Not So Sure It Was A Mask

I've never quite understood Halloween. As a kid I dressed up and went trick-or-treating (I know, some of you are adamantly opposed) but it was a different time plus I think adults read way more into all of it than kids do. For a kid, it's just free candy and fun dress up.

But what I don't get is adults who dress up and "celebrate" Halloween. I went to the grocery store this morning and many of the employees were dressed up. I wouldn't do it but it kind of made sense that it could be a fun thing to do at a store like that. However, I saw customers dressed up too. That's right, customers. Now that I don't get.

There was a guy walking towards me pushing a cart and for the life of me I couldn't figure out if he had painted a mask-like thing on his face or if it was just his normal face thing. He had some dark black lines drawn that connected his piercings so I think it could just be his every day face. I hope I didn't make him feel uncomfortable because all of a sudden I realized I'd been staring at him far too long as we approached. As we passed I just smiled and said hello. Maybe that fixed it.

Of course, if he didn't want people staring he shouldn't paint black lines or have 5 piercings on his face. It just kind of begs to be stared at.

Just a random musing for today. Plus it kind of made me laugh as I pondered whether it was a normal face or once a year face.

Everyone Is Broken Sermon...

...is available online.

Steve's Input

Steve elaborated a bit on his blog about brokenness. And he's looking for input on your experiences with brokenness and the role of the church.

Please take a minute to give him your feedback!

It Smells Like A Church In Here

Steve gave a great sermon yesterday on the fact that we're more similar than different with lost people. We're all broken. That was one of his 2 points. Obviously he expounded on it but that was the point. The other was that we can't afford to let people think we're perfect and doing so does a dis-service to those who are seeking Christ. We need to share our struggles and the hope we have to get through them. Nobody will be drawn to a church or to Christ if they think they don't belong because we're all perfect--which is a facade by the way.

I hope to have it downloaded to the website soon. I have to wait for the tech guy to do whatever it is he does to make it ready.

But what does all that have to do with the title of the post? Yesterday a 4-year-old boy exclaimed, "hey, it smells like a church in here!" He then went over to a wall in the foyer and said "that smells like a wall!" Steve asked him what he thought it should smell like but he wasn't interested in taking questions so it was left just like that. It made perfect sense to him and I guess that's all he was interested in.

That's one of the great things about kids. They haven't learned to be fake, they don't tell us what they think we want to hear, and they're perfectly fine being who they are, warts and all. I believe that's why Jesus said you have to become like a small child to enter the kingdom of God. He's not interested in appearances either. It's all about being real and true.

Such a Dork

Last night a friend shared in Bible study that every time she opens her mouth she changes feet. I've heard that before but it was particularly funny to me in light of what I've done in the last few weeks.

So, I started a new job 3 or 4 weeks ago now. I really didn't think I'd last this long and initially wasn't too excited about it but figured I didn't have to stay if I didn't like it. It's one of those no-challenge kind of jobs but I've discovered a few reasons why I'm supposed to be there. Fortunately my other job requires me to think, many times really hard, so the balance is okay.

Let me back up...before the incident at work, I did virtually the same thing at church. I walked up to this woman whose husband has been coming to Sunday School and said "Hi, you must be (insert her name). I'm Julie." I had spoken with her on the phone so I wanted to put a name with a face. She looked at me kind of funny and said "yes, I am." I said "glad you're here--it's nice to finally meet you!" I walked away quite proud that I had the guts to do that because it's so far outside my comfort zone. I sat down as the service started to do the words on the screen and about halfway through the first song it dawned on me I had totally met her a few weeks earlier. I saw them in the hallway and rushed over to meet her before they left. No wonder she looked at me funny. It's like I had never seen her before. I'm pretty sure I was red-faced the rest of the service.

