Funeral Regrets

Last weekend Steve did a funeral. We'd only known the deceased 3 or 4 months and while she knew Christ, 99% of her family does not. Interestingly enough, they felt the need to go to a church during a time like this but they don't see the value of continuing in a church family on a regular basis.

It was such a different funeral for me to observe. They wept as those who have no hope because honestly, they do not.

But what struck me most came out in the eulogies and in bits of conversation I was part of and I overheard. Regrets. There were statements like "Grandma, I'm so sorry I didn't come see you very much", "Mom, I'm sorry we were estranged for 8 years", and those are just a couple. This family is so deep in sorrow and regret but now it's too late. During the time when she needed them most, they were conspicuously missing.

It fit in so perfectly with this week's Bible study where we looked at how King Xerxes probably felt some regret once he sobered up and thought about the decree issued regarding his wife. But it was too late for him as well. A decree issued in Persia could not be taken back. I challenged the ladies, whom I affectionately call my "Esther Girls", to not sin in their anger as Proverbs says. To be patient, forgiving, and long suffering as God is in Psalm 78:38. To address what needs to be addressed so when death comes to them or to a loved one, there will be no regrets.

Coincidences

I've long remarked that I don't believe in coincidences. I really mean that; however, a couple of weeks ago in the video portion of Bible study, the following comment was said:

"Coincidences are those times when God chooses to remain anonymous."1

Now that's a definition of coincidence that I can buy.

1 Taken from Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore; video session 1

Expensive Bag

After all the time with the furnace guy, we were thrilled that it didn't turn out to be an $800 blower motor. But, we were dismayed (as was he) to discover it was a plastic bag. The guy said it was likely stuck in a vent somewhere from construction...5 1/2 years ago...because it was too big to get sucked in from our cold air return vents. He said it's common but this was his first bag.

The crazy thing is, we've changed our filter countless times in the last 5 1/2 years so where the heck was it?

So, $180 later, he removed a bag. And he charged us $13 for a new filter. Thirteen dollars. I could have got it at WalMart for six. But he was so nice and he was there until 9 p.m. The truth is he could have charged us $250 for the 2 1/2 hours he was there. And he checked our gas fireplace for free and discovered it's dangerous to use because it was never sealed. Yikes!

A stupid, ugly bag.

An Odd Selection of Saturday Thoughts

Since my cousin already told the world and put it on her blog, I can now write about how excited I am that she's having another baby. Kristin is my cousin who had sweet Mia just 7 months ago so while this one is a BIG SURPRISE they are thrilled. I am too. They waited so long for Mia which makes it exciting that this one was so quick, even if unexpected. I spent a few hours with Kristin & Mia on Thursday and all I can say is "fun, fun, fun!"

Last night our furnace stopped working properly. It ran for 5 hours straight and never got over 65 degrees. So, to help it not work so hard, we turned the thermostat down to 65 but with as cold as it was, it was on more than it was off during the night. Dang...it's still freezing in here. The heater repairman came out earlier and it turns out it's the blower motor. Apparently they are super expensive. And there's a surcharge to open the warehouse on Saturday. As if the $102 an hour service charge isn't big enough. There is a blessing in this though. We opted not to pay the extra charge to open the warehouse and wait until Monday. The guy after us did not. So, while our nice fix-it-guy was getting his part, he grabbed ours too. He'll be back in an hour or so. Hopefully it's still under warranty or else it will be around $800 (plus the $136 from earlier today). It's only 5 1/2 years old. Ouch.

This morning we had a funeral at Calvary. It was obvious there were many regrets among the children and grandchildren which made for a severely sorrowful event. This family has a long, long way to go and I don't have much hope for them along the way. Except maybe the sweet granddaughter we've been working with because she is trying.

Oh yeah, and I ironed for 2 hours today and didn't even get done. I've got 5 pieces left. I hate ironing. Love the look of it, but hate to do it. That falls under the category of "necessary evil".

So, it's been a long day, full of emotional roller coasters. And frozen fingers and toes too.

Environmental Impact

I wrote a post over on Steve's blog about his sermon series on impacting our environment. Rather than re-post it all here, I'll just link to it.

You Know What's Missing?

A funny from Bible study last night....I had an object lesson to illustrate why it's tough being a woman. I don't want to share the entire thing because I am using it in my Sunday night class too and I don't want to divulge it so they get the same affect (assuming, of course, that one of them might read this).

