An Amazing Amount of Faith

When I grow up I want to have as much faith as my husband. He's completely unwavering in his dedication to and the growth of his faith. Even when things don't turn out the way he prays they will, he still stands strong and firm in what he knows to be truth. Amazing isn't even a big enough word to describe it.

Several months ago we really felt like I was supposed to quit my second job. Steve simply said "do it." Me? Not so much. The number cruncher I am, I put a pen and paper to it. "Nope," I declared, "it doesn't work. Can't do it." I continued to work a couple more months. Things got tougher and again I knew I should quit. With Steve's assuring nod of approval I did so. I knew at the time we would be short every single month but Steve was so confident I really believed too. I began to keep a journal of God's faithfulness so I would know exactly how God provided. It's been staggering to reflect on.

Before I tell you what those entries total, I'll share a perfect example. In October it was decided we would spend New Year's with Steve's family, courtesy of free airfare provided by one of the brother's frequent flyer miles. Provision #1. My next question was, "well, what are we going to do about money once we get there?" We had a place to stay and transportation but what about meals and activities? Steve told me he would handle it. This was so hard for me because I'm the money person in the house and I already knew there was no possible way we could make it happen. As a matter of fact we didn't even have a Christmas budget and now he thinks we can add this too? Sure. You'd think after having an amazing vacation handed to us that will take place in January I'd not waver. If only I weren't such a doofus. Sadly, I am.

A couple weeks after his declaration that he'd handle it I asked Steve how his plan was going. His reply was "it's going." Another week went by and I asked again. Same answer. I couldn't stand it. I asked, "do you even really have a plan?" "Yep," he said. "Okay, what is it?" I asked. With much conviction he said, "I'm praying for it." Now, the story would be great if I told you I was sure and gung-ho about the results but I seriously was not. S-K-E-P-T-I-C-A-L best describes my outlook. I continued to check in periodically growing increasingly skeptical as time flew by. Finally I said "you know, we leave in 2 weeks." He said he knew that and it wasn't time to get on the plane so by his calculations, God still had time to provide.

Want to know what happened next? Between December 15th and 24th we received not only enough money while we're in NH but we have also received our spending money for our cruise, money for new tires, our shortage for the month, and a little to hang on to for our next need. Ironically, Steve's computer died last week so maybe that's what the extra was for and God just knew it would happen before it did so He gave that in advance.

My outlook is now S-H-O-C-K. I absolutely should not be shocked. We work for and serve the God who owns it all. To him, this money is a mere drop in the bucket. It's huge for us but it's almost as if He's saying "really, that's all you needed? No problem." He completely wowed me but I think it's more the result of Steve's never ending faith and belief that God can and will answer his prayers. Not just for our true needs like housing, food, clothes, etc. but also for the desires of his heart....sometimes.....even if his wife hasn't arrived yet.

Since I quit my second job, God has given us double what I would have made had I continued to work at Coke. I don't think He would have done this had I not quit because it was a matter of obedience. My desire for 2010 is that I would strive to believe God, not just believe in God. Those two things are very different. I'm long over New Year's resolutions and the up and down of failing to attain things that are so superficial it's ridiculous. But this one God will honor because it's a matter of His heart--and mine.

Merry Christmas!

All In The Pursuit of Beauty

Last night I caught about 10 minutes of some show that was highlighting an online business selling something like botox. The site further had videos showing exactly how and where to inject the stuff. This site was not owned or run by doctors yet woman after woman purchased from this site to look younger and feel better about themselves.

They were trying to save a few bucks. The end result was an absolute disaster. Most of these women have since spent thousands of dollars trying to fix what they did to themselves. One woman actually said "I have no one to blame but myself." At least she realizes it. One of the doctors who is working on her now said that even though he's done thousands of these procedures, he would never perform one on himself. It's simply too dangerous. He said the product, if injected in the wrong place, could cause blindness, nerve damage, irreparable scarring.

One woman in Korea who was a former model injected vegetable oil in her face. The end result was a completely disfigured face. She'll never model again to be sure.

All of this for the pursuit of beauty....a fleeting beauty no less. Vanity is perhaps closer to the truth. When Steve came upstairs I was telling him about it and we had what I consider a fairly interesting conversation. In the end we concluded that this is sinful behavior. Now, if a person has reconstruction or plastic surgery as the result of cancer, an accident, combat or the like, that makes total sense. It's not a matter of vain pursuit of beauty. But to remove a wrinkle due to laugh lines or simple aging is the sign of someone trying to find their worth and value in their physical appearance. This is wrong.

I've been thinking about this all day. I totally believe in taking care of oneself and doing what we can but to think we can stop the aging process or become more valuable with surgery is going down a road with dangerous consequences. Not to mention it won't work long term.

These women tried to remove small wrinkles. To them they were huge. Now they have huge scars, have spent thousands of dollars and in the end their small wrinkle is no longer the problem. Every one of them said they now think they look hideous. One wouldn't show her face on camera. The very thing they tried to attain eludes them still.

This is one of the reasons I think it's so important to learn where to find our value. It's why I'm passionate about it. It isn't in what we do, who we marry or give birth to, or what we look like. It's who we are in Christ. That's the only thing that will increase our beauty as the wrinkles come. It will cause us to give of ourselves in service to others, to love others and make an impact for eternity.

This is one message I'll share until the day I die--not only for the reasons stated above but also because I've struggled more often than not with staying grounded with this. It's so easy to get caught up and before I know it, that stronghold is back. I must be on guard against it at all times. We all must. And more importantly, we must teach the next generation the truth.

It's Hard Not To Be Jaded....

