Having started the week on such a high note, the lows of the week have felt incredibly low. I felt great on Sunday but by Monday afternoon and into Tuesday, my "face episodes" had taken new heights. Wednesday found me in minor surgery but major pain. And disappointment. And questions. No answers, mind you, but definitely questions.
Today is the first day I am attempting sans pain medication. And it hurts. The 2 things I enjoy immensely; talking and laughing; are nearly impossible for me today and so I revert to writing, watching movies, and yes, even listening! And while I have a well of tears behind my eyes, I can't let them go because that hurts too. So why not just take a pain pill? Well, to put it simply, when I take them I over-do it because I don't realize my limitations. Secondly, they make me feel disconnected, as if I don't have full use of my faculties and I don't like that. Third, I don't like being "all hopped up on goofballs" (classic line from one of our favorite shows). I do believe with all the antibiotics I'm taking that a bacteria within 7,000 miles of me would have no chance of getting through.
Mostly today I'm feeling disappointed -- tonight is the first show of the Christmas musical and not only did I have a small radio part but I was to run the computer media too. I'm not only seriously disappointed that I can't participate but feel huge guilt that I'm letting down the rest of the cast and the choir. All of these feelings are self-imposed and everyone realizes there was nothing I could have done to prevent this but I just feel horrible about it. I had hoped, even last night while staring in the mirror at my HUGELY, OUT OF PROPORTION SWOLLEN FACE, that I would wake up 100% better and able to participate. But it didn't happen.
Yet even in all this I have been powerfully ministered to. We've had meals brought to us, even though we tried to discourage it. But that's what the family of God does -- care for each other and that even applies to us. It's easy to help others but not so easy to accept that same care yourself. Pride? Ah, yes, that ugly little thing that keeps us from admitting our need for and accepting help. But for the persistence of my friend, Tonya, we would have missed God's blessing on us this week. And we are so utterly grateful.
And my mom came and sat with me so Steve could go to work, I had people who dropped off smoothies and milkshakes, a book, and of course even flowers to brighten my day. The day of the surgery Erica picked Peter up at school and together they brought over 2 carnations, purple as you might have guessed, and visited with us for a while. It's a dear, sweet memory I will cherish for a long time.
So in spite of this really bad week, God has been evident. And in the midst of this really long post, maybe you've been encouraged too.
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