We Made It! Parts 1 & 2 anyway....

I've known for weeks this was going to be a harrowing weekend but we've officially made it through part 2 of graduation festivities. Part 1 was last weekend's Bender Family Fun Day. It was all family and all fun. You know, just because you call something "fun day" doesn't mean it will necessarily pan out that way. And, sometimes forcing family into a "fun day" makes it less fun but that was not the case last weekend!

So, today was open house for our sweet Rica Rain. And I am officially exhausted. Mom, Shiela, and I started yesterday afternoon with as many decorations and prepping as was possible. After a brief 90 minute dinner break, Shil and I were back at it until around 9. After she left I did some final cleaning and fell into bed around 10:30 utterly exhausted. This morning she picked me up at 9 a.m. and we were off running again. Balloons, final Costco run and all that jazz. It paid off. Here it is 12 hours later and it's all over. We had 4 hours of people in and out but alas it is just Steve, Sam, Jake and I enjoying a very quiet hour before we hit the bed exhausted again.

Tomorrow we go again - after a really long day at church we'll head to the Metra for the graduation ceremony which will run late since it doesn't start until 7 p.m. for crying out loud! After that, just one more long day (Monday) and I can relax and breath the rest of the week. Here's a few pics from family fun day last week and open house today.

First was a scavenger hunt and Erica's first stop was to pick up her valuable package:

This is Erica asking if she can return her valuable package for a refund...um, nice try, but no!

This is one of the stops. We tried to make sure the clues required both of them to solve and then attempted to have tasks for them to do together. You know, to make her appreciate her brother! This one was a 3 legged walk to find a snack hidden in the park. She really should be nice to him -- he's only 10 and is the same height as she is...


Family bowling!




Today's open house:

Me. Totally exhausted. And we still had an hour of open house left.

The End. Be Blessed.

Last night was the end of our current Bible study series. Frequently I am emotional on the last night and this one was no different. This study has meant the world to me. It's one of two studies that has dramatically changed my life. That's not to say the other studies were not great and worthwhile, but there are 2 that stand out as major movings of God in my life. The truth is I get something out of every study but much of it depends on where I am, my openness, willingness, or just simple despair.

So I come away not only spiritually enriched but also had the privilege of meeting and getting to know 2 women I hadn't before. Once again I had a wide variety in age (21 - 70ish), spiritual maturity, and walk of life. It's been a ride, that is certain. I love these women who made this pilgrimage with me, and those who make every pilgrimage with me. They hold me accountable to keep studying, to complete the lessons, to keep growing. And at the end I'm reminded that often it's a struggle to maintain that discipline if I don't have a weekly check-in to do so.

Since it was a study on the Psalms of Ascent, we ended with Psalm 134 and the last verse speaks of "blessings from Zion". I smile just remembering. One of the suggestions in the book was to write a blessing to say over the group. Only a few women chose to do this verbally and I was moved beyond belief. In keeping with my philosophy that I never ask the ladies (or girls as I call them) to do anything I wouldn't, I also read a blessing over them. And you.

May God give you a daily hunger that can only be satisfied in His Word and a thirst so deep it can only be quenched in the well of who He is. Be blessed girls, my dear sisters, be blessed.

So Random!

I had decided what I wanted to post about today but then something happened causing hurt feelings which sent me to the Psalms so I feel the need to post that too. Consequently, here are some very random thoughts and ideas:

1) Check out my husband's new blog! I doubt you'll read much about him personally as it's designed for a different reason (you know, from a pastoral perspective) plus he just isn't a sharing kind of guy. However, I do intend to ghost write for him occasionally which will add that one-on-one touch girls are so good at!

2) Last night we had a double rainbow that was so incredible. I was overcome with awe and worship. I took my boys outside....yes, the dogs....and showed it to them. They didn't care, not one tinsy bit. Then I read from Genesis about God's promise to Noah and mankind in general to never flood the entire earth again and the meaning of the rainbow. They cared even less despite me trying to make them understand it was a promise to them too. Finally I had my own mini-worship service telling God how amazing he is. To think of a promise lasting around 8,000 years is mind boggling!

3) All I can say about the cause of the hurt feelings and great distress comes from Psalm 120:1-2. If / when God makes it clear to me that I can share very publicly about what happened, I will do so...gladly too.

"I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me. Save me, O LORD, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues."

See, when I said random I wasn't kidding!

In Humble Gratitude...

...to all those who have kept us free since 1776. For those who have given their lives, today we remember and honor you.