In spite of the horrible things we see on the news every day, I try very hard not to be jaded. I have no delusions that people are basically good. They are not. If so, we wouldn't need law enforcement and the military. Those are just examples and that's not really the point of my post anyway.

Tonight I ran to Office Max for some printer supplies and then decided to go ahead and run to the post office. As I pulled into the parking lot I surveyed my surroundings because it's kind of tucked in the background and the offices around it are virtually deserted by 6:30 pm. I noticed there was one other truck in the parking lot but it had a temporary tag on it so I couldn't even get a snapshot in my head of what the # would be just in case......here's the deal, I really knew I was safe but I kind of like those mystery who-dun-it shows and after a while, that junk sticks in your brain.

So, I took just my credit card and got out of the car locking it as I went. The guy had come out of the post office and was getting in his truck. I walked in front of it but focused on my mission so didn't pay much attention to him. All of a sudden I hear him say loudly "mam!" Seriously, my heart jumped out of my chest. I swung around to see him standing on the running board of his truck and for a brief second thought about bolting to my car, jumping in, and getting out of there. As quickly as the thought was there, it was gone and I regained my sensibilities that if he were really trying to hurt me, he probably wouldn't call me "mam" or actually call out at all. He'd just jump me.

I replied "yes?" and he said "do you know where I can get some stamps?" Okay, now I was REALLY freaked out. We were in the parking lot of the post office! I pointed to the door and said, "um, yeah, in there. They have an automated postal machine that sells stamps." He went on to say he'd tried that and it wouldn't take his card. I asked him if it was out of order but he said it just didn't take his card. So, I presumed it was a money problem. I told him I thought Wal-Mart sold stamps and he said he had a really important letter to mail so he'd try that.

Now composed, I walked into the post office and as I was buying my stamps, I was all of a sudden disgusted with myself that I hadn't told him to wait a second and that I'd be right back with stamps and he could have one. Then again, I was just thrilled he didn't slit my throat. Oh well, nice thought, right?

As I walked out the door I noticed he was still there and was quite pleased that I wasn't frightened by the thought he might be waiting for me. He had his cab light on and was scouring through stacks of papers and sacks in his truck. I mused that he was probably looking for a stamp. Not wanting to scare the daylights out of him I waited in front of his truck until he looked up and then I motioned for him to roll down his window. I walked over and asked, "can I give you a stamp for your letter?" His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really?" he asked. I told him sure, it's my pleasure. He then said, "could I actually get one more?" Absolutely, why not? So I gave it to him and he started looking in various compartments in his truck while asking how much he owed me.

"Nothing. It's on me. Glad I could help." He looked up like I'd slapped him or hit him with cold water. "Free? Nothing's free!" he exclaimed. "Well," I said, "this is." He said "well, thank you! Merry Christmas. Happy Thanksgiving and all that." I waved as I walked away and said, "you're welcome. Same to you."

I got in my car fairly ashamed that my first instinct of this man was the worst possible scenario. Just like me, he only wanted some stamps. He was no serial killer, not a thug but just a guy needing to mail a letter. It's hard not to be jaded but it's also smart to be aware of my surroundings and take precautions. This thought comforted me as I went on my way.

As I got about a block away I was further ashamed that I missed an opportunity to share with him the real meaning of Christmas and that the best gift truly is free. I had a brief moment with him and I just didn't see it because I was too caught up with my initial fear and subsequent relief. That's the worst feeling ever.

A Matter of Mediocrity

This morning as I was waking up the radio was on and I listened to caller after caller give a shout out to their family members in current military service. Say what you want about country music (I love it!) but "The Breakfast Flakes" on 102.9 are patriots and activists. And just plain hilarious too.

Before long tears streamed down my face because I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for my freedoms and the sacrifice of so many to secure them. I recalled some of the fears I had not too many years ago as Steve willingly did what he felt from the bottom of his toes was his duty in the lands abroad. He told me what a great honor it would be to die for his country and the protection of freedoms and while I understood his heart, I desperately did not want to lose him.

Something the flakes said stirred up deep feelings in my soul. They commented about how one of the biggest battles we face is right here on American soil as evidenced by the recent tragedy at Fort Hood. An attack within by the erosion of our moral compass, the need to always be politically correct and a most dreaded word....tolerance. Yes, even of those who openly participate in any and every evil thing we can imagine. Those who align themselves with religions that encourage the slaughter of innocent people and Americans in particular. And to say anything causes us to be held in the highest contempt. And so we don't. We walk around with blinders on as if the freedoms so many have died for will last forever. Make no mistake, they will not.

I think of the Roman Empire and the enormity of power and greatness they once had. They crumbled from within. By the end, they were in utter chaos and complete lack of anything moral or good. Should we think we are better, smarter, or more advanced than they? Hardly! They were at the top intellectually, militarily, and (in their own mis-guided way) spiritually in their time. We, too, can and will crumble from within if those who know better don't stand up and cry "enough!" That's what drove our forefathers to this land in the first place.

Without the shedding of blood there is no remission (see Hebrews 9:22) and there is also no freedom. We didn't get the free country we have by talking about it or negotiating for it. The price was high and many were willing to pay that price so their families and the generations after them could hold fast to freedom.

Today on this Veteran's Day, let's honor those who gave their last full measure and do something. Let's not throw up our hands and think it hopeless. It is not. Let's not take our freedoms for granted and be soft or accept mediocrity. We can make a difference. Those who have died deserve no less nor do those coming behind us.

My Husband is 234 Years Old Today

So, how's that for a really catchy title? Given that, he looks superb, don't you think?

Today is the 234th birthday of the United States Marine Corps. It's a special day for anyone honored enough to have earned the title of Marine. It's not something you do or something you did once, it's who you are. Once a Marine, always a Marine.

