The "Why's" of a Child

Steve and I have a new little friend in our lives and no, it's not a puppy! Good guess, but no. She's a sweet little 18-month-old and we get the privilege of watching her for a few hours a week while her parents go to their small group. We also see her on Sundays as they have joined us out in Laurel for church.

Not being her parents, we get to enjoy everything about her and we don't have to be her main avenue of discipline. She's quite funny and oh-so-smart! She also happens to be in the "why" mode....yep, already....pray for her momma! In the midst of all these why's, I am reminded that often children ask why because they are trying to figure things out but sometimes because they just want to annoy an adult. HHHMMM...any spiritual implications here? I thought so!

I recalled a really funny why story from one of my many days with Peter. We got in the car with the Wall family and headed to the Big Timber water slide. Peter was probably 5 or 6 and being ever curious must have asked 100 why questions prior to this. After a few moments of silence, the following conversation ensued:

Nana, don't you think it's a beautiful day?

Yes I do.

Why are there so many trees?

I don't know - because there are.

But why?

Because God wanted them there. (ah, thinking I'd put a lid on it....)

Why does he want those trees there?

I don't know - he just liked it I guess.

How did they all get there?

They spread from tree to tree.

But who put the first one there?

SIGH (exasperated)...God did.

silence....little wheels turning....

Nana, God must have a really big shovel to reach all the way from the sky
to the ground!

Everyone in the car exploded in laughter! Peter looked at me and said "do you know why you're laughing?" Really he meant, "why are you laughing at me?" Well, we weren't really laughing at him but try to explain that to the ever curious "why" child!

Indeed he does have a big shovel, sweet pea, indeed he does!

A New Respect For Joseph

I left church yesterday with a new respect for Joseph. As many of you know, I attend 2 services on Sunday - the first at Emmanuel where the sermon is video-taped and the second at Calvary where we use that video for our sermon. So, I hear the sermon twice every week. Sounds like a lot but honestly, it's just good stuff.

Yesterday was the last sermon in the life of Joseph and it was on retribution. The reason I left with a new respect for Joseph is because he was in a position where he could have completely avenged himself for what his brothers did to him and yet he chose not to -- he chose forgiveness. Complete, without-any-strings forgiveness.

He held a political position second only to Pharaoh and subsequently had a LOT of power. He could have done whatever he wanted to do and been within legal limits. Not moral limits mind you, but legal. He also had anonymity as his brothers did not recognize him. He could have done away with all of them and nobody would have known the difference. Ah, nobody that is but Joseph himself....and of course God too. All that power at his fingertips and resources from the most powerful nation at his fingertips and yet he chose to do the morally right thing, the spiritually right thing. He didn't attempt to be God.

I've never had, and never will have, as much power and authority as Joseph. And yet I find myself continually choosing to attempt my own revenge, as if God can't do it far better than I can. I left challenged to walk the journey of forgiveness, and a difficult journey it is. I don't pretend to think it was easy for Joseph and sometimes reading the entire story in historical context we forget the human side of it and the fact that they struggled just as we do. I believe in the 22 years between when his brothers sold him as a slave and when they came begging for grain he entertained thoughts of revenge and perhaps even plotted their demise.

But in the end he left it in God's hands, recognized the greater purpose, and today looks into the face of his Savior. Sweet victory indeed.

I'm The Lucky One

Bible study was simply amazing last night. I so love my Thursday night girls. They encourage me, inspire me, and I probably learn more from them than they do from me. They make me want to study more and so I do because second on the list of horrible things in a class is listening to someone who is under-prepared (for me, first is listening to somebody who doesn't know of what they speak). No wonder God gives a warning to teachers about taking the responsibility serious.

I love when I see the light go on in somebody's eyes and it's like they understand something for the first time -- maybe something God has been trying to show them or maybe something they've truly never heard before. It is so rewarding.

I have such a mixed group this time -- from a woman who has been a believer for almost 70 years to a young woman who is a new believer and certainly everything in between. I don't think I've ever had such a vast group, both in spiritual maturity and walk of life.

But one of my favorite things that happens in Bible study is something that occurred last week. A woman who has been in a couple of studies with me, generally quite reserved, openly answered a very personal question. It was obviously close to her heart because her eyes welled up with tears and she didn't take her eyes off me for a second as she spoke. I understand that intensity - it's almost as if you look at something else, the tears will just fall out and you don't want that to happen so you just focus. It was all I could do not to cry myself.