On a personal note, I wish to publicly thank my blondie. This blood is in your veins and I am so proud to walk through life with you. It didn't turn out as we expected or even wanted at one point but we're fine just the same. Right?

"...that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God, ...and that government of the people by the people and for the people shall not perish from the earth." ~Abraham Lincoln

Happy Birthday Momma!

Today is my mom's birthday. At her request we lumped her birthday in with our Mother's Day celebration a few weeks ago. I don't like that today any more than I did 2 weeks ago. I think the actual day of birth should be special but since it was her day, it was her choice. I desperately tried to sneak in a little more celebration but she's wise to my efforts by now. She's smart like that.

Of course you know from many of my other posts how highly I value my mother. That's not to say we think alike on everything -- we absolutely don't. But we manage to appreciate our differences and enjoy spending time together in spite of them. Isn't that what relationships worth having are all about?

As I was thinking about what to post, I thought about my mom's relationship with her dad and how much different it was than mine. I did not know her father - he died shortly after my first birthday. I heard a few years ago that how a child relates to God is directly related to the type of relationship with their earthly father and this is particularly true of girls. I've mulled that over many times since I heard it and I think it's true. Since that is the case, it gives me another reason to have great respect and awe for my mom (as if I needed one). She did not have a loving, doting father on any level. His children were a means to an end for him - a few more bodies to work and provide money for his drinking habit. There was no concern, no protection, and often not enough food for them to eat. How she was able to trust an unseen God after being unable to rely on a seen father is amazing. To say he failed her miserably is likely an understatement. Yet she did trust in Christ.

She knew the father she wanted for her children would have to be vastly different than that and she chose very wisely. She married someone she knew would work with her in raising us and together they were protective of us in such a manner that we had an innocent, loving childhood. But it was never at the cost of their marital relationship. They stood together, unable to be divided by conniving kids! Much unlike most parents today, they were never so blinded as to believe we could do no wrong. They knew we were capable of anything and everything and let us have the consequences we were due. Yet they loved us through it all. Fiercely.

So to you my dear momma I say Happy Birthday! Much of who I am today is the result of your influence. I love spending time with you. I count it an honor to do the few things you allow me to do on your behalf.

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also and he praises her. ~ Proverbs 31:28

And so I do mom. We all do. Dad did too. He was crazy about you and we all knew it.

Believing While Not Understanding

The excerpt below was quoted in my Bible study one day this week. It comes from the eleventh-century English monk by the name of Anselm.

The day focused on when things are too great for us to understand. What do we do? What should we do? If we don't put our faith into high gear and choose to believe, then Satan wins. No, we don't always have the answers and we may never know all the answers but we must believe anyway, focusing on what we know to be true about the character of God.

I encourage you to read it through more than once and really meditate on what it says... hopefully it touches you as deeply as it did me:

"I do not seek, O Lord, to penetrate thy depths. I by no means think my intellect equal to them: but I long to understand in some degree thy truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe, that I may understand."

Ponds!

I'm quite excited -- I now have 2 ponds in my backyard!!! I have been wanting a pond for a while and at long last my wait is over. Of course the one in my head is very grandiose with a 3 or 4 foot waterfall and all the works but to be practical we scaled down. It wasn't going to be so soon but a couple weeks ago we were talking about getting sod to replace where the boys have spent the winter doing their business. It was beyond saving.

We had looked at ponds before that and tentatively decided to do them later this summer. As we sat at breakfast one Saturday Steve said "you know, I'd rather just put ponds in now than to buy sod we'll remove in a few months." So instead of buying sod that day, we purchased pond stuff!

There are a few more details for Steve to work out as he's had to add electrical boxes and run wires but overall we're about there.

Here's the funny part. Of course you knew there would be a funny part because it's us, right? We've made at least 20 trips to Home Depot and/or Lowe's as well as random trips to other hardware stores. Some of it was us changing our minds but mostly it was problems in finding parts that went together. Can you believe everyone sells pumps but nobody, and I mean nobody, had the right fountain heads. What the?!?!

We went to one store and bought 2 medium pumps and 2 large fountain heads. I thought "large" meant the height and amount of water that came out. Nope. It means "fits a large pump". Oops. We took back the fountain heads to exchange for medium. They didn't carry medium. So I asked "why do you have medium pumps then?" They didn't know but they happily returned our money. So then we looked everywhere for medium fountain heads but couldn't find any so we took back the medium pumps to exchange them for large ones and were going to re-purchase the large fountain heads. They don't have large pumps. I was fairly amused. Why do they have large fountains but no large pumps? Their buyer should be fired.