No other branch like it. Unique in all the world and they are a lean, clean running machine. This applies to them personally as well but I was referring to the Corps in its entirety. Small budget but biggest bang for the buck. Designed to be highly mobile and able to be anywhere they need to be in the shortest amount of time. Congress has long been a friend to the Marine Corps, protecting them as various presidents tried to do away with them....didn't know that, did you?

Okay, so I'll probably be accused of being biased and/or partial but this blood runs Marine green. Happy Birthday not only to my Major but to all Marines everywhere!

Against All Odds, It's A Go

Anyone who has spent maybe 15 minutes with me knows how much I love to go on vacation to new places and see things never captured with these greenies. I actually believe I NEED to do this. Intellectually I can tell myself that's not true but I can't seem to make myself believe it.

Our last vacation was March 2008 when we took "the girl" (also known as our beautiful niece Erica) to New York City for her 18th birthday / graduation gift. We do seriously call her "the girl"--well, mostly Steve because I call her Reeks. Anyway, I knew after that trip nothing would be in sight for quite some time and as this year rolled on, I began to despair at the thought of never having another vacation in my lifetime. Yes, I am also overly dramatic, just ask Steve.

We are making it every month and God is blessing us huge even though we make 50% of what we made in 2007. There just isn't a vacation fund anymore. A few weeks ago we were invited to go with some friends on a cruise for a remarkable price of $299 each. My heart began to pound, my palms got sweaty (at least I think so but we were in a pool so I can't be certain). I knew we had our final frequent flier miles available and I was giddy thinking about it. I proved to Steve in black and white that we could come up with the $800 for the cruise / hotel and we could use his plasma money for excursions. Of course that would mean he would have to start donating again. He said he wanted to think about it and pray about it to see if we should really be doing something else with that money. He also told me not to bug him while he did so. It was 3 days of agony as I waited. Finally, the day came and he said "I think it'd be alright if we went."

I made a beeline for the computer to check it out. I'm pretty sure I moved so fast the flames shot out from the bottom of my shoes. I soon discovered there were no available dates for award travel within 3 weeks of the bon voyage. Shoot. Not to be deterred, I looked at airfare just to see....$500 each to fly. Steve said no, it was too much. I was seriously shattered and yes, I know it was just a vacation but the idea of time off and away was too alluring. I texted my friend and said "thanks for the invite but airfare is a deal breaker for Steve so you two go and have fun. Maybe next time." She messaged back and said she'd keep watching airfare but I knew it was done. I was dejected.

Then came Pastor Appreciation month and a most generous gift. Inside the card it said "we'd like you to do something fun and relaxing with this." We didn't want to accept it. We tried not to but they stood their ground and said it wasn't from them but from the generous God we serve. We didn't want to insult them but it's hard to be a gracious receiver of such generosity. So we humbly accepted and are honoring their request to do something fun and relaxing.

Against all human odds, the cruise is on again. It has nothing to do with human will, desire or provision. It's all about the supernatural workings of the God who is concerned with every detail of my life and wants to give me not only what I need from day to day but also many of my desires. And I'm humbled at this as well as the gift that made it possible by people who were willing to listen and be obedient when God told them to do something. Oh, their blessings are coming. Of that I am certain.

My Poor Neglected Blog

I'm not sure how a person goes from doing nearly a post a day (at least 5 a week) early on and then all of a sudden POOF! it's like 5 a month.

It's certainly not lack of material. My life is a virtual goldmine for spiritual implications, lessons and the like. I also don't think it's lack of desire. To ponder and muse about things helps me process and occasionally helps a weary sojourner or two along the way. I love that.

I think it's just life. Never have I worked so little yet been so busy. When I think of working I'm referring to paid hours. I don't have too many of those. But work is so much more than that for me these days. 90% of my work time is unpaid, aka ministry opportunities. This is why it was so essential for me to quit my second job.

I've not mastered the balance yet I know I will have to weed some things out. Initially I quit my second job for a few reasons--to serve alongside Steve by supporting HIS ministry and to stay more on top of my home to name just two. There are more not worth the read (as if those were).

This is an interesting season. I'm learning so much which I know is preparing me for the next season, whatever that turns out to be. So while my blog is kind of neglected these days, my mind and body are anything but still and lazy.

One day, one day......

Opportunities for Relationship

This last week I had my second teeth cleaning and check up for the year. I do not like going to the dentist. I have no reason not to like it other than a fear based on absolutely nothing but what might be in the future. My dentist is nice guy, every hygienist I've had there has been nice and I've never had a cavity in my entire life. That's likely my problem. I am terrified that one day Dr. P will say "Julie, you have a cavity." I think it might kill me. Okay, okay...over dramatization but it will definitely bum me out and cause me great anxiety.

One of the things that has greatly annoyed me over the years is when the person cleaning my teeth continually tries to engage me in a conversation. Seriously, I cannot respond to a question when their hands are in my mouth! You think they would know this. It's one of those times when silence is really, truly alright. Oh, but no, they just chatter, chatter, chatter.

This time though I ended up with a totally different perspective on the entire thing.

So, "R" did the standard cleaning and x-rays, all the while talking to me. I responded as best I could with the usual annoyance settling in. I know a few things about R because he's cleaned my teeth for 2 years now (I always get the new people, probably because I'm fairly low maintenance). He's a super nice guy but I feel like an Amazon woman around him. He's 4 or 5 inches shorter than I am and I just tower over him. We discovered we went to the same high school about the same time. He's a few years older than me. I have also learned he's Roman Catholic. There are a few other tidbits I've learned about him over the years.