Anyway, to my surprise, nobody wrote down one of the roles of women in the context of their career or job. As the last table shared their input, I said "hey, girls, you know what's missing up here?" Dumb, dumb, dumb idea! It could have been absolutely anything.

And it was. My friend who has done tons of studies with me cried out, "Concubine!" The class erupted in laughter. I did too--in hysterics actually. Sure, that could be a role I guess. After I wiped the tears from my eyes, I simply stated, "I have no idea where to go with that one."

Still don't.

A Bed At The Church?

Lately I've been at the church a lot. Since the new building is done I've got a lot of campaign stuff to do plus with year end financial stuff, it just makes for a lot of time. Add to that I'm in the learning stages about IRS and government reporting requirements for a church and you'll see why it's taking so long (for me as well as my friend who is teaching me).

This morning I was getting a mini-tutorial on the sound and video equipment for my Bible study tonight and this woman grabbed me on my way out. She said "do you and Steve have a bed here at the church to make it easier for you? Or do you just not sleep?" Sheepishly, half-embarrassed I replied "no bed but yes, I absolutely sleep...a lot" because the truth is, we aren't the only ones working in high gear / overtime mode. Everyone is.

Seasons of ministry come and go. Hopefully after February 10th I can be a no-show for a couple of days in a row. And everyone else can too.

Fit For A Queen

I'm really excited to be starting a new Bible study this week. I have a class of women on Thursday and a class of women on Sunday. It's on Esther...and is about finding the destiny God has for each of us.

"And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?" ~ Esther 4:14

God is up to something. There are at least 80 women participating in this particular study and since I don't really believe in coincidence, I am confident that He is about to do great things. And I get to be part of it. I have a royal position as the daughter of the King Most High.

So do you as a child of Christ. God has a destiny for you too. Pursue it by pursuing Him. It will be a thrill ride.

Not So Funny Lately

I suddenly realized this morning that life has not been so funny lately. Historically my life has been full of one funny adventure after another. For a minute I thought maybe it's just my outlook on things but I dismissed that rather quickly. I still find humor in so many things but it seems lately there is far more pain and heartache.

Dang, it seems that tears come almost as frequently as laughter. The reason? I think God is taking me through a season that he'll undoubtedly use later but even now I really have my eyes open to the hurt and anguish that exists around us every single day. I've never had such focus--it's almost as if I've got another set of eyes that sees beyond the obvious and into the soul.

I'm not alone or in bad company over this one either. Genesis 6:6 says this:

"The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth and his heart was filled with pain." (emphasis mine)

God feels pain. His heart was full of it and certainly we cause him grief and pain just as much today as in Noah's day.

This fits in so perfectly with Ecclesiastes chapter 3. Here's what verses 1 and 4 have to say:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

Yep, in good company although I truly hope a season of laughter greets me soon.

Snubbed…At Church!

This past week I was snubbed at church. It was no accident. I’m actually amused at the lack of sophistication in the process.

I was with a group of 4 or 5 women and this other woman came up and made a point of speaking to everyone except me. Always the optimist that people don’t intentionally mean to hurt me, I convinced myself that it was an accident or just my imagination.

So I spoke to her later as we walked by each other and she looked straight ahead not even acknowledging my presence. Then it couldn’t be denied - it was intentional. She’s mad at a decision Steve made a couple of months ago and hasn’t spoken to me since (explain to me how that one works!).

Here’s the thing—I’m really sad for her and while it was obviously meant to be personal, I just refuse to allow Satan that foothold. But many others don’t have that kind of insight to situations like this and so they get hurt in church and never come back. In that past 2 months Steve and I have heard three different people say this about themselves or someone close to them: “we were hurt in church and stopped going.”

It’s all too real. And so unfortunate. If there were ever a place someone shouldn’t have to deal that, it should be God’s house.

That Still, Small Voice

I know I’ve hurt people in the past. I know I will again. I don’t do it on purpose and when I realize I have (whether I figure it out or am told), I always try to make it right. Lately I’ve apologized a lot for things that while not my fault initially, maybe I didn’t take action soon enough or I didn’t think it through enough. For those things I really am sorry.

Very recently someone said something so mean to me that in spite of my best efforts to hold the tears back until I made it safely to my car, I could not. I even told this person how it hurt me and that it was unfair / unjustified but they didn’t care. Just more was heaped on until I walked out the door, asked by this person to leave. I cried so hard on the way to work that I had to pull over because I couldn’t see through the tears.