In the end we bought some copper tubing and Steve made our fountain heads. Pretty dang good job too! It may be hard to tell from the pictures but we'll give it a try. The first picture is with a flash which helps to see the pond; the second is without a flash to see the lights in the pond. I'm sure you're as thrilled as I am.

Happy Birthday Shiela!

Today is my sister's birthday. I spoke with her earlier to see what the big birthday plans are. There are none. She said, "have you met my husband?" Um, good point. He's not a bad guy, just not someone who makes a big deal out of celebrating birthdays and holidays. You'd think after 22 years in our family (25 if you count pre-marriage years) he would know differently. We're a have-a-party-for-any-occasion kind of people. So Peter conned Grandma into making a cake for his mom. I'm not invited (insert sobs here). Seriously though, I'm not bitter about it -- we have small group tonight so there is no sense inviting us.

Shil is almost 2 years older than I am so that created a special bond. We went to one year of junior high together, back in the old days when 9th grade was in junior high, and we went to one year of high school together. I was painfully shy and she was not, so having someone I knew on the first day of each made it fairly bearable.

We've shared so many of the same experiences together but as you might expect, I can surely pull out a few faves. In the months before my MD diagnosis came, I was always sick and in a fair amount of pain. I would wake up at night with excruciating charlie horses in my legs -- often 3 or 4 per leg. She would get up, run a hot bath for me, and then sit on the edge while I soaked my legs. We talked about everything. She did this knowing she'd have to go to school the next day but I would likely not. It would have made sense for her to go get mom up but instead she did it herself. Often mom woke up anyway but Shiela always stayed until I went back to bed. She went repeatedly to all my teachers to get my assignments or turn them in so I wouldn't get behind. She even rode the elevator with me at school after my surgery. It was so not cool to ride the elevator. She didn't care. She watched out for me, protected me, and was never embarrassed even though I gave her many reasons to be.

After she married she moved to Minnesota and a few years later I married and moved to Phoenix. Pre-cell phone days and long distance was expensive. We were poor college students but we burned up the lines for years on end anyway. When we lived in Virginia I worked at a place with an 800 number. WOO HOO! Then one day they had me do a phone analysis on where we received the most calls from. I remember my boss saying, "wow, we've had a huge increase in callers from Minnesota." Right. We sure have. No doubt they noticed a huge decrease in Minnesota callers after we moved to North Carolina.

So many memories of going to see them in Minnesota and the year Steve and I were stationed in Virginia, they came to spend Thanksgiving with us. That was such a fun weekend! Since we were just 30 miles south of D.C. we tried to take advantage of as many historical things as we could in those 7 months.

As fun as all that was, I love that we can do lunch on a whim or Christmas crafts together or go shopping and the list goes on. I can even talk to her for free as much as I want! We can cry together...laugh together...celebrate together...mourn together...there are definitely advantages to living a few miles apart.

Shil -- thanks for making life so much richer. Thanks for sharing your babies with us and walking that dark time with me. For crying with me, laughing with me, um, at me. I love you.

A Classic Line

One of the funniest things I've seen on television went like this:

These 2 muffins were in an oven. One looks at the other and says "is it just me or is it hot in here?" The second muffin says "HOLY CRAP! It's a talking muffin!"

I laughed so hard when I heard this I pretty much missed the rest of the episode. It comes from the show Two and a Half Men. The only things I find really funny about that show are the little kid (he's the one who said this) and the housekeeper. The rest is pretty raunchy so I'm not an avid watcher.

Not Quite 40 Years

Yesterday I called my mom bright and early -- for a Saturday anyway -- at 8:30 to tell her "Happy Anniversary!" Or half an anniversary anyway. May 17th would have been my mom & dad's 40th anniversary. That is so hard for me to fathom. Harder still is the fact that this year would have marked 43 years of employment at the same place for my dad. Why bring that up if it didn't happen? Well, in an age of spouse hopping, job hopping, and every other kind of hopping, this kind of loyalty is rare and precious. Strangely enough, we talked about loyalty in Sunday School this morning.

My dad passed away just 1 month shy of their 38th anniversary and knowing what my mere almost-20-years of marriage has brought, I can be assured that my parents experienced all the same types of things...and stuck it out together. No, they didn't deal with the exact things Steve and I have, but they dealt with plenty of their own stuff.