But then it happened. I finished the fluoride treatment and while we waited for the doctor to come do the 2 minute check up, R asked me if I came from a big family. I said yes because I think a family with 5 kids is big these days. So I told him I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters and then asked if he had a big family. He said "yeah, I have 9 sisters and 10 brothers." Real casual like too. I think my jaw dropped open and then I asked what I thought was the next logical question..."from the same parents?" He said "yes. My parents were married until the day my dad died." WOW. I was so flabbergasted. Who has 20 kids?

I asked him the age range and he thought for a second. With that many of course he would have to! He said the youngest is 40, the oldest 60. HOLY COW! Not only 20 kids but in 20 years? Yep, one a year for 20 years. His mother was essentially pregnant from 18 to 38. He then told me his mom is 78 and she does pretty well but does have osteoporosis. The doctors have told her it's because she had so many kids close together that it took too much calcium from her bones. Well, don't you imagine it did?

Then he shared how the previous weekend he'd helped her can tomatoes and they all have a love of gardening they got from their dad. They always had a huge garden because it helped feed the family. Of course it did. How else could a person afford that?

Then I asked the next logical question..."how many bathrooms were in your house?" He said, "oh, just one." ONE?!?! YIKES! Then he said, "well, we weren't all in the house at the same time. The most living there at one time was 14 plus my parents." Oh, you're right, that is so much better. Apparently they staggered their wake time to help with this. Can. Not. Imagine.

He further told me how his childhood home had burned to the ground and he has plans to buy the lot from his mom because it's been empty for years and he's going to put a house on it. And his mom makes the best homemade tortillas you've ever tasted. At least he thinks so. He's probably right too. Since Steve and I absolutely LOVE Mexican food, we talked about great Mexican restaurants in the area and not so great too. He's an expert of sorts, because he grew up on the authentic stuff made from Mexican parents.

It was at this point I realized that rather than be annoyed by the chatter while having my teeth cleaned, I should be delighted at the opportunity to develop a relationship with this man. Not a weird relationship mind you, just an avenue to get to know him and "give an answer to him who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have" (1 Peter 3:15).

Opportunities all around me with people I interact with regularly and up to now I've largely missed it. "No more" is my prayer.

The Saga of the Spider

Let's be clear. I HATE SPIDERS. Hate. Them. Not to mention I'm afraid of them too. We seem to have a never ending supply at the Laurel Campus. One day while we were working I killed 4 of them and 2 millers (or moths for you non-Montanans). Actually there are a plethora of them everywhere this time of year but this year it seems particularly troublesome for me. Here's what happened today....

Well, before I get to today, I have to set it up with what happened last week. Steve went out to the church on Wednesday night and texted me this picture:

I sent him a text back saying "it's official. I need to find a new church." I so amused myself. I naturally assumed he killed it but felt the need to ask him. HE DID NOT! Can you believe that? I asked why on earth he'd let that thing live and he simply stated "it would have made too big of a mess and I didn't want to clean it up. Plus he's not frightened of them. He thinks they are friendly and valuable. My theory is this - when a critter crosses the threshold of a building, they must die. M-U-S-T.

So, today we went out to do some more painting and trim work. Steve was putting all the trim around the floor and window and it was my job to get the touch up pencil and fill in the air nail holes. I was moving along on my knees and I reached over to fill the corner holes. There it was. A spider so big I jumped up and screamed. I ran out of the room looking for Steve. He comes in and casually says "hey, that looks like the one I let live last week." "Not this time," I said. "KILL IT!"

He took a paint brush to budge it out of the corner and as it scurried away, he used the hammer in his other hand and squished that thing flat. There were spider guts everywhere. Steve was not kidding - that thing made a huge mess. There it was, running down the wall. I've never seen anything like it. Of course I'd never seen such a big, ugly spider either.

I wiped it off but was so disgusted and didn't hesitate to tell Steve so. Here's the ensuing few sentences:

S: Calm down Princess.

J: You say that like it's a bad thing.

S: I just didn't know I married a Princess, that's all.

Honestly, I don't know exactly when that happened either. But there it is. I realized it for the first time in August. And I'm okay with it. Then we left and he went directly to the landfill. Made me help unload too. I didn't hesitate to tell him that was not work for a princess but he wasn't so concerned. Actually, he didn't care a single itty bitty bit.

The Familiarity of Family

Labor Day Weekend has become one of my family's biggest get-together weekends. It wasn't always that way. Occasionally my dad would make one of his famous grilled bbq beef thingies (yes, that's the official name) but it wasn't every year.

All that changed in 2006. That's the year we lost dad and Jeff & Carolyn began coming up for the weekend. It still kind of weirds me out that Jeff , who is the age of my oldest sibling, could also be my dad's closest friend. Okay, so that was a sidebar. Anyway, we began that year getting together in honor of my dad and it seems that each year is more dear to my heart than the year before.

This year was no exception. I enjoyed each day but it was Sunday night as we played Taboo for hours that I looked around the table so grateful for family. Many of the clues started with "oh, this happened that time we..." Each time we got the answer. The heck with all the words we couldn't say, we had something better--history. There is a bond between us that few others can really penetrate. It comes from time spent together over the years. Jeff is one of those few that was able to make it from the outside in. This is no small feat given his 6' 8" frame!

It's all about familiarity. That's not to say we haven't developed deep friendships outside of the family because we definitely have. But in this circle of people we share something different and it's not about bloodline. Strangely enough as I thought about family, it dawned on me that the strongest chords holding us together aren't made of the good times. Sure, we've had plenty of those but it's the times of heartbreak that have tested the strength of our family ties.

