus almost as soon as they can talk.

Balanced Diet

I saw this on a sign the other day....

"A balanced diet is having a cookie in each hand."

Any other amens out there?

Melting Down

Yesterday I officially began melting down. In the last month, maybe 6 weeks, 4 different people have piled / unloaded so much on me and I officially can take no more. I'm at the end of it. I'm tired. I have never in my life felt like such a failure. To these individuals, I have apparently not met a single expectation nor will I have the ability to do so.

Other huge issues are brewing and too much to withstand. I'm taking a break. Wish it were on the beaches of Maui but instead, it'll be on the carpet of my house.

Hopefully after a few days I will be able to think straight again. Maybe I will be un-melted. Or maybe I'll be in the funny farm. I guess either way I win.

Until then, I will be post-less.

Sad Commentary

What a sad commentary this story is on our societal values.

Hundreds of people, one after the other, stepped on the 34-year-old store employee in an effort to get the "best deal". Are you kidding me? What deal is so important that it's worth lining up 9 hours before opening, standing in a crowd of thousands, breaking doors, and trampling on another human, ultimately taking his life?

I consider myself to be quite the sale shopper but nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth that to me. I don't even venture near a retail store the day after Thanksgiving, probably because I don't have the right mentality.

Life is valuable....prices are not...things are not. Mob mentality is frightening. I heard someone say once "a person is smart; people are dumb." I think that fits here.

If only we'd learn to view life as God does. Every single one of us is loved by God, from conception to their natural, appointed death.

Wrap-Up

I generally take far more pictures on holidays than this but I was so into my own game of Uno Spin that I got distracted. Generally my mom is not a game player, unless it's Tripoley but she joined us for this game and we laughed so hard. Edward, Steve, and the kiddos had great fun with the Wii games (a few pics below).

Every year I use name cards which I've thoroughly done in the spirit of the day. But this year I added something I thought would be really fun but was a bit uncertain anyone else would. On each card I had at "would you rather" question that was different for all. I thought it would be a great conversation piece and it turns out I was right. An example is "would you rather be hairy all over or completely bald?" Some of the answers were hilarious. The great thing is that today my mom came over to help with Christmas decorations and she was still mulling over one particularly intriguing answer. The end result is exactly what I'd hoped! I guess the point is that there is always more to learn about people, even those in your own family.

It's so great to be in a house filled with laughter, with familiarity, and with love. I wish my little brother Craig and his wife, Kayrene could have made it. The only thing missing is actually not a thing but rather a person...my dad. I'll never completely get over it. I can do life but it's just not the same.

Approved sibling fighting:


Erica was pretty excited - she KO'd Uncle Steve:

Thanksgiving Top 10

The other day I heard that being thankful makes a person healthier and journaling about thankfulness is better yet. Now, I don't know how they (the experts) prove or test that but I think they are on to something. In Colossians 3:15 God commands us to be thankful. After telling us to let Christ rule in our hearts and that we're called to peace there is a stand alone sentence (at least in the NIV). And be thankful. So, in the spirit of the holiday I took some time in my journaling this morning to create a top 10. Here they are:

1. Christ - his shed blood and salvation.
2. Steve - a Godly husband who loves me as Christ loves the church.
3. Mom and Dad - Godly parents who taught me at an early age the value and importance of a relationship with Christ and laid solid foundations (for clarification of why that is critical, see Matthew 7:24-27).
4. Siblings - I learned to socialize at an early age and that life is not all about me. They are also those who know the heartache and feelings of loss within the family unit and joy over the great things. They understand.
5. Erica & Peter - both of these darlings were born at crucial times in my life. For a girl who will never have a child of her own, these two are angels in disguise. As I type this I'm watching Erica and Steve play Wii and am reminded it was 18 1/2 years ago when I found out I'd never have a child of my own. Erica was 3 months old.
6. Spiritual family & friends - those who love and encourage me on the path of sanctification and accountability.
7. A place of ministry. What an honor to be in service for the King. Could there be a better boss?
8. A home. I do not take this for granted. Much of the world doesn't have this luxury and God has really taught me over the last year that it is just a tool for Him to use. In the meantime I get the pleasure of living in it.
9. Health. This one I definitely don't take for granted. I have had seasons (aka years) where I did not have this. With the exception of my annual physical and dental cleanings, I have only been to the doctor once this year. What a huge praise!
10. Job(s). Actually, the ability to work and make a living. It's all a gift from God.

And so many more to be sure but the title is "top 10" so continuing on would make that a lie.

I have enough. More than enough.

Psalm 100: A psalm for giving thanks: Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Two Funny Conversations

I so love Peter and Erica. Today I got to spend the morning with Peter. While his exuberance is sometimes overwhelming, generally I love being around such energy and a carefree spirit. I feel free to be impulsive and spontaneous. Mostly he plays right off me but once in a while he zings me with a doozy. Today was such a day.

He looked at me and said, "Aunt Julie, you are something else!"

He didn't say what that something else was but I think we both knew he meant I was odd.

Yesterday I was telling a friend of mine about a conversation Steve and I had earlier that morning. After I told her what was said, I remarked, "you know, if something ever happened to Steve, I could never get married again because I'm so weird and nobody would ever understand it."

She replied, "and this is a new revelation to you?"

Filled With Power

Today was amazing. I've known for a couple of months that I would speak to the MOPS group this morning. However, as is always the case, I grew increasingly insecure the closer it got. As recently as last night I sat on the floor in my bedroom telling God I just couldn't do it and contemplating how I could best wiggle out of it. His answer was a firm "you can't. Don't even think about it."

This morning I thought back to the sermon from 2 weeks ago where my pastor talked about what power we have in Christ. One of the things he talked about is that we have the power to teach and disciple. I stopped what I was doing and said "God, you've given me this power. It's in you. This is not about me, not about my insecurity. It's all in you. Satan has no control or part in this. Give me your confidence."