So, I sent her a card last week telling her how much I appreciated her vulnerability and that I know it was so hard for her. I prayed for God to give her a special nugget of treasure. And last night after class she walked up to me, told me thanks and expressed how much it meant to her.

This is what it's all about...spiritual growth, accountability, fellowship with other believers, and encouragement. And I get to be part of it all. I am in unbelievable awe.

Brokenness Equals Usefulness?!?

Last Thursday as I drove home from Bible study I received a call from my friend Tonya. It was quite strange because she never calls me at night, mostly because she has a hundred children to get through homework, bathe, and get to bed! Okay, maybe not a hundred, but A LOT!

Anyway, she was reading a book and although I don't know the name of it, I will probably be reading it here soon. She read me a quote out of the book and while I can't remember it exactly, the principle was this: real brokenness leads to real usefulness. She went on to say that immediately following that quote the author was expounding on how Moses spent 40 years in the desert after committing murder and how God used that time of brokenness and eventually brought him back to Egypt to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land. She later followed up and said the author went through several other Biblical characters.

Over the next couple days I really pondered brokenness leading to usefulness because I am broken. Seriously broken. I asked Steve the other night "How much more stuff is going to come out?" Since the question was completely out of the blue, his response was right on...."Huh?" "Oh, pardon me, I've been conversing with myself so you truly probably have no idea what I'm talking about." I seriously do that a lot....anyway, I went on to explain that over the past few months God has just been squeezing the vice grip and man is "stuff" coming out. Things I had buried that really hurt me, situations I ran away from, and people I can't seem to forgive. It just keeps coming out!

But, there's HOPE! In order for me to really and truly life a Spirit-filled, God-glorifying life, I must deal with these. Make amends where needed, give God hurtful situations where it's not appropriate to confront, and allow healing. Complete, only-as-God-can-do-it healing.

And this morning I was reminded of a single, solitary word that will lead to victory: choose. I must choose to believe God is good when I don't feel it; choose to believe he has a purpose even though I don't see it; choose to believe He's right there even though I can't touch Him; and choose to trust that eternity is at stake and I'm privileged enough to be part of it.

A Tribute to Gizmo

In a couple of my previous posts I referred to Gizmo, also known as Mr. Mo. Gizmo was our first dog and presumably much like a first child, we knew nothing and he ended up ruling the roost!

We went to a pet store in the mall in Arizona "just to look" (famous last words) because we weren't even allowed a dog in our apartment complex. He was this little 3 pound ball of attitude and as I was holding him, he marked me - that's right, he peed (sp?) all over me. Instead of being horrified, I excitedly exclaimed "Oh Steve, we HAVE to buy him, he marked me as his momma!" And so we bought that little contraband puppy. My first dog.

We had Mr. Mo for almost 15 years and he traveled more miles than many humans. He rode with us to and from AZ & MT; moved with us to VA, then to NC, and rode to and from NC & MT. During those years he was with me more than Steve was due to deployments. And when I had my surgery, Mr. Mo was by my side, seeming to sense that I wasn't doing well, physically or emotionally. He would just curl up next to me and sit. And when my grandma died, there he was again. Always with me, always dependable, always my friend.

On a Friday two months after Steve left for Iraq and about an hour after I returned from a business trip, poor little Gizmo had a stroke. I held him in my lap, crying the entire way as my sister drove us to the vet. His eyes were so sad. The vet gave us medicine and said we could see how he did over the weekend. He didn't fare well and I was grateful to be able to talk to Steve so we could decide together what to do. I didn't want to put him down but he had suffered so much that weekend.

On Monday morning I wrapped him in a t-shirt belonging to Steve and my brother drove us back to the vet and stood in the office with me as I said my final goodbye to my faithful old friend. I held him as he received that final shot and within seconds he was gone. I wept profusely not realizing how much I had grown attached to that little dude until that moment. Of course missing Steve didn't help and desperately wanting him to be able to say goodbye didn't help either. But it had to be done.