I can't even believe I'm about to type this but I have fond memories and feelings of those days leading up to dad's funeral. All of us moved through the unbelievably thick fog together, not really knowing where we were going or how we were going to hold up but knowing whatever came at us, we'd handle it together. We didn't have to say a lot of words--most frequently it was just a look we all understood because of familiarity. We made it together because we're family.

Not that we're a perfect group. There is no such thing. But in spite of all our faults and flounderings over the years, we truly enjoy our time together. We drive each other crazy while at the same time love each other like mad.

I wouldn't trade it for anything. And with that I close this post because the overwhelming emotion of it is causing my eyes to brim with tears, making it incredibly difficult to see my screen.

My Blondie Turns 40

Today is the 40th birthday of my best friend and love of my life. I wanted to honor him with a

party but he asked that I not do that because he so hates being the center of attention. The complete opposite of yours truly. I've known Steve for 25 years, over half our lives. We met in youth group and given my affinity for blondies, I had an instant crush. It wasn't until 3 years later that I knew we'd get married one day.

Long before we said "I do" I watched my friend lose his mother and try to pick up the pieces of his life afterwards. He was 16. I cannot even imagine. He amazed me then and he amazes me now.

All life is a gift from God and I am in awe of the life of Steven Lortz. He is passionate about his relationship with Christ, his love of being a Marine, and yes, even his unpredictable wife. He never takes a single day for granted, probably because of the few short years he had with his mother. He lives life to the fullest, pursues his dreams, and never, ever looks back. He never wonders "what was", "what if", or "what could be". He simply lives today with what he's been given today.

I've learned so much from Steve about letting people off the hook, making decisions based on fact and not emotion, and having no regrets.

Steve is one of the true heroes of my life. I cannot fathom my life without him even when he drives me crazy!

Happy birthday Steven--I am crazy about you rather than just plain crazy:) You enrich my life and my family.

Pictures: Steve as a newborn (wasn't he HUGE?); Steve at 3 (don't you love the bowl haircut?); Steve training in 29 Palms about a month before he left for Iraq - 4 years ago but it seems like yesterday.

Fit For Complaining

Today I was at EBC Laurel Campus putting another coat of stain on a new door. Steve was doing some drywall work and helping Rick finish the siding (which looks FABULOUS by the way). So, I had put the stain on and had such a wave of nausea that I had to lie down for a minute.

Out came some ladies from their study. There is one woman who never has an interaction with Steve without complaining. N-E-V-E-R! From my perch I heard her say to him on her way out "you really stunk it up in here with that door". SERIOUSLY? How about "wow, that door is looking nice" or "things are moving along nicely". Nope. It stinks in here. I actually asked Steve if it is possible for her to interact with him without complaining. He said "oh, I suppose it's possible, just not likely." HA! He cracks me up.

Oh, but that wasn't enough. She comes back and says "Steve, the toilet seat in the smaller stall in the women's bathroom doesn't fit right. You need to look at it."

At this point it was all I could do not to jump up and tell her to go home and use her own toilet. Or how about this one - use the OTHER stall if it bothers you? Can you guess what spiritual gifts I do not possess?

People are dying and going to hell, we're working our tails off to get ready for the grand opening and all she can do is complain because the toilet seat isn't EXACTLY right? Are you kidding me?

I was about to explode so I had to call a friend who could calm me down so as not to give her a tongue lashing she'd not soon forget. It just hit me wrong. Is it asking too much for her to encourage her pastor a little bit? Cut him a little slack? Or better yet, grab a brush and start painting? Can she just serve someone else?

My friend said "Juls, some people are just fit for complaining. How boring would our lives be without these people?"

She's right but my answer is, I don't know how boring it would be but I'd like a shot at it.

Not The Week I Anticipated

I was really looking forward to this week because it's my first week working one paying job in quite a while. I had a list of things I really wanted to accomplish and that all lasted through Monday. That's right. Just Monday.

Tuesday I not only had a more-frequent-than-I'd-like face episode but I started to recognize the pain in my lip that was strikingly similar to December 2007. Rather than doing what I intended Tuesday afternoon I went home and took a nap. Sure enough, when I awoke, my lip was about twice its normal size. Shoot. Here we go again. Wednesday morning it looked almost exactly the same as the previous time just not quite as big.

I called the doctor who fixed me up only to discover his office was closed for vacation. He told me at my last follow up that this would likely happen again and I guess he was right. He wanted me to be sure and come in if (when) it did. Shoot again. I called my regular doctor only to discover he had just returned from vacation and was overbooked. They could see me next week. Seriously? Next week? What about a patient in urgent need of care? At this point I'm beyond "shoot" and can just say "dung." So I went to same day care which is generally alright but for this I really didn't want to but having no other option, I went. The doctor was a nice guy and very knowledgeable but not having seen me before, he just didn't really understand. I get that.

I'm now on 3 different prescriptions and there is little improvement. Tomorrow morning I go to the specialist who is now back from vacation. I shudder to think he might tell me he needs to do the same surgery he did before--actually, I can't really bear the thought but that's a worry for tomorrow, not tonight.

Mostly today during my awake hours (and there hasn't been many of them) I've been confused and dismayed. There is no spiritual enlightment for me this time; there are no insights. Just plain, simple confusion. Why me...AGAIN? Why now? What is the purpose? Surely there is one but I just don't see it. I am unbelievably disheartened by all this and tired of the whole thing. When do I get a stinkin' break?

How Dumb Are We Getting?

I am thoroughly convinced we are getting dumber every day. With each new technology and discovery that seems to point to our intelligence, we match it with equal stupidity. For example, do we really need warnings on coffee telling us it's hot? Or instructions on pop tarts explaining what to do with them?