A few days later I was at work and this guy walked in and said "Hi Julie. How are you?" I replied, "Fine, thanks." Then as I sat there I thought about how he always greeted me but I couldn't remember his name. So, I said "okay, I know you've told me before but can you tell me your name again?" Of all the names in the world, it is Steven. You'd think I'd remember that, right? He walked out of the office and then it dawned on me he started the same day I did and we'd sat through 5 hours of orientation together. Just the two of us. And I couldn't remember his name? What in the world? I sat there uncomfortable for a few minutes and then walked out the door and said "Steven, I can't believe I didn't remember your name when we did orientation together and sat there for 5 hours." He seriously just stared at me with this blank look.

Here's the kicker...he said "um, no, I started a month ago!" I could have withered into a corner I was so embarrassed. I muttered "oh, must be a different Steven." Indeed it was...for some reason it never dawned on me there could be two guys both named Steven. At this point if I ran into the other one, I'm not sure I could pick him out either.

However, since that day I've not forgotten this particular Steven. I guess that's a small consolation prize.

Boils The Blood

Just a quick thought here. Well, it's quick in my mind, let's see how quickly it comes out.

Why is it that when someone needs helps and you offer help (not because they asked but because you figured it out), they still refuse? I get that asking for help is really, really hard. Particularly for those of us who are fiercely independent and have a strong "I can do it myself attitude." Yes, I know how that goes against the grain of community and spiritual family but that's not the topic today.

But, in cases where you didn't ask but someone either just noticed it because they're smart and/or discerning or because someone else noticed and spread it around, why not just take the help? Why not just be thankful, gracious, and let others minister to you?

I think it's 2-fold. First, it's all about pride. Admitting we need help makes us weak. Second, if we take help, we can't wallow in self-pity--believing we're all alone, nobody loves us, and life is just too hard (insert whiny sobs here).

Honestly, I can't think of any other reasons to refuse help. It just doesn't make sense. Okay, my blood is no longer boiling so I can return to the tasks before me.

Are You A Basketball or Football Christian?

Intriguing title, no? On Saturday during the second main session, Miles McPherson was the speaker. He was fantastic. He is pastor of The Rock Church in San Diego. Miles was a professional football player with the Rams and then the Chargers. He was engaging, passionate, and his love for people was so transparent. He believes in meeting people where they are and believe me when I tell you they have some pretty innovative ministries and small groups. It works for them. Might not work for us in Montana but it works in their community. And that's what it is about--figuring out what the needs of our communities are and then meeting them.

Of course I won't be able to say this exactly as he did and part of the humor came in his presentation and voice inflection as well as in the fact that he played football so he has some liberties I do not. However, the point was so on target I wanted to share.

He made the comment that it's time to stop being a basketball Christian and start being a football Christian. Obviously this needed explanation. He said that a football receiver goes out on the field and will get hammered by 300 pound men trying to stop him. Sometimes more than one at a time. BUT, he jumps back up, shakes it off, gets in the huddle and says "give me the ball again!" A basketball Christian is one who gets bumped by someone else or gets a cut on his finger. They immediately cry "FOUL!" and want a free shot.

He said, "that's how so many Christians are today. They get fouled or hurt in life and they limp off the field telling God to give them a break. To take them out. To give them freebies in life."

Isn't that really something to ponder? Life is hard. We get bumped, fouled, tackled. Knocked flat. But we've got to get back up and keep going. There will be a time for rest. We're so blessed for those times in this life but when they don't come, we can take comfort in the fact that we'll have it for eternity. I love it. Great stuff.

A Mixed Bag

I have such a mixed bag of stuff in my head today. This morning I went to the finance office and paid for my SID. Yep, that means we got time to pay it. See, I told you that guy made a big mistake! We had until 5 p.m. today so fortunately that fit in with our return time. I'm so glad to be done with it.

I'm really tired from our trip, more so this year than previous years. I think part of it is just because we were such a big group and being around people all the time emotionally and mentally exhausts me. Top it off with one of my famous face episodes and it just made for a really tiring return trip.