I miss my dog-friend to this day. He's on my mind because Steve and I have been talking about getting "Gizmo's chair" re-upholstered. It's a great chair -- really comfortable -- and he claimed it right after we bought it.

So, thanks for the years of faithfulness and companionship Mr. Mo. A one-in-a-million dog, that's certain.

(The picture was taken the Sunday before we put him down.)

Oh nuts! It's on backwards....AGAIN!

Saturday evening was a great time with my sisters, my niece, and a couple of childhood friends (also sisters). We were neighbors the first 10 years of my life and Michelle happens to be the keeper of my hair -- but for her talent, I would have big problems!

She had us over to her home (which, by the way, is a showplace and obvious talent for her) for finger food dinner, games, hot tub time, and of course much, much laughter! We always leave these evenings with the promise of doing it again real soon, but in the end are lucky to do it once a year. And every 6 weeks when I'm in her salon chair, we talk about doing it but just never get around to it.

Anyway, it was just last year when she put in the hot tub. Much like I would have been, just having the tub wasn't really enough -- she then needed a canopy, a privacy fence, and of course a door from the bathroom on the side of the house to the tub! Ah, yes, her husband is a saint like mine! He went a step further and put a heated floor in that bathroom too! Being the ever-gracious hostess, she had huge beach towels, bathrobes, and even water shoes for us to use. I felt like a queen! And as we got ready, the funniest thing ever happened.....

I was in the bathroom and Erica was in one of the adjoining bedrooms. She cried out "I need a new swimming suit - mine is too small!" I walked into the bedroom and sure enough, it was quite tight on the top (it's a 2-piece tankini). I noticed as she walked away from me that it was very crooked in the back so I told her to stop a minute. I walked up and as I was straightening it out, I noticed my fingers going into an indentation. Yep, that's right, she had it on BACKWARDS! I burst out into hysterics and she said "Not again! That's the SECOND time today!"

AGAIN? SECOND TIME? I couldn't contain myself. Through my own hysterical laughter I heard her explain that she had put her shirt on backwards that morning, and inside out too!

Oh, Rica Rain, you make me laugh girl, you really make me laugh! Whatever would I do without you and Peter?

Hilarious Signs

Man, this guy is SERIOUS about privacy.....


And this is simply a really good suggestion for all of us...

The Nobody

I won't go into pages of details about the why's and who's and what's, but I have felt like a nobody lately. It's not a great feeling but 2 things happened over the past 3 weeks that have really made me ponder my status as a "nobody".

I hadn't shared with anyone other than Steve that I was really feeling this way and he would never repeat portions of conversations where such deep hurt is involved (truth be told he never talks about anybody negatively or about their "stuff" which is a topic for another day). In spite of such secrecy, it was at a luncheon a few weeks ago as I was visiting with a woman I absolutely adore that the most unbelievable thing happened. She looked straight through me as she peered into my eyes and said:

"I just want you to know you're a somebody to Jesus."

Holy cow! Short of a spiritual revelation, how could she have known? I seriously wanted to burst into tears but knowing I was not in a place where that would be appropriate, I really had to choke those tears down. All I could do was shake my head in agreement.

Then this week I came across a passage in scripture that stopped me in my tracks. It comes from Philippians 2:5-7:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." (emphasis mine)

So, if Christ made himself nothing, why should I be above being "a nobody"? Am I not to become more Christlike every day? Deep, deep stuff to ponder.

Fellow Journeyers

This morning I am especially thankful for my friend Brandi. There are many things I love about her and many reasons she's great to have around but for today I'm grateful that we walk the same path together.

I'm not thrilled at the fact that the path we share is because of our status as "fatherless girls" (physically speaking, not spiritually); however, I am reminded that even in grief God sends us others to help with our burdens. I'm no more gleeful that Brandi lost her dad than I am that I lost mine and yet within a month of each other, that is where we found ourselves. Both sudden, both unexpected, and both so full of sorrow it's hard to express the utter devastation.

But she knew, she understood, and I did as well. To have somebody to both be encouraged by and to encourage, to be prayed for and to pray for, to cry out and know the other is at the same place, and to share the honest feelings we need to sometimes hide from others is a gift beyond comprehension. To know as darkness has enveloped me that she is still there even though I can't see her is a great comfort.