Today as we waited for my brother and sister-in-law to fill out the paperwork for the boat rental at Bighorn Canyon, we found the instructions below on the microwave..."how to make a cold sandwich hot". They are a little blurry so I restated them below the picture, along with my own editorial of course.

Erica and I about died laughing!

Step 1 "Open both ends of the wrapper."

Step 2 "Set oven timer to letter code on the product label."

Step 3 "Place product in the microwave. Close door."

Step 4 "When oven turns off, remove from package and enjoy!"

Step 3 & 4 are particularly important. It won't heat if you don't actually place it IN the microwave. Nor can you start it if you don't close the door, thus your cold sandwich will never really get hot. Finally, DO NOT attempt to eat it before you take it out of the wrapper. This is very crucial to the digestion process.

HA HA! Hope this makes your day too!

Julie & Jane's Shared Journey

I absolutely loved every member of our TN mission team. Many of them were here last year and this year we had 2 new guys. Johnny and I hit it off from the first second, mostly because he just got right in my business and believe me, he never let up. But he wasn't rude or obnoxious about it. I love that.

But I made a special connection this year with Jane. Dear, sweet, quiet but feisty Jane. It was in a simple off-handed comment that I learned she struggled for 10 years with infertility. This opened the door for the two of us to talk about many things that only the childless-but-desperately-wanting-a-child can understand. It was one of those surreal times when you think to yourself "aha, I am not alone. I am not a freak. Someone else understands." The happy ending for Jane is that eventually she and her husband did have a child, a son who just graduated from high school this past spring.

On the Thursday they were here I was holding the child of someone in the church. It didn't seem like much to me because I always do it. I love babies. I love kids. Jane walked up to me and said, "I just want you to know you are so special and gracious with children. I'm not sure I could do that." My eyes welled with tears.

That Friday before VBS we sat together in the very first row of the church and had a really candid conversation. I so appreciated what she had said the day before. I got to share with her the truth--frequently I'm not so gracious on the inside but because of the ministry position Steve and I are in, I have no other choice. I told her about the day in April as I decorated my home and made food for a baby shower. I dropped some of the confetti as I spread it on the table. It was super cute too...baby bottles, pacifiers, buggies, the works. I got down to pick it up and found myself sitting on the floor in the midst of it, tears pouring down my cheeks. I was completely unable to stop them so I just gave in and sat there weeping. It caught me so off guard I didn't know what else to do. That day there was no facade, just me and my raw emotions on the floor of my dining room.

Jane understood. Her eyes brimmed with tears (as did mine) and her nod of affirmation did wonders for this weary heart. God sent Jane to me again this year to minister to my soul as only someone with the same experience could do. I never dreamed until that day that I was ministering to her as well. I needed to know I'm not alone and even though her outcome is different than mine, our souls are knit together through this life experience.

That, my friends, is what it's all about--living transparent lives with each other so we can encourage and minister to those in the same circumstance.

Not Primarily Concerned With My Happiness

"My husband is not concerned with my happiness." I love saying that. It generally draws a laugh or at the very least, raises the eyebrows. Being the jokester I am, getting a laugh is frosting on the cake! Whenever I say it and the laughter subsides, Steve always says "I think that deserves an explanation, don't you?"

Truth be told, the more accurate rendition is this: my husband is not primarily concerned with my happiness. He would like for me to be happy but he is far more concerned with what is best for me and that I find joy and contentment in that. Happiness is circumstantial and we can't always be happy about everything but we can persevere and have joy in the midst of it.

Think about it this way....good parents don't give their children everything to make them happy. Even if a child gets everything they want, it will last for a moment, they are no longer happy, and they want the next thing that they they think will make them happy. This creates a cavernous hole that has to be filled with more and more stuff to satisfy. It becomes an addiction.

Steve makes decisions that I am not always thrilled with and a not-so-uncommon conversation in our house is this:

J: I'm really not so happy about that. As a matter of fact, I don't like it at all.

S: Sorry to hear that. But it's what is best and this is what we need to do.

And so we do it. Not that I don't have input but I almost always react out of an emotion whereas Steve simply does not. He assesses the situation and makes sound, solid, Godly decisions.

This is not that different than how God relates to his children. He is not primarily concerned with our happiness either but with what is best for us. Sometimes we get to be happy in the midst and sometimes not so much. I don't believe for a second that the apostles were happy about their persecution--their imprisonment, beatings, stonings--yet repeatedly we read in Acts that "they were filled with joy." Do you think Job was happy in his suffering? No, but in the end he praised God out of it. Was David happy when his child died? He was not. He mourned, he wept, he pleaded with God. And when it was over he got himself together and praised God, much to the dismay and confusion of those around him. Was Joseph happy when he was thrown in jail or falsely imprisoned? Hardly but he trusted that God had a plan and he did not lose hope.

God sees the big picture and we do not.

So, the bottom line is this.....Steve (you could insert God in here too) is not primarily concerned with my happiness and I'm cool with that. Finally. It's been an exhausting journey to be on but alas, I have made it. All in one piece too.

Delightfully Frightened

That's my latest phrase....delightfully frightened. It encompasses our current status so completely. So here's the big news. I quit one of my jobs on Friday. It isn't something I did in haste, disgust, or anger. I don't hate it (but didn't love it either), I'm not disappointed, it's just time. I've been praying about it. Here's why. It's been an entire year since I've had a day off and 18 months since I've had a week off. I just couldn't keep doing it. The last 6 weeks I've not felt very well and I've seen some signs in my health that are alarmingly similar to when I was first diagnosed with MD. If I don't take heed, I will be sorry.