Watching how my parents treated each other caused me to know what kind of marriage I wanted. Never once in my entire life did I hear my dad say something foul or rude to my mom - and vice versa. There was never name calling, screaming, ranting and raving, door slamming. Nope, we didn't grow up with any of that. And I'm so utterly grateful. As a matter of fact when I see that kind of behavior, I am unbelievably uncomfortable and often queasy. I hate it.

The other thing they always did is stick together. We were unable to divide my parents. Even if they disagreed on something, we never knew. They hashed it out between them and stood united. One time I had asked my mom for permission to do something and she said no. Convinced I could out-smart her, I went to the garage and casually asked my dad the same thing. His response was, "well, the answer to that depends on what your mother said when you asked her." WHAT? How did he know? Fatherly intuition. Nice try, Julie, but no go. I promised myself I would use that same technique with my own kinds but God never gave us the privilege of having any.

I could never have lasted in a marriage had I not had such great examples in my parents. But I can see how those who had a far less grand example would struggle in maintaining the most difficult of human relationships. It's no wonder people hop in and out of marriage. But for the grace of God go I.

The Morning Ride

I never realized how much I miss while I'm driving to any given destination and today in particular, to work. Even when I drive with my windows open, I still don't catch things like I did today as I pedaled.

There were lilac trees in full bloom and in my opinion, few things smell better than that. It signifies long days, comfortable nights, beautiful mornings -- ah, summer indeed. I smelled them about a half of a block before I actually noticed where they were and then another half block after I passed. I wanted to stop to soak it in but didn't for 2 reasons: 1) the homeowner was outside and would likely have thought me nuts; 2) I was a bit behind so there was no time to mosey.

Before I realized it, I was telling God, out loud no less, how wonderful that was and thanks for letting me smell them. I think I started the whole thing by asking "God, do you smell those?" I'm fairly sure I was out of earshot of said homeowner but if not, he likely thinks I'm nuts anyway so I should have stopped!

The point is that I would have missed such an experience to worship God and praise him for a wonderful creation had I been in the car. Oh yes, I would have had the windows open but flying by I would have caught it for just a brief second (if at all), not an entire block.

Nothing profound, just a great start to the work day.

From Small Group Last Night...

Many things in small group need to stay within the confines of the group but spiritual insight does not. We were discussing humility and pride. One person shared a version of the quote below. I say a version because I can't recall exactly and while he did know the exact quote, he couldn't remember who it should be attributed to so it's probably best that I can't remember exactly anyway!

When you think you have humility, you forfeit the right to it.

And I shared the following from a Bible study I'm leading. It comes from a video session done by Beth Moore in her series Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent:

Thinking lowly of yourself is just another form of pride. It's still all about you.

I've really pondered that over the last few weeks. I generally don't feel pride because I think I'm all that great. I really don't. I actually fall to the other spectrum of despising myself. I never thought of it as being prideful. Ouch.

Big Dog...Bad Wrap

I have a friend who tells me all the time that Sam frequently gets the bad wrap at our house and gets blamed for everything. While that's not entirely true, there is something that happened this morning that was a classic example of that being the case. But before I share it, I admit to knowing Jake is a bully. Initially Sam just went along with it but lately he's bullied back. The problem is he weighs almost 90 pounds and at just 10 pounds, the chances of Jake getting injured are pretty high. Additionally, Jake was there first, Sam is the newcomer and as such, he is at the bottom of the dog pile.

As I was getting ready for work today Steve was running downstairs (on the treadmill, not in circles around the basement...heehee...). I heard Sam crying so I went out to the living room only to find him at the landing of the stairs looking down, whimpering. It was quite sad. So I said "Sammy, what's the problem?" He looked over at me and back down the stairs. I went over to look for myself and noticed Jake just laying on the 4th step down. I said "Baby Jake, what's wrong?" He sat up, tail wagging and stared at me. He generally won't go all the way down if Sam is coming behind him because when that big 'ol thing starts down the stairs it's like a freight train and anything in his path is going to be run over. So assuming that is the case I told Sam to sit, went and picked Jake up and carried him down the stairs. Then came the brute at full speed.

I told Steve I was leaving in about 5 minutes and that I had to carry Jake down because he wanted in the basement but was too scared to come down the stairs (Steve always refuses to carry him saying he can come on his own if he wants...how rude..). He said "no, he can come down by himself and as a matter of fact was already down here this morning and left."