As if all that is not enough, she is also a pastor's wife....an inspirational one at that. God has intertwined us through this season and grief would be wholly unbearable without my fellow journeyer.

Little Drummer Girl

Tonight I will be going to the high school football game to watch my sweet little niece (Erica in case you forgot) play during half-time. She's a drummer girl and tonight they will be playing on trash cans. She also happens to be the Drum Corps Leader.....I know, I know, I brag a lot about her and Peter BUT I can't help myself!

It delights me that she is so incredibly unique and loves to be that way -- she doesn't care what most girls are doing, she does what she wants whether it fits into "the mold" or not. No doubt that will take her far in life. HHHHMMMM....maybe I could learn a little from her on that....

Below is a link to the last game they played at; Erica is in the middle of the front row.

http://gazprepsports.com/m/video/video.php?v=/m/video/2007/09/29/seniordrums

Isolation - Good or Bad?

Last night as I was doing final preparations for my Bible study lesson tonight, I spent considerable time pondering isolation and whether it's good or bad. One of our daily lessons touched on isolation and I've decided to expound on that for tonight.

After studying scripture I've concluded that the answer to "Isolation: good or bad?" is "yes". Of course I realize it's an or question but I'm holding firm to my answer!

It is good when used by God and there are indeed times he appoints for isolation. The apostle Paul is a perfect example - after his conversion he spent some time in the wilderness alone with God. Isolated for a holy purpose. The gospels frequently record times when Jesus went to a solitary place to pray which again points to isolation as appointed by God for a holy purpose.

However, isolation can also be a very dangerous place to find ourselves. One of Satan's frequently used methods is to isolate the believer from the flock and then it's so much easier to take us down. When we choose isolation as a way of escape because we don't want to deal with something, we have crossed into dangerous territory. We don't have the fellowship and accountability of other believers to keep us going, we begin to feel sorry for ourselves, and ultimately, we lose.

God created us to belong, to need each other, and to be part of a family. Scripture speaks often of this too - Jesus sent the disciples out 2 by 2; in Acts they are always with other disciples and the examples go on (trust me, there are many more examples). I'll end with Ephesians 4:16 which addresses the very benefit of "together".

From him [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

A Matter of View

It's always helpful to gain proper perspective and the quote below caused me to think about my viewpoints during the last week. Every situation can be looked at positively or negatively -- the choice is always up to me.

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses. ~ Alphonse Karr

King.....or Bully?

I've wanted to capture this picture for a long time but when Jake and Sam get into a rumble and I head for the camera, all of a sudden their fight isn't so important and they follow me. I've obviously out-smarted them as it is now on film!

I can't decide if Jake is asserting his kingship or if he's just being a bully. In either case, it's really funny because Sam has to weigh close to 60 or 70 pounds now and he readily submits to this little 10 pound attitude in a Pekingese body! While the fights themselves don't make me laugh, the fact that they end with Sam plopping down and Jake standing on him as best he can does make me laugh!

Chicago

This past weekend Steve and I attended an absolutely wonderful conference in Chicago (actually Hoffman Estates). It was all day Thursday and Friday and half of Saturday so after partaking of the pizza Chicago is famous for, we managed to make it downtown -- no small feat -- and enjoyed a few of the other things Chicago is famous for.

I was struck by several things but one of the biggest in my mind is that the same city contained the rudest people I've ever encountered, specifically those on the road, and also some of the nicest people I've ever encountered. One guy in particular stands out -- we were on the train going downtown only to discover after our stop never came that the train we were using was not going where it was supposed to due to upgrades on the tracks. It would've been nice to have been informed BEFORE we boarded. Anyway, this one guy, who was from there, was also unaware so we all got off at the next stop and as the 4 Montanans were wondering what the heck to do now, he disappeared. We finally found the stairs to go under the tracks to the other side and board to go back. I was in the front and as I stepped down the 3rd step, here comes that guy and he said "I was just coming to get you guys. I asked the lady down here for directions and she told me what to do." He then walked us down to the bus station to catch the train shuttle. I was dumbfounded that this complete stranger watched out for us. I have no idea who he was and probably will never see him again but God definitely placed him in our path.

(The first picture is Steve on the pier and of course you knew I'd have to include a picture of a lighthouse, right?)

Quotable

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion." ~ Henry David Thoreau