I debated whether or not to even post about this. In the end I decided to do so because most of us have probably been in this spot and it hurts so we need encouragement.
I lost a friend recently. I will purposely withhold some details because I do not want to dishonor her or the friendship we had. But it's worthy of reflection. This wasn't just an acquaintance or friendship in passing. This was one of those relationships that comes with a spiritual connection. The kind where you hold each other accountable, build each other up in Christ, and walk through fire together. One where you can can call each other on the carpet, say the hard things that need to be said but at the end of if you're still friends because it's all done in love. And now it's gone.
A couple months ago I began sensing something was different so a month ago I called and asked what was up. She just didn't want to be my friend anymore, well kind of. She didn't feel like she could trust me with her stuff anymore because we aren't on the same page (her perception). I don't know when this happened and the hardest thing is that I had no idea what I had done. And she wouldn't tell me. Still hasn't. It is so unlike her, so unlike our relationship that this went un-discussed, yet there it was. She called it "a season of life".
Amazingly enough I held it together on the phone. After the conversation was over I was able to sit down and cry. I grieved. No matter why, this is still a huge loss and grief is appropriate. The truth is, I can't force someone to be my friend, nor would I want to.
The greatest sadness is that this type of relationship doesn't come easily or quickly. It takes time to build the trust which allows such intimacy. And in this place of ministry life, I don't have the same options I once did when it comes to making friends.
But ultimately through all this I am fine. Some things I can't control in life. Some times I just have to roll with the punches and trust that God is in the middle of it even though I don't get it. Maybe it's a season He wants to pull me out of and closer to Him alone. Maybe it's a season of isolation. Or maybe He's doing something in her life that requires her to be alone.
Down the road we may intertwine again. We may not. I still love her and want the best for her. I still see her and talk to her on the phone. But I now withhold those deepest parts of my soul.
And it hurts. It's okay and this too shall pass but it hurts.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry, Julie -- but thankful that you blogged about this important relationship change in your life. I especially like the wisdom the Lord has shown you in the next-to-last paragraph, where you show great grace in thinking through the reasons this may have happened. I know that you, like me, would not always have been open to, or had an understanding for each of those options -- especially God's good and gracious hand. Will be praying for that relationship and all the Lord will do in it in your futures. Blessings on your week,
You know, Julie, I went through a season just like this and it stinks. I don't think that particular friend and I will intertwine (great word BTW) again but God povided a friendship for me like I'd never had. Don't lose hope friend. You're right, God is up to something. Jill
Thanks for the encouragement ladies! I really can't wait to see what God has in store on this one.
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