And He did. I have never felt such power, such control. It was the most amazing experience. The best part is that I can't take one bit of credit which is exactly how it should be. I prepared, I showed up, but God did the rest. I was calm, cool, and collected. I didn't say exactly what I had planned but just went with the prompting of the Spirit.

But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The truth. Plain and simple.

In A Play

I'm pretty excited to be in a Christmas musical this year. I was supposed to have a very, very small part in it last year but as you might recall I had that weird unknown problem with my lip and required immediate surgery so I missed out. I called it my freak face. I still have some discomfort associated with my lip even though I've seen the surgeon for 2 follow up visits. He's assured me I will regain full feeling but I'm no longer convinced that's true since it's been a year. Mostly I don't notice it but occasionally I am keenly aware of the numbness and small bump that still exists. And sometimes I struggle with angioedema (a fancy medical term for rapid swelling). I guess it's not so bad. In the big scheme of things though, it could be far worse.

But the point of the post is that I was offered a part again this year but I had to promise no weird lip abnormalities because while it's a small part, the play wouldn't be the same without it. I am SO excited! I've got a few songs to learn too and really, who knows the 2nd and 3rd verses of "We Gather Together" anyway? You'll soon be able to count me among the 12 others who do know it.

I was telling a friend about this exciting venture and here's what she said in an email:

Congratulations! Break a leg - or should I write "pop a lip?"

HILARIOUS!!

Completely Out Of Sync

Have you ever had one of those days when you're completely out of sync with someone you're really close to and with whom you're generally on the same page? Steve and I had one of those days yesterday. It was a day filled with "what?", "where?", and just plain "huh?" Here's an example...he called me around 11 a.m. and it went like this:

S: Do you want to meet with XX (names removed, obviously) Friday at 4 in Laurel?

J: I'm usually still at work at 4.

S: I know.

J: Oh. You want me to take the day off?

S: No.

J: Can we do a different time?

S: No, that's when they can do it. Maybe I'll see if they can do Saturday.

J: No, that doesn't work for us. Did you remember we already have plans that night with YY?

S: Yeah. What time is that (clearly he did not remember)?

J: 6:00...as in we need to be there by 6. Not you on your way or picking me up at 6.

S: This won't take that long.

J: Okay. So what about this appointment?

S: Well you don't have to be there. Maybe I can find someone else. (Julie's note: Steve never meets with a woman alone, not even in public. He'll meet in his office if other staff members are around but otherwise he has me tag along for protection.)

J: Isn't her husband coming?

S: Yes.

long pause...

S: It's okay, you don't need to be there. I'll just go ahead.

J: Alright, then. See you later.

At lunch I told him how very confused I was. He made an appointment at a time when he knew I worked, didn't want me to take the day off, and I didn't even need to be there. Why the heck did he call me then? The answer was "that's when they can do it because he gets off at 3:30." WHAT?!? Doesn't a meeting require a time when BOTH parties can be there? And he knew I would be working? And I didn't need to be there? I'm still very confused.

I'm glad that day is over. It didn't get any better from there.

Losing A Friend

I debated whether or not to even post about this. In the end I decided to do so because most of us have probably been in this spot and it hurts so we need encouragement.

I lost a friend recently. I will purposely withhold some details because I do not want to dishonor her or the friendship we had. But it's worthy of reflection. This wasn't just an acquaintance or friendship in passing. This was one of those relationships that comes with a spiritual connection. The kind where you hold each other accountable, build each other up in Christ, and walk through fire together. One where you can can call each other on the carpet, say the hard things that need to be said but at the end of if you're still friends because it's all done in love. And now it's gone.

A couple months ago I began sensing something was different so a month ago I called and asked what was up. She just didn't want to be my friend anymore, well kind of. She didn't feel like she could trust me with her stuff anymore because we aren't on the same page (her perception). I don't know when this happened and the hardest thing is that I had no idea what I had done. And she wouldn't tell me. Still hasn't. It is so unlike her, so unlike our relationship that this went un-discussed, yet there it was. She called it "a season of life".

Amazingly enough I held it together on the phone. After the conversation was over I was able to sit down and cry. I grieved. No matter why, this is still a huge loss and grief is appropriate. The truth is, I can't force someone to be my friend, nor would I want to.

The greatest sadness is that this type of relationship doesn't come easily or quickly. It takes time to build the trust which allows such intimacy. And in this place of ministry life, I don't have the same options I once did when it comes to making friends.

But ultimately through all this I am fine. Some things I can't control in life. Some times I just have to roll with the punches and trust that God is in the middle of it even though I don't get it. Maybe it's a season He wants to pull me out of and closer to Him alone. Maybe it's a season of isolation. Or maybe He's doing something in her life that requires her to be alone.

Down the road we may intertwine again. We may not. I still love her and want the best for her. I still see her and talk to her on the phone. But I now withhold those deepest parts of my soul.

And it hurts. It's okay and this too shall pass but it hurts.

Movie Review (of sorts)

This weekend I violated one of my big rules about movies. We went to a movie on opening weekend. I generally despise it because the theater is packed, you have to be there ultra-early for a decent seat, and the line to buy tickets is horrendous. (Yes, I know I can buy online but paying someone a "convenience fee" to do so is maddening. Credit card fees are a cost of doing business and passing that on under the guise of convenience fees to the customer is ridiculous. It certainly isn't convenient for me to pay extra.)

But this time it was different. We opted for the first showing and left about 30 minutes before it started. Amazingly, there was hardly any line and we were in good seats 15 minutes before it started.