Then I knew the truth. Jake was being a bully again. He staked his ground and laid there all content knowing Sam won't try to go down the stairs if he is on them. He's been in trouble for knocking Jake down in his bum rush down the stairs and while a brute, Sam is no dummy. His remedy? Tell on Jake.

Are these dogs or kids? Seems like it could go either way.

Not-so-standard Mother's Day post

I debated about whether or not to post today for so many reasons. Things that had long been won have returned to a struggle. The one place people like me should feel loved and accepted has historically been the very place to stay away from because of the focus today. I'm referring to church. Fortunately it's gotten much better over the years. Our guest speaker today shed light on he and his wife's personal struggle with infertility but because it's always been taboo to discuss in church, it became the single greatest struggle they'd had in their married life. I remembered with him the agonizing 15 minutes spent each Mother's Day during the service to applaud the oldest mother in attendance, the youngest, the one with most kids, and on and on. It would have been better for them just to stab me in the heart.

But in the end of my internal debate, I knew it was the right thing to do in honor of my mom. My family celebrated last night because my brother was in town and we had a really nice time together. I did not leave gift-less either. Erica & Peter bought me a box of chocolates (I feel like Forrest Gump as I write that and again as I've re-read it). As we drove from EBC to CBC this morning, my thoughts wandered to how Steve wouldn't be able to call and say "Happy Mother's Day mom!" He's never been able to do that in his entire adult life. The last Mother's Day they spent together was just a few short days before she lost her battle to cancer. Steve was 16.

So today I am very grateful that I still have my mom. She provided an amazing childhood in spite of the fact that her own would be considered by many as dysfunctional. They were poor in an era when nobody was really concerned if they had enough to eat. They were ridiculed for being poor and having nothing. Her mother cared little for her, if at all. She was one of 13 children, 10 lived past the age of 5. Maybe in her child rearing years she decided to do the opposite of everything her mom did. If so, it worked out well.

I love my mom for so many reasons, chief among them is how she taught me to deal with my muscular dystrophy from the very beginning. I'm sure it was a tough line for her to take but she knew it was best to refuse to let me wallow in self pity. She also taught me how to run a house on very little when necessary--undoubtedly a skill that will carry me through these slim times.

My mom also sacrificed tremendously for all of us. She went without new clothes so we could wear fashionable outfits. In our young years she stayed up half the night sewing clothes for us, and our Barbie dolls too. And these are just a very small tip of the proverbial iceberg.

A final memory for today is when I was in 3rd grade, walking home from school with my birthday crown adorned beautifully on my head. My teacher made all of us a crown to wear on our birthdays so we each felt special at some point during the year. As Shiela and I journeyed home, one of the boys that lived down the block pushed me in the bushes causing my crown to rip in two. I was devastated. I cried the rest of the way home and when I arrived, my mom was there (as she always was after school) and with great care, she fixed my crown. While it was a simple thing for her, it meant the world to me. That day, and so many others, she was my hero.

Thanks mom -- for so many things, the least of which was fixing my crown. Thanks for loving me, supporting me, guiding me and sacrificing for me. You took the job of raising your kids seriously. You've done well, good and faithful servant...and your Father is fixing a crown for you too. It will be well deserved. I love you.

A Gem from C.S. Lewis

I love what C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity(1):

"But anyone who has been in authority knows how a thing can be in accordance with your will in one way and not in another...God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata -- of creatures that worked like machines -- would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water. And for that they must be free."

I don't think I've ever seen it written quite so well.

(1) Mere Christianity: Copyright renewed 1980, C.S. Lewis Pte. Ltd.

The Minds of Little Ones

A couple of weeks ago I went with my friend Sara to a grocery store. After she picked me up we had to stop and get the kiddos. I'm pretty sure they are 3 and 5. The first funny thing is that, from the back seat, her little boy said "Mom, where'd you get her?" Note the emphasis on "her". Sara replied "I picked her up on the street." That was actually true. I was waiting for her outside. The strange thing is he didn't find that odd at all.

Then as we made our drive her little girl became enthralled with me. She declared "Julie, you're my new best friend!" Yeah, sure, for 15 minutes. Anyway, she pushed my cart through the store explaining to me what everything was and how delicious it was too. We got back in the car and she asked if she could hold my purse. I gave it to her. Then she asked for my sunglasses. I handed her those too. Once she was all decked out, she exclaimed "I'm going to be you for a day!" Here's the rest of the conversation (J is me, C is her, and S is Sara):

J: Are you going to work for me tomorrow too?

C: Yes! And then I'll live in your house, be mom to your dogs, and be married to your husband!