But, oh, what fun we had! The conference was so amazing and as it turns out, we ended up with 2 free registrations to next year's conference because we brought the most people from the farthest. The speakers were fantastic and the worship was utterly amazing. I had great breakout sessions for the most part but this is just not my favorite thing. I don't like walking into a room full of people I don't know and grouping up for discussion. Some people thrive on that. I do not. Frankly, I despise it. I'm so shy in these settings. Plus, there is always at least 1 doofus in the crowd who has to speak after every question and/or tout how much knowledge they have or tell their story. As if the rest of us don't have our own to share if so inclined. But we don't because we have some manners. In some cases there are 4 or 5 in a room. Mostly I want them to be quiet. And I want to tell them to be quiet too. Oh, good for you. You're a genius. How have I gotten this far in life without your insight?

Okay, enough sarcasm. But you know what I'm talking about. And it probably bugs you too but you just don't want to say so. Or maybe that is you. If so, take it down a few pegs, okay?

In any case, here's a few pics. The first were take at Willow and the last 2 were at the pier. These were my favorite because men and women are so different when taking pictures. Look how closely the girls huddle up. Then look at the guys. I actually said "okay, guys, huddle up" thinking maybe the word "huddle" would be manly. The response was "we are." The fact that they posed creatively turned out to be good enough and hilarious enough because these 5 are all "guy's guys". Steve started the lounging with made Rich shake his head and then Phil mimicked on the other side which really befuddled Rich. But for us girls, it provided great entertainment!

In Chicago & Another City Council Win

Tonight we're in Chicago and we'll be here until Sunday. Tomorrow the small group conference starts and part of the fun for us is that not one person in our group this year has been before (excluding us). They're all pretty excited and rightly so because we've told them how great it is! We also had a member of the group who hadn't flown before and another couple who had never flown together before today. They've both flown plenty separately but in 23 years of marriage, never together. Knowing how extensively they've traveled, I was stunned by this revelation.

Another exciting thing that has happened in the last 24 hours is that we had another final semi-victory in the city council last night. A couple of weeks ago I relayed the story of our big win. They all agreed our situation was not handled correctly and there had to be some responsibility taken. We actually had 4 of them on "our side" who were going to oppose the entire measure but then a councilman had a proposal to split the difference between the $33,000 we were told and the $76,000 it actually cost to complete the project. So, we all have to pay around $710 which is more than the $400 but considerably less than the $1025. I'll take that as a win, particularly since one of the councilmen was a huge jerk about it.

But, then the tax guy said we wouldn't be allowed to pay for it because the deadline was 9/30. Well, this DID NOT set well with those of us there and last night I emailed the mayor, every council person, the city administrator, and the finance director telling them it was unrealistic to expect us to pay 3 weeks before we knew what the amount was and since it was delayed at the last meeting, we should rightly be given an extension to pay. It's our right as taxpayers to pay an SID in full, without 6% interest. The tax guy basically said "it's too late, it will be on your taxes, the interest is your responsibility, and it's not my problem." Big mistake.....

With all due respect, it is his problem, thank you very much. So, the mayor was the only one who responded saying it wasn't right and he'd get back to me with a solution to the problem and that we should be given an extension. If that doesn't work, I plan to protest my taxes. Wow, I never thought I'd be a public protester but there it is. This is one of those things worth standing up for in this life.

And that's about it from here, for now.

Remembering Things Better Than They Were

There are so many rich nuggets in my current Bible study (No Other Gods) that my mind is swarming. One day in particular this week jumped off the pages at me because I've done this more times than I care to count. Even right now to a lesser degree than I have in the past.

We were looking at Numbers 11:5 where the Israelites remembered "the fish we ate in Egypt--at no cost--and the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic." (emphasis mine) Now, I already knew that wasn't the case but I reviewed the next set of scriptures anyway. Why do a Bible study if I'm not going to do it completely?