We went to Quantum of Solace, the new James Bond. If you're a Bond fan, I recommend this one to you. It's typically over-the-top-Bond but that's just how those movies are and so it is what it is. But it's got lots of action and an unexpected event so all in all, it was rather enjoyable.

I So Totally Underestimated God

A couple of weeks ago I posted about a family we ministered to and how they told us they would visit our church when she was better. I remarked how skeptical I was at that statement. A few days after that something else happened that really led me to believe we'd never see this family in church.

But today when we arrived, they were there--the entire family! While I may have had reason to doubt a fellow human, I had no reason whatsoever to doubt what God was doing in their lives. Clearly He was up to something or we never would have had the chance to minister to them. I completely underestimated God.

Surely I should know better. I learned a big lesson at church today and while the worship music and sermon were fantastic, the greater lesson came from this particular event.

I'm so glad God doesn't think as small as I do. He's limitless whereas I frequently limit myself. If only I'd tap deeper into the great power He's given me.

Funny Morning Conversation

This morning Steve got up bright and early to depart to go hunting with a friend at 6 a.m. But Tra's house lost power so he didn't show up until shortly after 7...about 20 minutes after Steve called him. It turned out to be a good thing for me because I wouldn't have been up at 6 to hear this funny conversation. I sat in the recliner, covered in blankets for my usual don't-bug-me-as-I-wake-up sitting ritual.

Here's the conversation:

Steve: Do you have something to use to attach the tag?

Tra: No.

Steve: Got a knife?

Tra: No.

Steve disappeared briefly retrieve these items.

Steve: You have gloves?

Tra: Just these (indicated by the show of a keep the hands warm kind of glove).

Steve: No, gloves to use while you gut it--unless you want to use those.

Tra: No.

Steve: Okay, I've got some surgical gloves.

Tra: What kind of weird freak are you?

Julie (coming out of my sleep coma): If he puts on the glove and snaps the bottom, you might want to run.

Steve: Oh, I've got the vaseline too.

Tra: Julie, I'm not going hunting with Steve after all.

Now that's funny stuff!

Then there was some brief discussion about when you have to show your weapon and when you can conceal it. Steve knows this stuff since he spent 11 years enforcing the law and all. And out the door they went. My Rugged-Handsome-Camo-Wearing Marine and his Elmer-Fudd-Hat-Wearing Navy comrade. I'm sure it will be a fun, albeit interesting morning!

Happy Belated Birthday & Happy Veterans Day

I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself today. Not as much as I could be because I didn't forget that yesterday was the 233rd birthday of the United States Marine Corps but because I got so pre-occupied I neglected to mention it in a post.

And, for the first time I didn't get Steve a birthday present. I feel pretty bad about that too. The only small consolation is I told him Happy Birthday, for whatever that's worth.

The Marines are so unlike any other branch of the service and while I have great respect for all of them, the Marine Corps holds a special place in my heart. When you're a Marine, it is who you are to the core of your being, not something you do. There is a peculiar band that holds this elite group together and I feel so privileged to have been able to watch it from as close as you can without actually being a Marine.

So, Happy Birthday for the second time this year Steve! I'll catch up on the present when you get the cabinets for your garage. We'll throw in an extra, k?

And a hearty Happy Veterans Day to all currently serving and those who have in the past. We are free because of each one of you!

Such Thing as a Wrong Verse?

Have you ever been doing a Bible study or preparing for one and you read the verse but it seemingly makes no sense with what you're studying? That happens to me sometimes. Usually the problem is that I'm in the wrong chapter, or worse yet, in the wrong book. But frequently before I discover the error, I decide I must not understand so I read the verse(s) in a bigger context. Then I stare in utter confusion as I try to figure it out.

More than once I've prepared a Bible study lesson, I get in the middle of it and ask someone to read a particular verse. I know the second their brow furrows that I've messed up. I've written down the wrong reference and the verse has NOTHING to do with what we're discussing. That's always a bunch of fun (insert sarcasm). I've gotten better about it though and at least now I'm not so embarrassed I could die. And we generally get a big kick out of it.

But this week something really good came out of it. We were sent to Isaiah 43:18-19 which fit perfectly with the day's homework. However, the pages of my Bible were stuck together and I ended up reading 44:18-19 which really didn't fit at all. So I read several verses before and after and there at the end of the chapter was a gem. Actually from verse 9 through the end it talks about God and idols. Here it is (note my emphasis):

"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." ~ Isaiah 44:22

Is there any better reason to tear down our idols than because Christ redeemed us? I can't think of a single one. He was obedient to death on the cross--gave everything, up to and including his life--and we repeatedly put other things before and alongside him.

I guess it really is that simple.

An Ending

Last night concluded the study portion of this most recent Bible study. I have the same lesson to do for my Sunday night girls and then next week we're all doing dinner together. I'm sad for it to end.

Despite the fact that I was a bit skeptical at first, this study has meant so much to me and I've had huge breakthroughs on idols. I wasn't skeptical of the content but it was really designed as an in home type of study and we were doing it at the church. Plus I wondered what the heck we'd talk about for 90 minutes every week. That turned out to be a non-issue. By the time we shared a snack and got through our icebreaker / get to know you opening, we had already burned up 30 - 45 minutes.

I loved the insights the girls had each week and I frequently found myself mulling over them during the week or doing additional study to clarify things that came up. I never dreamed that would happen. But God knew exactly what each of us in these groups needed.

I loved that I was held accountable to finish my lessons and prepare something. I love that I am well on my way to removing things that shouldn't be in my life. But I'm not so thrilled about it ending because there isn't full victory yet. And I love meeting with these women each week.

I will, however, continue this process with God until we are finished. It'll be about 8-10 weeks before my next study begins in January so this should keep me deep in the Word.

I Voted

I always vote. I love America. I love to vote. And I love that there were lines to vote because that means people are taking responsibility. It's a great tribute to those who died for our freedom to vote.

