One week in particular has been stuck in my brain for 3 weeks. I keep mulling it over and over. The study is Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed; a Lifeway study featuring Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. In the second video session by Beth Moore she talked about a "point of devastation" we encounter not once but more likely many times on this life journey. She asked something along the lines of "what do we do when God doesn't behave? When he doesn't act like we think he should?"
Now, before you go thinking that statement is heretical, the question is really "what do we do when God doesn't behave as we think he should?" (You'd have to watch the entire video in context) Obviously God doesn't mis-behave. He does, however, behave differently than we think he should or than we'd like. And nothing upsets our faith more than when God acts differently than we think he should or how we'd like. At that point we're devastated. What do we do?
This is EXACTLY where I am. God has done something completely out of my plan for my life, something I didn't desire and something I don't like. Not one bit. By the way, this isn't the first time. I can promise you I never desired or asked for a chronic illness...never, ever. Certainly not twice in one lifetime. Yet here it is. What am I going to do with that?
She went on to say that our calling is just beyond that point of devastation and we can't fully realize that calling until we move past the devastation. The story used in the video portion I am referring to comes from 2 Samuel 6 where David was attempting to bring the Ark of God back to Jerusalem and because of a failure to do it as prescribed, Uzzah was struck down and died. David was angry. David was afraid. Man, can I relate to that!
I conclude from this that it's okay to be confused by events that happen to us, it's okay to be angry and even okay to be afraid. BUT WE CANNOT STAY THERE. Obviously we're not going to sail through these events and never feel emotion. After all, we are human and we don't know how it's all going to come together. There is no sense in denying it otherwise we'll become bitter and the infestation will rob us of our joy for the rest of our lives. And just as horrible, we will be fake. I despise phoniness. Yet I've realized some of that in my life prior to and during this latest trial. I take comfort in the fact that I am shuddering at the thought of missing out on doing great things for God because I can't get over it. I actually wrote out the following questions in an effort to process...what if I don't believe God is who he says he is? What if I don't believe he has something great for me? What if I don't get past the point of devastation? What will my life miss? Pretty deep stuff for me to ponder, actually.
And there it is. I am now trying to figure out what I need to do to get past the devastation of what is happening to me so that I can take my rightful place in the calling that lies just beyond. And so do you.