The thing is, I did not do anything wrong. Nothing. I didn’t do things the way this person wanted me to, but it wasn’t wrong. As a matter of fact, this person has done the exact same thing which was okay when they did it but not for me.

There wasn’t really anyone I could share full details with either. I wanted to call the friend I had been closest to but she told me a couple of months ago she didn’t really want to be my friend anymore, remember? The other person I could trust this to lives in Georgia and I didn’t want to call and dump it on her because it’s been about a month since we talked. That made it worse for me because then I felt so alone too. I finally composed myself enough to work for a few hours.

To make matters worse, when I got to work and turned on my iPod, the song “Daddy’s Hands” came on which made me cry all over again. I wanted to tell my dad all about it but couldn’t.

Then a still, small voice in my Spirit said “oh, but you can tell your dad. Not your earthly one, but Me, the One who can do something about it.”

Oh how I love that still, small voice.

Thrilled & Amazed

This morning before I started my quiet time I asked God to thrill me with His word. That's always a prayer He will answer, at least I believe that to be true. God wants us to be thrilled with Him, to joy with Him, and to be amazed at Him. If only we'd ask for it more frequently!

Anyway, a few months ago Steve bought an archaeological Bible and I am fascinated with past civilizations and the majesty at their pinnacle, particularly given that they had no modern tools or technology. Mostly slave labor but that's not really my point. I don't think I could have lived in those times because I like my modern conveniences and obviously God knew that to be the case. Okay, I'm digressing here. Back on track....

I started reading through it this year and am doing so slowly because I want to read all the side notes about different cities and traditions of the day. Keep in mind I asked God to thrill me. He so did. I'm in Genesis chapter 3 about the serpent and the first sin which is normally not a place I would expect to be thrilled. You know how when you are so familiar with a scripture you just breeze through it? That would have been me today had I not been so intentional in avoiding that temptation.

There was a page of information about past civilizations and how a serpent was in much of their folklore and belief system. It stated that while some cultures revered and worshiped serpents, the most prominent roles were as adversaries to humans and gods (note little "g"). One was eerily close to the scripture version. I was reminded and utterly amazed at how other scriptures just close in around this--how the need and desire for the one true God is in each of us, no matter what time we live in. And when we search for Him with all our hearts, we will find Him.

Secondly, as I was reading about these cultures and civilizations, I was overcome with awe that I was holding in my hands the very word of God, the creator, sustainer, Savior. He wants to talk to me. He wants to listen to me. He wants me to know Him. He loves me--no strings, no requirements, just as I am. Me. Messed up, sinful, sure to disappoint and fail. But more than all that a dearly loved child (Col. 3:12) and an heir (Romans 8:17 and Galatians 3:29).

Also today I'm just a thrilled daughter of the King.

New Year, New....Nothing

I'm always baffled when I hear lists of things people are committing to in a new year. At the top of almost every list is something about fitness, weight loss, a brand new you. Frankly, I don't get it. What is so different on January 1 than December 31? And really, just because it's a new year, does it really mean life will all of a sudden be different?

For so many years Steve worked New Year's Eve (it was a good night to be a deputy) so we rarely do anything notable on that night. This year we watched a movie and were in bed at 10:30. Seeing the clock turn to 12:01 am on that night is no more of a big deal to me than it is any other night.

But I think within all of us there is this desire to better ourselves, to be nicer, more kind, healthier. All of these things are not bad in and of themselves; however, our will power lasts about a millisecond and then we add the frustration of being failures to our list of things to change next year.

True, lasting change only occurs when there is a heart change and our pursuit is Christ himself. He can accomplish everything on our list when our hearts and minds are focused on serving and pleasing Him alone.

Here's a great story that illustrates my point. I didn't ask for permission to share it so I'll leave out the name. I doubt she'd mind either way though. I have a friend who did a Bible study on moderation with a particular focus on food. After completing it, she taught it. She's lost 50 pounds in 6 months coming in under her goal date by 5 days. She didn't join a program, she doesn't obsess about calories or journaling. The only thing that is a no for her is sugar on a regular basis. It was all about a heart change and God's place in her life and letting nothing above Him. She's not done yet and even once all the weight is gone, she knows this will be a lifelong pursuit for her.

No New Year's resolutions for her (or me). Just a continuing daily commitment to the pursuit of Christ, loving and serving others.