God bless and have mercy on our nation, regardless of the outcome.

Pastor Paul used a verse in his sermon Sunday (which had nothing to do with politics) that goes along with the state of our country. It comes from 2 Chronicles 7:14:

"If my people, who are called by name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

It's up to us, God's children. Doesn't look like we're doing so well on the humbling ourselves before God and turning from our wicked ways. Ouch. Conviction hurts.

Strange Dynamic

Last week a woman called the church to request help for her adult daughter who recently had surgery. Steve took it not only because he was the only pastor in the office but also because the family lives in Laurel. So, he arranged with people from Calvary to take meals to them for a week.

Our day was Friday. We went out about 6 and discovered that one of their boys and a girl she described as "kind of my niece" had been to our VBS and other kids' things. They were SO excited to see Steve. All we could hear was "hey, Pastor Steve...". It was almost as if we'd brought them gold. They were hungry--on so many levels.

We visited just for a minute so they could eat and get out trick-or-treating. Before we left Steve asked if it would be alright to pray with them. Well, of course they said yes because, well, he's a pastor and that's kind of what they expect him to do. The kids came running into the living room and grabbed our hands. The parents stood in the circle too and held hands.

Here's what I found so odd, such a strange dynamic. These people don't go to church. Yet when they needed something, they knew to look to a church. If the church is doing its job, this is a great opportunity. If not, it's one more nail in the proverbial coffin. It was really a privilege to be able to serve them and minister to them. They promised to come visit Calvary when she's feeling better. I hope they do. We'll pray they do. But I'm not so convinced they really will when the time comes. Right now they're overwhelmed with gratitude that total strangers would bring them meals, love their kids, and offer full acceptance to them. But as the days pass, those feelings will likely fade too.

However, the seeds we've planted this week cannot be undone. Maybe we'll plant more seeds but maybe God will have someone else do that. Some day I hope to be involved in the harvest but ultimately God brings that and gets the glory. We just need to be ready to do whatever part He calls us to. That is true not only in this situation and with us; it's true of you too.

Not So Sure It Was A Mask

I've never quite understood Halloween. As a kid I dressed up and went trick-or-treating (I know, some of you are adamantly opposed) but it was a different time plus I think adults read way more into all of it than kids do. For a kid, it's just free candy and fun dress up.

But what I don't get is adults who dress up and "celebrate" Halloween. I went to the grocery store this morning and many of the employees were dressed up. I wouldn't do it but it kind of made sense that it could be a fun thing to do at a store like that. However, I saw customers dressed up too. That's right, customers. Now that I don't get.

There was a guy walking towards me pushing a cart and for the life of me I couldn't figure out if he had painted a mask-like thing on his face or if it was just his normal face thing. He had some dark black lines drawn that connected his piercings so I think it could just be his every day face. I hope I didn't make him feel uncomfortable because all of a sudden I realized I'd been staring at him far too long as we approached. As we passed I just smiled and said hello. Maybe that fixed it.

Of course, if he didn't want people staring he shouldn't paint black lines or have 5 piercings on his face. It just kind of begs to be stared at.

Just a random musing for today. Plus it kind of made me laugh as I pondered whether it was a normal face or once a year face.

Everyone Is Broken Sermon...

...is available online.

Steve's Input

Steve elaborated a bit on his blog about brokenness. And he's looking for input on your experiences with brokenness and the role of the church.

Please take a minute to give him your feedback!

It Smells Like A Church In Here

Steve gave a great sermon yesterday on the fact that we're more similar than different with lost people. We're all broken. That was one of his 2 points. Obviously he expounded on it but that was the point. The other was that we can't afford to let people think we're perfect and doing so does a dis-service to those who are seeking Christ. We need to share our struggles and the hope we have to get through them. Nobody will be drawn to a church or to Christ if they think they don't belong because we're all perfect--which is a facade by the way.

I hope to have it downloaded to the website soon. I have to wait for the tech guy to do whatever it is he does to make it ready.

But what does all that have to do with the title of the post? Yesterday a 4-year-old boy exclaimed, "hey, it smells like a church in here!" He then went over to a wall in the foyer and said "that smells like a wall!" Steve asked him what he thought it should smell like but he wasn't interested in taking questions so it was left just like that. It made perfect sense to him and I guess that's all he was interested in.

That's one of the great things about kids. They haven't learned to be fake, they don't tell us what they think we want to hear, and they're perfectly fine being who they are, warts and all. I believe that's why Jesus said you have to become like a small child to enter the kingdom of God. He's not interested in appearances either. It's all about being real and true.

Such a Dork

Last night a friend shared in Bible study that every time she opens her mouth she changes feet. I've heard that before but it was particularly funny to me in light of what I've done in the last few weeks.

So, I started a new job 3 or 4 weeks ago now. I really didn't think I'd last this long and initially wasn't too excited about it but figured I didn't have to stay if I didn't like it. It's one of those no-challenge kind of jobs but I've discovered a few reasons why I'm supposed to be there. Fortunately my other job requires me to think, many times really hard, so the balance is okay.

Let me back up...before the incident at work, I did virtually the same thing at church. I walked up to this woman whose husband has been coming to Sunday School and said "Hi, you must be (insert her name). I'm Julie." I had spoken with her on the phone so I wanted to put a name with a face. She looked at me kind of funny and said "yes, I am." I said "glad you're here--it's nice to finally meet you!" I walked away quite proud that I had the guts to do that because it's so far outside my comfort zone. I sat down as the service started to do the words on the screen and about halfway through the first song it dawned on me I had totally met her a few weeks earlier. I saw them in the hallway and rushed over to meet her before they left. No wonder she looked at me funny. It's like I had never seen her before. I'm pretty sure I was red-faced the rest of the service.