So, we looked at Exodus 1:11-16 and 2:23-25. Here are a few words & phrases describing their true situation in Egypt: slave masters were put over them; forced labor; oppression; hard labor; worked ruthlessly; slavery; midwives were told to kill their sons; groaning; crying. Here's the question - were all the good things they ate in Egypt really at no cost? Not hardly.

This is why it hit me between the eyes. There are some time periods in my life I look back on with great longing. They were the times, if you know what I mean. Here's a couple of examples...we loved our time with the Marine Corps. It was supposed to be forever. Life was easy, financially we had more than we needed. If we really wanted something, we just bought it. I didn't have to work. We had position and respect. I had fun girls to be around. I got to volunteer, go to the beach, go shopping, whatever. It was nirvana. But in reality? We weren't walking with God, we weren't plugged in with local believers (this bit me in the backside during a time of real need), we had one of the greatest bouts of sadness of our lives during this time...not to mention it was always hot and humid. Obviously the biggest sorrow here is that we were running from God.

But see how easy it is to look at that experience through rose colored glasses? On one hand I truly had everything I wanted from a human standpoint. But it was the darkest spiritual time of my entire life. Yet I've longed for it. Isn't that crazy? My memories are really better than the true reality.

I've got a few other times like that too so I've spent some time this week being super honest about both sides of those better-than-life time periods. Yes, they have all had great things associated. But they also had some not so great, even bad things tied in there too. That's life. In 5 years I'll look back and see the same things about where we are now.

The challenge in all this is not to idolize any particular time period but be grateful that I had the opportunities I did because God used them to make me who I am. If I live in the "what was" or "what I wish were right now" type of mentality, I will miss the very things that are amazing about where I am now and I'll live in a perpetual state of regret. I know for sure I don't want that.

And I certainly don't want to long for any time when I was in deep captivity, being treated ruthlessly by the enemy.

Interesting Fact?

Well, I thought it was interesting to learn today in 1892 President Harrison urged citizens to participate and celebrate the 400th anniversary of Columbus' voyage. That's not the interesting part.

Here's what is: it was during this event the Pledge of Allegiance (written by Francis Bellamy) was recited publicly for the first time. I had no idea.

So, there it is. And in case you didn't know, today is Columbus Day.

Manna

What an eye opener in my Bible study lesson this morning! As you may or may not remember, the study is on idols and we're about halfway through. We've identified them, defined them, prayed against them and now we're beginning to look at leaving them.

The lesson took us to Deuteronomy 8:3 and 8:16 which tell us that manna was used to teach them and humble them. Basically they needed to remember that "man does not live by bread alone." They missed the point as they wailed for meat but here's what I noted: God gives us seasons of living on manna because we can't live on it alone. We must depend on him for the rest.

I'm not just referring to money here either although this week I had the great privilege of seeing that provision too. It can be anything. The bottom line is that the only thing we can live on that will stand alone is God himself.

Not terribly profound but enlightening to me anyway. There was another huge eye opener this morning but I want to wallow in this one for today.

God of Provision

I have the most amazing story to share. Today something happened to us that has never happened before and I am humbled, amazed, and ecstatic about what an amazing God we serve.

This summer I knew God was telling me it was time to move on and quit my job. But, given the pay cuts we've endured the last couple of years, I just didn't have it in me to take that step of faith. However, as soon as i did, the doors just opened up before me.

Because of the time frame, I ended up making only half what I needed to during the month of September to cover all our October expenses. So, we cut everywhere we could...all fun was out, savings was out, and on and on...and we were still short. And let's face it, now is not the time to sell stock to cover either. I stopped the process, and said "God, look at my computer--see how it doesn't match? Well, I need you to cover this sometime between now and the end of the month."

Then this weekend Steve and I were discussing our new capital campaign at church. We're passionate about what we're doing, we really believe God is in this, and we know we need to take part. Steve told me what we needed to give to it and I already knew he was right on because I'd been praying about it. So, as we drove home from church I said "alright, let's add this to our prayer because if God wants us to give that amount, he's going to have to provide it."