S: What are you going to do with her husband?

C: I'm going to kiss him on the lips!!!

At this I busted a gut. It was all too much.

S: But Mr. Steve is married.

C: I'm not.

S: But Mr. Steve is.

C: So, I am not!

S: But C, Mr. Steve is!

C: (very loudly) SO WHAT, I AM NOT MARRIED!

J: (turning to Sara) That's nice....your hands are so full with that one!

Small Prayers Still Deserve Big Praise

Okay, so this is kind of strange post but in light of my new found freedom, I'm all of a sudden seeing tons of things for which to be grateful and to praise God.

Late last week Steve shut off the sprinkler system because it was supposed to snow a foot. It didn't and for that I'm sad. Moving on....I asked him when he turned it back on to wait until today because Monday night I sprayed weed 'n feed and the directions said "for best results don't irrigate for 24 hours". Well, I want the best results so I'll follow the directions.

He set it to run this morning but it never came on. As we're getting up, I asked the typical questions. Why? Are you sure the date and time are correct? Did you forget? Yes, date and time are correct, no he didn't forget, why, he had no idea.

Outside he went (with the book!) to run tests. All was okay according to the tests but he couldn't even do a manual override. I suddenly had a great idea as I straightened my hair. I opened the bathroom window and said "are you sure the handle in the basement is turned on?" He assured me it was. Not such a great idea after all. So I prayed, knowing God is interested in the little concerns we have too. It went something like this: "God, I realize this is small but we don't need another repair bill right now. Can you please help Steve figure out what is wrong and fix it so we don't have to call someone? Thanks."

Less than a minute later, the water kicked on. Woo Hoo! In my new found freedom, my first thought was "thanks God! You're amazing!" So I told him just that.

Unfortunately I have no idea what was wrong because I had to scoot out the door right after that. It doesn't matter anyway. God knew and he answered a silly prayer too.

Celebration Sunday

WOW! Yesterday was amazing and it's just spilling over to this morning. We set aside yesterday to celebrate the end of our 40 month "Priceless Campaign" for our new building. Our goal was to raise the initial $1 million for the new building. When my pastor asked me to be the campaign director over 4 years ago, we prayed about it and I knew I was supposed to do it. What a ride it's been too. When Paul and I first met we set the goal at a million but really only expected around $750k. We came in at $978,474!!! But we didn't celebrate because of the amount -- we would have celebrated regardless because God is worthy of celebration and what he did in our midst was amazing.

Because of all the other events planned for the worship hour, Paul gave an abbreviated sermon. When he said he could do it in 15 minutes we laughed and laughed. But then he did, mostly to prove us wrong I think. He preached from Ezra where they had a celebration at the laying of the foundation of the temple. I loved Ezra 3:13:

No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.

Paul made a point of saying "and it was LOUD". So many times we think praise and worship has to be somber and reverent. Sometimes it does - God takes us to those quiet moments with him. But most of the time in scripture it is a virtual party. We have the most important thing to celebrate (Christ), and yet we walk around with downcast faces. The world celebrates non-eternal things far better than we celebrate eternal.

During each service I was humbled. Paul presented me with a gift which I was surprised by in the first service. But by the second and third, I saw it coming:) Because of the celebration, Steve preached at Calvary and I was sad to miss it. The sound guy forgot to record it too. Just before he got home I opened my gift and was so overwhelmed the tears ran down my face. I did not feel worthy of receiving a gift. I was just serving, like so many others. Yet I got a gift.

Another reason to celebrate yesterday is because I was able to see who I really am and how far I've wandered away from that in my grief and sorrow. Being the campaign director has meant the world to me, particularly since my last job ended. On Saturday I sat on the floor of my home office weeping as I did the final clean-out of my files. I just haven't had the ability to let go of reminders of that dream job. I kept them as evidence of my skills and abilities in a high profile project with important stakes. I was recognized and rewarded as someone who significantly contributed to the success of the team. That is simply not my life now. Being campaign director has given me hope in this area.

This morning I told Steve about this remarkable breakthrough. Before I hopped on my bike to head to work, he said "Welcome back Julie." It's good to be back. And off I pedaled, iPod strapped on my arm and headphones in, praise music keeping me company on my journey.

We Do Not Understand

This verse was in my of my lessons for Bible study this week. Sometimes I get so caught up trying to understand why God is doing something that I get off course. What a nice reminder.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." ~ John 13:7

And this one is just confirmation of the one above. I love it too.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. ~ Isaiah 55:8