A few days later I was at work and this guy walked in and said "Hi Julie. How are you?" I replied, "Fine, thanks." Then as I sat there I thought about how he always greeted me but I couldn't remember his name. So, I said "okay, I know you've told me before but can you tell me your name again?" Of all the names in the world, it is Steven. You'd think I'd remember that, right? He walked out of the office and then it dawned on me he started the same day I did and we'd sat through 5 hours of orientation together. Just the two of us. And I couldn't remember his name? What in the world? I sat there uncomfortable for a few minutes and then walked out the door and said "Steven, I can't believe I didn't remember your name when we did orientation together and sat there for 5 hours." He seriously just stared at me with this blank look.

Here's the kicker...he said "um, no, I started a month ago!" I could have withered into a corner I was so embarrassed. I muttered "oh, must be a different Steven." Indeed it was...for some reason it never dawned on me there could be two guys both named Steven. At this point if I ran into the other one, I'm not sure I could pick him out either.

However, since that day I've not forgotten this particular Steven. I guess that's a small consolation prize.

Boils The Blood

Just a quick thought here. Well, it's quick in my mind, let's see how quickly it comes out.

Why is it that when someone needs helps and you offer help (not because they asked but because you figured it out), they still refuse? I get that asking for help is really, really hard. Particularly for those of us who are fiercely independent and have a strong "I can do it myself attitude." Yes, I know how that goes against the grain of community and spiritual family but that's not the topic today.

But, in cases where you didn't ask but someone either just noticed it because they're smart and/or discerning or because someone else noticed and spread it around, why not just take the help? Why not just be thankful, gracious, and let others minister to you?

I think it's 2-fold. First, it's all about pride. Admitting we need help makes us weak. Second, if we take help, we can't wallow in self-pity--believing we're all alone, nobody loves us, and life is just too hard (insert whiny sobs here).

Honestly, I can't think of any other reasons to refuse help. It just doesn't make sense. Okay, my blood is no longer boiling so I can return to the tasks before me.

Are You A Basketball or Football Christian?

Intriguing title, no? On Saturday during the second main session, Miles McPherson was the speaker. He was fantastic. He is pastor of The Rock Church in San Diego. Miles was a professional football player with the Rams and then the Chargers. He was engaging, passionate, and his love for people was so transparent. He believes in meeting people where they are and believe me when I tell you they have some pretty innovative ministries and small groups. It works for them. Might not work for us in Montana but it works in their community. And that's what it is about--figuring out what the needs of our communities are and then meeting them.

Of course I won't be able to say this exactly as he did and part of the humor came in his presentation and voice inflection as well as in the fact that he played football so he has some liberties I do not. However, the point was so on target I wanted to share.

He made the comment that it's time to stop being a basketball Christian and start being a football Christian. Obviously this needed explanation. He said that a football receiver goes out on the field and will get hammered by 300 pound men trying to stop him. Sometimes more than one at a time. BUT, he jumps back up, shakes it off, gets in the huddle and says "give me the ball again!" A basketball Christian is one who gets bumped by someone else or gets a cut on his finger. They immediately cry "FOUL!" and want a free shot.

He said, "that's how so many Christians are today. They get fouled or hurt in life and they limp off the field telling God to give them a break. To take them out. To give them freebies in life."

Isn't that really something to ponder? Life is hard. We get bumped, fouled, tackled. Knocked flat. But we've got to get back up and keep going. There will be a time for rest. We're so blessed for those times in this life but when they don't come, we can take comfort in the fact that we'll have it for eternity. I love it. Great stuff.

A Mixed Bag

I have such a mixed bag of stuff in my head today. This morning I went to the finance office and paid for my SID. Yep, that means we got time to pay it. See, I told you that guy made a big mistake! We had until 5 p.m. today so fortunately that fit in with our return time. I'm so glad to be done with it.

I'm really tired from our trip, more so this year than previous years. I think part of it is just because we were such a big group and being around people all the time emotionally and mentally exhausts me. Top it off with one of my famous face episodes and it just made for a really tiring return trip.

But, oh, what fun we had! The conference was so amazing and as it turns out, we ended up with 2 free registrations to next year's conference because we brought the most people from the farthest. The speakers were fantastic and the worship was utterly amazing. I had great breakout sessions for the most part but this is just not my favorite thing. I don't like walking into a room full of people I don't know and grouping up for discussion. Some people thrive on that. I do not. Frankly, I despise it. I'm so shy in these settings. Plus, there is always at least 1 doofus in the crowd who has to speak after every question and/or tout how much knowledge they have or tell their story. As if the rest of us don't have our own to share if so inclined. But we don't because we have some manners. In some cases there are 4 or 5 in a room. Mostly I want them to be quiet. And I want to tell them to be quiet too. Oh, good for you. You're a genius. How have I gotten this far in life without your insight?

Okay, enough sarcasm. But you know what I'm talking about. And it probably bugs you too but you just don't want to say so. Or maybe that is you. If so, take it down a few pegs, okay?

In any case, here's a few pics. The first were take at Willow and the last 2 were at the pier. These were my favorite because men and women are so different when taking pictures. Look how closely the girls huddle up. Then look at the guys. I actually said "okay, guys, huddle up" thinking maybe the word "huddle" would be manly. The response was "we are." The fact that they posed creatively turned out to be good enough and hilarious enough because these 5 are all "guy's guys". Steve started the lounging with made Rich shake his head and then Phil mimicked on the other side which really befuddled Rich. But for us girls, it provided great entertainment!

In Chicago & Another City Council Win

Tonight we're in Chicago and we'll be here until Sunday. Tomorrow the small group conference starts and part of the fun for us is that not one person in our group this year has been before (excluding us). They're all pretty excited and rightly so because we've told them how great it is! We also had a member of the group who hadn't flown before and another couple who had never flown together before today. They've both flown plenty separately but in 23 years of marriage, never together. Knowing how extensively they've traveled, I was stunned by this revelation.