Something had to go and this was it. I know without a doubt I'm supposed to work at the church, I know I'm supposed to "work" for Steve in his ministry (in quotes because it is really work but no pay), and I know I'm supposed to keep up my household duties. To be honest, this job was just a paycheck and we've really needed it but it's the only thing I knew could go. So how do I plan to make it?

I have no earthly idea. Not a one. But stranger than that, I'm okay with it (those who know me well probably just fell over so I'm sorry for the injury). Delightfully frightened is how I described it to one friend. This means we will start each month in need of a particular amount and we are totally trusting God to come through. The reason I know it will work is because we are doing exactly what God wants us to do and in so doing, He obligates Himself to meet our needs. Obviously the key word is needs.

Let the season of miraculous provision begin!

Steps of Faith and VBS Thoughts

Next week I'll be taking a huge step of faith. I can't tell what it is until then because there's an order to who needs to know when and if I don't follow it I won't be dealing fairly with others.

But, second only to going into full time ministry, this is the biggest step of faith I have ever taken. I will be handing control of this thing over to God and quite honestly I am fairly frightened. Excited but frightened. More next week.

Last week we had VBS in Laurel and we were blown away with what God did out there. On the high day we had 95, our overall average attendance was 85, but total we had 115 different kids. WOW! Better than all that, however, is that 4 kids gave their hearts to Christ. It doesn't get better than that.

Last year our high was 50 kids so we were utterly amazed at what God did. He blew our expectations out of the water. But that's His specialty, right? And don't even get me started on the msision team. We so love them and they look forward to coming each year. They're already planning on next week.

We worked them really hard this year and they didn't complain once. They said they were privileged to do landscaping, building projects, and visit people in the community on our behalf. They represented themselves, their home church, our church and most importantly their Savior well. It's no wonder they were so refreshing to our souls at a time when we so desperately needed encouragement.

It's been a tough year, that's certain but in looking back, God has been faithful and there are evidences of that throughout this season.

Compulsive Shopping Tendencies?

I seriously think I have compulsive shopping tendencies. There are few things that make me feel as giddy or happy when I'm blue than to buy something. And it seems like the less money I have to spend, the more money I want to spend. No, I need to spend. I totally don't get it.

The other day as I drove home from work, the car drove on auto-pilot, stopping in the parking lot of Pier 1. I've been on the hunt for new canisters for the kitchen. I absolutely do not need them. There is nothing wrong with the ones I have. I'm just tired of them. I've been trying to talk myself out of buying them for a month now (this is huge progress for me). But this week I was mesmerized by the possibility of buying them and taking them home. There was only one left of the model I liked a lot. But I need 2. I currently have 4 of varying sizes but want to have just 2 of the same size. So I picked up my second choice which obviously had 2 available. I carried them throughout the store for 10 minutes finding other things to buy as well. It's like I couldn't stop. I kept telling myself, "you deserve them. You've thought about it long enough and waited. You work hard. Do it!" But then I countered myself with, "you don't need them. You have very real needs but this isn't it. STOP it."

But I couldn't. I was seriously tormented over it in my mind. I HAD to have them. As I fought myself in my brain, sense finally won out but not because I no longer wanted to purchase something. I finally decided if i was going to buy them, they should be the exact ones I wanted and not a second choice. I put them back and bolted out of the store while common sense reigned.

No, I'm not done searching for them yet and when I find what I want, I am so going to get them. This is the very reason I gave up shopping for 6 weeks a couple of years ago when I did the Daniel study. I was WAY WORSE before that but I could also afford it more easily then.

Yep, compulsive shopping tendencies is what I think. It's not my only compulsive behavior. Don't even get me started on multi-faceted light switches. I don't even know if that's the right term but it's the ones that have 2 or more grouped together. We have several in our house that operate the same set of lights. I cannot sleep if they are up and down together. Steve does it just to drive me crazy. I'm certain of it.

Sincerely Sorry

Earlier this week I had an almost conflict with my aunt. Almost? What the heck is that...well, let me explain. We're both on Facebook and one of the downsides of electronic communications and sharing is that it's hard to know a tone or expression in any particular statement. I think it's a generational thing because while I understand this, she really does not. I should have thought the whole process through first but in my little world, Facebook is just a light and fun little thing to do. I'm frequently a jokester on it. Obviously she had no way of knowing that.

So, she posted what was on her mind and truly, it was very sweet. An attempt to honor and bless her kids. What she was saying was also on target scripturally which is very important to her (and me). I responded to it, not in a belittling or rude way, but with a hint of humor. She didn't take it that way and responded back. Then me. Then her. By this time I realized something was a little off kilter and decided I'd better call her right away. In the meantime my cousin (her daughter) sent me a message kind of like this:

"Hey Jules, I don't mean to butt in but I need to tell you that I don't think mom understands you were being funny. I do and I tried to explain it to her but I just wanted you to know."

The first thing I picked up from that message is that my aunt was upset enough about it to call and talk to her daughter. I immediately called my cousin to let her know I appreciated her "butting in" and would be alarmed if she saw a train wreck coming and did nothing about it. I think it's a generational sin to be easily offended and S-L-O-W to forgive (if at all). I let her know I had already planned to call her momma and she was so relieved.

I finally got a hold of auntie and first explained how I view Facebook. Then I said this:

"You tried to honor and bless your children and my comment to your post was inappropriate. I never meant to hurt you but clearly I did. I'm asking you to forgive me."

She began to cry and my heart just broke. She said:

"Thank you for saying that." I just waited a minute on the phone and finally she said "maybe I just shouldn't do this Facebook thing. I guess I don't understand it."

I asked her not to stop on account of my insensitivity and walked her through how to remove the comments which she promptly did when we hung up. The thing is we're not only related but we're sisters in Christ too and this could have been a way for satan to effectually destroy two witnesses.