Today I brought the mail in and spotted an envelope addressed to me from somewhere I wouldn't normally expect to get anything. Inside was a letter addressed to all pastor's wives in the MT SBC telling us thanks for our dedication and sacrifice to ministry in Montana and enclosed was a check from an anonymous contributor for every single one of us.

The best part? It was for the EXACT amount we needed to cover our budget shortage and the campaign amount we knew God wanted us to give. Tears filled my eyes as I read the letter and I stared in disbelief at the check in my other hand. Never in my life have I received a random check in the mail. Yet today I did and today is when I needed it. I am humbled as I stand at the feet of my Savior, the God of so many things but today, for us, the God of provision. I am in awe.

Sunday School Slip Up

Yesterday as Sunday School began I ran to take care of a few small things while the others started. I got back, sat down, and Steve said "we're discussing laws that people don't mind ignoring."

Ever quick with the tongue I said "well, speeding of course." And Steve said, "yeah, we got that one" and right on the heels of that I said "...and murder when it comes to child predators." At that moments, all eyes were on me.

Someone said "wow, that's random." Another said "oh, I see it, speeding...murder. Very similar." And then they laughed and laughed at me.

Okay, I get that speeding and murder aren't the same but I'm sure many, many feel as I do--no mercy for those who prey on children and take away their innocence. I'm pretty sure scripture deals with it harshly too. As a matter of fact, even among criminals, child predators are seen as the bottom of the heap and frequently meet their demise at the hands of other prisoners. That really should tell us something. Rehabilitation? Not likely.

Really, all randomness of the comment aside, am I alone?

New Glasses..and Vulnerability

This post will help you understand why I am the way I am. As with most people, I am influenced by my friends. Fortunately they are great girls with hearts for God and all of them serve like crazy. So, I don't mind being influenced by them and of course I influence them too so maybe all this rubbing off on each other is what makes us all similarly weird.

My friend got new glasses this week. Actually, she's never worn them before now. A couple of weeks ago at the conference (yes, I am still soaking it in and will post about it soon) I was watching as she tried to read with great struggle and difficulty. I told her that wasn't normal and she needed to see an eye doctor. She did....there's that influence thing. Or she might have anyway but it makes me feel better to take some credit.

Anyway, she told me on the phone today that when she picked them up and put them on, she repeatedly remarked how clearly she could see when she put them on. She proceeded to take them on and off, all the while remarking about the clarity. Um, yep, that's what they are supposed to do. But, the funniest thing is that she asked the lady, "are these so clear because the lenses are clean?" Apparently the woman looked at her as if she was a brick shy of a load.

As soon as she said it she realized how ridiculous it sounded but the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. As she told me this my first response was laughter but then I realized this is one of the reasons I love her so much. She isn't afraid of being vulnerable.

It's a scary thing to lay it all out there because the potential for hurt can be so great but the rewards of doing so are also so great. Of course many things we share stay between us but things like this we allow one another to share freely.

Love ya T!

Glad to be Alone

I'm so glad to be alone this week. I was actually excited that Steve ended up going to Kalispell so I could have a few days alone. I realize that may sound weird to some and it's certainly not because we're unhappy or don't like each other. That simply isn't the case. We spent the first 19 years of our marriage making it work really well in spite of long separations, opposite work schedules, and the relative uncertainty of tomorrow between the military and law enforcement. So to say the last year has been an adjustment is an understatement!

We seem to be a couple of extremes--a year apart was a bit too much but a couple days a year doesn't seem to be enough. The only thing that could have made this week better is if I could have spent the majority of it in my pajamas watching movies. I feel the need to veg out and escape (yes, at the same time).

I had big plans this week but sadly they aren't working out as I had hoped. I think I want another week. But I don't want to take care of the dogs. They're bugging me. A lot.