Another exciting thing that has happened in the last 24 hours is that we had another final semi-victory in the city council last night. A couple of weeks ago I relayed the story of our big win. They all agreed our situation was not handled correctly and there had to be some responsibility taken. We actually had 4 of them on "our side" who were going to oppose the entire measure but then a councilman had a proposal to split the difference between the $33,000 we were told and the $76,000 it actually cost to complete the project. So, we all have to pay around $710 which is more than the $400 but considerably less than the $1025. I'll take that as a win, particularly since one of the councilmen was a huge jerk about it.

But, then the tax guy said we wouldn't be allowed to pay for it because the deadline was 9/30. Well, this DID NOT set well with those of us there and last night I emailed the mayor, every council person, the city administrator, and the finance director telling them it was unrealistic to expect us to pay 3 weeks before we knew what the amount was and since it was delayed at the last meeting, we should rightly be given an extension to pay. It's our right as taxpayers to pay an SID in full, without 6% interest. The tax guy basically said "it's too late, it will be on your taxes, the interest is your responsibility, and it's not my problem." Big mistake.....

With all due respect, it is his problem, thank you very much. So, the mayor was the only one who responded saying it wasn't right and he'd get back to me with a solution to the problem and that we should be given an extension. If that doesn't work, I plan to protest my taxes. Wow, I never thought I'd be a public protester but there it is. This is one of those things worth standing up for in this life.

And that's about it from here, for now.

Remembering Things Better Than They Were

There are so many rich nuggets in my current Bible study (No Other Gods) that my mind is swarming. One day in particular this week jumped off the pages at me because I've done this more times than I care to count. Even right now to a lesser degree than I have in the past.

We were looking at Numbers 11:5 where the Israelites remembered "the fish we ate in Egypt--at no cost--and the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic." (emphasis mine) Now, I already knew that wasn't the case but I reviewed the next set of scriptures anyway. Why do a Bible study if I'm not going to do it completely?

So, we looked at Exodus 1:11-16 and 2:23-25. Here are a few words & phrases describing their true situation in Egypt: slave masters were put over them; forced labor; oppression; hard labor; worked ruthlessly; slavery; midwives were told to kill their sons; groaning; crying. Here's the question - were all the good things they ate in Egypt really at no cost? Not hardly.

This is why it hit me between the eyes. There are some time periods in my life I look back on with great longing. They were the times, if you know what I mean. Here's a couple of examples...we loved our time with the Marine Corps. It was supposed to be forever. Life was easy, financially we had more than we needed. If we really wanted something, we just bought it. I didn't have to work. We had position and respect. I had fun girls to be around. I got to volunteer, go to the beach, go shopping, whatever. It was nirvana. But in reality? We weren't walking with God, we weren't plugged in with local believers (this bit me in the backside during a time of real need), we had one of the greatest bouts of sadness of our lives during this time...not to mention it was always hot and humid. Obviously the biggest sorrow here is that we were running from God.

But see how easy it is to look at that experience through rose colored glasses? On one hand I truly had everything I wanted from a human standpoint. But it was the darkest spiritual time of my entire life. Yet I've longed for it. Isn't that crazy? My memories are really better than the true reality.

I've got a few other times like that too so I've spent some time this week being super honest about both sides of those better-than-life time periods. Yes, they have all had great things associated. But they also had some not so great, even bad things tied in there too. That's life. In 5 years I'll look back and see the same things about where we are now.

The challenge in all this is not to idolize any particular time period but be grateful that I had the opportunities I did because God used them to make me who I am. If I live in the "what was" or "what I wish were right now" type of mentality, I will miss the very things that are amazing about where I am now and I'll live in a perpetual state of regret. I know for sure I don't want that.

And I certainly don't want to long for any time when I was in deep captivity, being treated ruthlessly by the enemy.

Interesting Fact?

Well, I thought it was interesting to learn today in 1892 President Harrison urged citizens to participate and celebrate the 400th anniversary of Columbus' voyage. That's not the interesting part.

Here's what is: it was during this event the Pledge of Allegiance (written by Francis Bellamy) was recited publicly for the first time. I had no idea.

So, there it is. And in case you didn't know, today is Columbus Day.

Manna

What an eye opener in my Bible study lesson this morning! As you may or may not remember, the study is on idols and we're about halfway through. We've identified them, defined them, prayed against them and now we're beginning to look at leaving them.

The lesson took us to Deuteronomy 8:3 and 8:16 which tell us that manna was used to teach them and humble them. Basically they needed to remember that "man does not live by bread alone." They missed the point as they wailed for meat but here's what I noted: God gives us seasons of living on manna because we can't live on it alone. We must depend on him for the rest.

I'm not just referring to money here either although this week I had the great privilege of seeing that provision too. It can be anything. The bottom line is that the only thing we can live on that will stand alone is God himself.

Not terribly profound but enlightening to me anyway. There was another huge eye opener this morning but I want to wallow in this one for today.

God of Provision

I have the most amazing story to share. Today something happened to us that has never happened before and I am humbled, amazed, and ecstatic about what an amazing God we serve.

This summer I knew God was telling me it was time to move on and quit my job. But, given the pay cuts we've endured the last couple of years, I just didn't have it in me to take that step of faith. However, as soon as i did, the doors just opened up before me.

Because of the time frame, I ended up making only half what I needed to during the month of September to cover all our October expenses. So, we cut everywhere we could...all fun was out, savings was out, and on and on...and we were still short. And let's face it, now is not the time to sell stock to cover either. I stopped the process, and said "God, look at my computer--see how it doesn't match? Well, I need you to cover this sometime between now and the end of the month."

