Not Just Parenting Advice

Last week Steve and I met with a couple who are having difficulties with their children. We're in kind of a weird place when people ask us advice on parenting. While we are not inept, the truth is, we don't have to do it day in and day out. Scripture has a lot to say about parenting and discipline and not only have we always spent a lot of time with Erica and Peter, we spend a lot of time with other people's kids too. So, we know it in theory and live it out in short bursts but of course daily is something else.

So, we always preface any advice with just that--we can tell you the right things to do and what God has to say BUT....

However, I don't think it disqualifies us from ministering to parents. There is nobody in the world who has experienced everything. Ultimately God has given us authority to minister. So, as we counseled with these parents, one thing that came up is this struggle for control and decision making. The oldest child is 11 and wants control. Obviously he's not old enough for it, but he does need to be allowed to make some decisions in his life. How else will he learn? They can't expect him to turn 18 and all of a sudden have proper decision making skills. They must teach him.

We told them he needs to be allowed to make some decisions but there needs to be consequences if he chooses poorly. And they must follow through with what they tell him will happen if he chooses X instead of Y. I tried to explain the spiritual implications from that too.

God lets us make choices and decisions. Sometimes (frequently maybe?) we don't choose what He wants for us but we get to do it anyway. And then there are consequences. Discipline follows. And when we choose what is right, we get blessing and reward. By teaching children this same dynamic, parents are also showing them how to relate to God.

Here's a great story about Peter that explains it perfectly. He learned a word at 3 that he absolutely should not have known. Sadly it was from me. So, one day he called his sister this name (it's like dumb butt). She told their dad. He called Peter upstairs and told him that was not a word he could say.

Peter asked, "Can I say it at grandma's?"

"No," Jerry replied.

"Can I say it at Nana Mo's?" (that's what he called me)

"No. You can't say it ANYWHERE or you'll get a spanking."

"How many times?" Peter asked. Jerry wasn't expecting that question and wasn't prepared to answer it. He thought the promise of consequences would be enough.

He made something up thinking it would deter Peter. "Three times," he said.

Peter got down off the bed, promptly walked downstairs and declared, "Erica, dumb***!" Jerry heard it from the kitchen and called out, "Peter!"

"I coming," he said (remember, he was only 3 so give him a break on the grammar!) With that, he walked up the stairs and took his punishment.

Here's the deal--he was told not to say it. He knew what would happen if he did. His dad would have preferred he NOT do it, but ultimately, it was Peter's decision. He chose poorly and received the punishment he was told he would.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's exactly what God does. And just as it was for Peter's own good, it's also for ours.