Then this weekend Steve and I were discussing our new capital campaign at church. We're passionate about what we're doing, we really believe God is in this, and we know we need to take part. Steve told me what we needed to give to it and I already knew he was right on because I'd been praying about it. So, as we drove home from church I said "alright, let's add this to our prayer because if God wants us to give that amount, he's going to have to provide it."

Today I brought the mail in and spotted an envelope addressed to me from somewhere I wouldn't normally expect to get anything. Inside was a letter addressed to all pastor's wives in the MT SBC telling us thanks for our dedication and sacrifice to ministry in Montana and enclosed was a check from an anonymous contributor for every single one of us.

The best part? It was for the EXACT amount we needed to cover our budget shortage and the campaign amount we knew God wanted us to give. Tears filled my eyes as I read the letter and I stared in disbelief at the check in my other hand. Never in my life have I received a random check in the mail. Yet today I did and today is when I needed it. I am humbled as I stand at the feet of my Savior, the God of so many things but today, for us, the God of provision. I am in awe.

Sunday School Slip Up

Yesterday as Sunday School began I ran to take care of a few small things while the others started. I got back, sat down, and Steve said "we're discussing laws that people don't mind ignoring."

Ever quick with the tongue I said "well, speeding of course." And Steve said, "yeah, we got that one" and right on the heels of that I said "...and murder when it comes to child predators." At that moments, all eyes were on me.

Someone said "wow, that's random." Another said "oh, I see it, speeding...murder. Very similar." And then they laughed and laughed at me.

Okay, I get that speeding and murder aren't the same but I'm sure many, many feel as I do--no mercy for those who prey on children and take away their innocence. I'm pretty sure scripture deals with it harshly too. As a matter of fact, even among criminals, child predators are seen as the bottom of the heap and frequently meet their demise at the hands of other prisoners. That really should tell us something. Rehabilitation? Not likely.

Really, all randomness of the comment aside, am I alone?

New Glasses..and Vulnerability

This post will help you understand why I am the way I am. As with most people, I am influenced by my friends. Fortunately they are great girls with hearts for God and all of them serve like crazy. So, I don't mind being influenced by them and of course I influence them too so maybe all this rubbing off on each other is what makes us all similarly weird.

My friend got new glasses this week. Actually, she's never worn them before now. A couple of weeks ago at the conference (yes, I am still soaking it in and will post about it soon) I was watching as she tried to read with great struggle and difficulty. I told her that wasn't normal and she needed to see an eye doctor. She did....there's that influence thing. Or she might have anyway but it makes me feel better to take some credit.

Anyway, she told me on the phone today that when she picked them up and put them on, she repeatedly remarked how clearly she could see when she put them on. She proceeded to take them on and off, all the while remarking about the clarity. Um, yep, that's what they are supposed to do. But, the funniest thing is that she asked the lady, "are these so clear because the lenses are clean?" Apparently the woman looked at her as if she was a brick shy of a load.

As soon as she said it she realized how ridiculous it sounded but the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. As she told me this my first response was laughter but then I realized this is one of the reasons I love her so much. She isn't afraid of being vulnerable.

It's a scary thing to lay it all out there because the potential for hurt can be so great but the rewards of doing so are also so great. Of course many things we share stay between us but things like this we allow one another to share freely.

Love ya T!

Glad to be Alone

I'm so glad to be alone this week. I was actually excited that Steve ended up going to Kalispell so I could have a few days alone. I realize that may sound weird to some and it's certainly not because we're unhappy or don't like each other. That simply isn't the case. We spent the first 19 years of our marriage making it work really well in spite of long separations, opposite work schedules, and the relative uncertainty of tomorrow between the military and law enforcement. So to say the last year has been an adjustment is an understatement!

We seem to be a couple of extremes--a year apart was a bit too much but a couple days a year doesn't seem to be enough. The only thing that could have made this week better is if I could have spent the majority of it in my pajamas watching movies. I feel the need to veg out and escape (yes, at the same time).

I had big plans this week but sadly they aren't working out as I had hoped. I think I want another week. But I don't want to take care of the dogs. They're bugging me. A lot.

I Thought It Was A Bad Day

I had a really bad day today. I was so mad and so frustrated I just sat down and cried. That's what I do when I am beyond mad and beyond frustrated.

But then I spoke with a friend who is burying her grandma tomorrow. And another friend who is dealing with a really difficult medical situation with her child. And yet another friend is packing up and moving across the country--without a promise of a job but she and her husband know this is what God wants them to do. All of a sudden my bad day wasn't as bad. It still stunk, but in comparison...not so much.

In the interim though I marveled at how easily I become overwhelmed and how little endurance I have in the situations God sends my way to test my patience--and my faith. Not that I want my friends to suffer more than I do so I feel better about my situation but in this case, God really used it to help me gain perspective.

As a general rule, we tend to compare up--we look at those who have it better. Then it's easy to wallow in how poorly we feel. What if, instead, we looked at those around us who have less and we set out to minister to them? Then our focus would no longer be us, it would be in helping and loving others.

Everyone wins. The less fortunate are helped in the process and so are we. The spiritual rewards are great when we get outside of ourselves.

The "Why" of an Idol

In this past week's study on idols we answered the question, "why an idol?" Each day we looked at a different answer to that question. Undoubtedly there are more than the 5 answers we studied but I find them to be fairly inclusive.

So, as I prepared for the week, I took a different spin on each of these and was utterly fascinated with the scriptures I found to address each one. However, there was one that spoke so personally to me and it was identity. As an aside, pain was a pretty close second.

Think about this--our idols give us an identity. This is so important for women. Sometimes we identify ourselves relationally, i.e. wife, mother, daughter, sister, etc. Other times we do so professionally, i.e. doctor, analyst, etc. Our jobs and relationships can easily become idols. The question becomes "what happens to us when circumstances change that identity?" For example, let's say you lose your job, your marriage takes a turn for the worst, or your children rebel. How does that affect your identity? For most of us, it causes an identity crisis.

I'll use myself as an example. Three years ago my life began to turn upside down. My husband went to Iraq (not our first deployment and this was a really positive experience for us so I'm not crying about it). Yes, I was still his wife, but the dynamic changed. Then, due to a corporate merger, my job was eliminated. I had so engrossed myself with that job and it provided not only great income but reward, recognition, and I WAS my job. One day it was gone. Then my dad died--my childhood knight in shining armor, one of the two most important men in my life. Technically I'll always be his daughter but I was a girl without an earthly dad. Who the heck was I? I must have asked myself that a million times. Everything I used to identify myself was gone and I found myself in the middle of a great battle for identity. This went on for over a year and there weren't too many days that passed without tears.

I finally realized that the answer was in the mis-placement of my identity. I should firmly place who I am and what I do in Christ--and only Christ. But it has to be a conscious choice to do so. I began to search the scriptures to answer the question "who am I in Christ?" There are several but here are just a couple I love:

In Ephesians 5:1, I am a dearly loved child.

In Isaiah 62:12 I am part of a holy people...redeemed of the Lord...sought after... (and this one I love)...a city no longer deserted.

In 1 Peter 2:5 I am a holy priesthood.

And those are just a few. If I (and you) find my identity in Christ, there are no circumstances that can come into my life which cause me to lose my identity. I am secure. There may be pain from the circumstances, but who I am in Christ will be firmly set.

Inadequate

Last night in small group we looked at reasons we feel inadequate to serve God. We examined examples in David, Abraham, Moses, and Peter. Each of these biblical characters had reason to feel so unqualified to serve God.

For David, it was great sin--adultery and murder chief among them. He could have used that as a reason to run and hide, never to serve again. He did not. He chose to receive God's forgiveness and restoration.

For Abraham, it was age. He could have thought he was too old to be the father of many nations. He could have used the fact that he didn't have a child of his own to say no. He did not. He chose to believe God.

Moses tried to use his lack of eloquent speech, stammering, and overall inability to speak. God countered all his objections and eventually Moses came to the place where he surrendered and went on to be known as the friend of God.

Peter could have used his denial of Christ and been overcome with sorrow and regret. He did not. He chose to receive forgiveness and restoration and went on to give an amazing sermon on the Day of Pentecost where thousands were added to the kingdom of God in one day.

I could create a grand list of my own inadequacies that could certainly disqualify me for ministry. Often I am tempted to do so. Sometimes it's because I don't want to do something but usually it's because I just don't feel adequate enough to do what I've been asked to do. That's where the lies of satan overtake me.

That truth is that in and of myself, I am inadequate. I don't have what it takes to do what He's called me to do but therein lies the great victory that gives God glory. When I do something that is completely out of my comfort zone and natural talents or abilities, then everyone around me can know that it's not me but Christ in me. All of my shortcomings are overcome by Christ in me.

I said this in a recent post but one of my favorite truths is that God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. If He's called me to do something, then he will equip me with whatever I need to complete the task. He promises to do so.

A Big Win!!

So, here it is after 10 p.m. and I'm so incredibly jazzed I can't even think about sleep. I did something tonight I've never done before and quite frankly had no desire to do. I went to a City Council meeting. I know, I know, it might not sound exciting but believe me, the end result was!

They recently did some landscaping on the main road in front of our subdivision. We knew we'd have to pay a portion of it. I guess that comes with buying a new home in a new subdivision. Well, 5 years ago it was. Anyway, we went to a meeting 2 years ago - that's right, 2 years - and we were told we'd have to pay $404 and the total project cost was $33,000. Okay, I could live with that but then nothing happened for a really long time. So, I began to check on it.

After much back and forth I was told last December that we'd be informed well in advance of the actual assessment. Fast forward to July. I noticed they are doing the landscaping but I'd never received a letter about it. So I called. And called. And called. I was finally told a month ago it would be $1,025 per homeowner. I almost fainted. Then a week later we got the letter. The project total had jumped to almost $80,000! We were given a whopping 2 weeks to pay that amount or it would be assessed on our taxes for 15 years at 5.6% interest. (As a side note, I saw the breakdown for the first time. They chose the highest bid, the trees were $420 each, and the extra cost was a $25,000 well and $20,000 in engineering fees. Seriously, $20,000 to say "put a tree here...and there...". No, that's not excessive at all.)

Believing this was unethical, I dug out my previous paperwork and my friend Sara (who lives in the subdivision) and I headed downtown. We sat through an agonizing 2 hours of testimony about a different initiative thinking that by the time they got to ours it would be 3 a.m. We were #7 on the agenda.

Well, after the first one, it went really fast and as it turns out, around 12 people from our subdivision were there too. We all had the same story--because it was the truth. Around 4 of us testified and I told them that almost tripling the amount and giving us only 2 weeks to pay was an unethical way to do business. One of the councilmen also backed our story so the mayor said "you know, there are 3 other special improvement district initiatives on the agenda and nobody was here for those. Something has to be amiss in this one."

So, this item was postponed to allow time for us to get all our documentation to the council and the city can get theirs. They claim they have copies of letters sent out informing us of the end cost. There is no way they can back up their claims because every single one of us have the same story. At this point they'd have to fabricate a letter. I wouldn't put it beyond them either but I digress.

That means we don't have to pay the $1025 by the 30th AND the city may end up absorbing the additional $40,000 rather than assessing it to us. YEAH FOR DEMOCRACY! The little guy CAN win.....I told you it was exciting!