The lesson in all this for me is that I need to think through what I post and whether the person is ready for something like that and also to just STOP for a minute! What I am so grateful for is the progress God and I have had on this. Not too many years ago I would have just told myself that she need not be so easily offended and she'd just have to get over it. I never would have initiated a call and apologize for it? Hardly! As I said, it's something many of us struggle with but for me, I need to break the cycle in my life.

All in all, it's good stuff.

Remembering the Birth of a Great Nation

Happy Birthday America!

Anyone who studies the founders of our great country can't help but conclude they were great men of God. At a minimum they had righteous, social consciences. In many of their quotes they warn that turning from the precepts of God will result in the ruination of any country. We need not look further than our own cities to see this is true.

In spite of all that, I am an extreme optimist when it comes to patriotism. I am easily moved to tears by the thoughts of the thousands dead fighting for our freedom--and the freedom of other oppressed people groups. The vast majority of these individuals willingly give their lives for their country, for our country.

Nathan Hale put it this way: "I regret that I have but only life to give to my country."

I'm sure many of our brave dead would have said the same thing. I know Steve would say that. For him to give his life for his country would have been a great honor. He told me so the month before he went to Iraq.

I know I've posted this one before but it continues to be so fitting as many Americans choose comfort and socialist tendencies over the tough stuff that breeds liberty and freedom:

"If we restrict liberty to attain security we will lose them both. Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a littlel security will deserve neither and lose both. He who gives up freedom for safety deserve neither." ~ Benjamin Franklin

God help us!

All this reminds me of another who willingly gave his life for the freedom of all who come to him in repentance and forgiveness. While I reflect on the great freedoms I enjoy every day (usually without really thinking about them), I am reminded that true freedom comes only through Christ. It is the freedom granted even in countries without the freedoms I am blessed to have.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand fir, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. ~ Galatians 5:1

"...He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..." ~ Isaiah 61:1

Freedom & Liberty Quotes

From Noah Webster:

The principles of genuine liberty, and of wise laws and administrations, are to be drawn from the Bible and sustained by its authority. The man, therefore, who weakens or destroys the divine authority of that Book may be accessory to all the public disorders which society is doomed to suffer.

From Abraham Lincoln:

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

From Alan Keyes:

Freedom is not an unlimited license, an unlimited choice, or an unlimited opportunity. Freedom is first of all a responsibility before the God from whom we come.

From John F. Kennedy:

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

Acting Like A Sinner

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about behavior in the church. It must be a providential thought process because 2 in-the-kn0w people have been in my path as I did so. The first is a pastor (no, I'm not married to him) who was recently all but devoured in his church. The second is an evangelist / teacher / speaker who started his own ministry 10 years ago. We drove him up to youth camp yesterday.

Both of these guys echoed something that has long been my feeling. Those in the church should treat people better than the lost world does. Frequently that isn't the case. No wonder people aren't interested in God or more specificially Jesus. Why would they be?

The pastor said something I have thought about over and over. He said, "you know, I'd rather hang around lost people because I have no expectation that they act a certain way or treat me well. They act like sinners." Ah, exactly....he further said, "when I go to church I expect people to act like they've received a life-changing Savior that makes them loving and kind." It's not that he doesn't expect them to continue to sin--of course they will. We all do. But overall their hearts should be different. They shouldn't enjoy hurting others nor should they go out of their way to do so.

My heart agonized with this man not only because I totally understand and can relate to his hurt but also because we grew up together in the church so I've known him a long time. He didn't deserve to be treated so poorly. And his sweet wife didn't deserve to watch it and be part of it by virtue of their marriage. It's got to be only by the strength of God they continue in ministry.

What I'm coming to understand is in church life is something I long understood in business life. When I had 22 employees I learned never to walk in expecting something but to train them how I wanted the department to run and be pleasantly surprised when they actually did what I paid them to do.

And so it is with the church. I can't expect people to act a certain way. I am not their Holy Spirit. Not that I shouldn't hold them to a higher standard but it's a process of teaching & training them what that standard is and let God go from there. I don't want to be cynical but it's hard not to be when I see people around me claiming to be a Christ-follower and then turning around and acting like someone who doesn't know Christ. I'd rather they keep their profession to themselves so the rest of us have a chance of showing the love a Christ to a world that desperately needs him.

Anniversary Top Ten

Here's the top 10 things I love about Steve on our 21st anniversary:

10. He encourages me to stretch and grow--not to settle for what's comfortable and easy.

9. He is gentle. No, this is not a weakness. Strength under control is one way I've heard it said and that's about right.

8. He speaks after thinking. He chooses his words carefully and doesn't waste them. I could learn a lesson here. Maybe there's still hope. I think I'm getting better.

7. He is consistent. He doesn't vary from raging lunatic to hopeless romantic. One of us does, but it's not him.

6. He puts up with me, even when it makes no sense (this probably goes with #2 below).

5. He is a warrior and patriot.

4. He is incredibly handsome. Still makes my heart pitter-patter.

3. He is unbelievably funny. God knew I would need this in a husband.

2. He loves me as Christ loves the church.

1. He is a child of God and puts that relationship first. Yes, even before me--just as it should be.

I realized just now how hard it is to put these in order of most importance. While #1 and #2 are set, the other 8 could be in any order.

Happy Anniversary Blondie. I love you madly. The adventures we've had have been wild and I wouldn't want to ride this train with anyone else. I'd choose you all over again.

Encouragement in Little Things

This past Sunday I was in my usual post running computer media. About 3 minutes into his sermon, Steve's microphone began to crackle and within a couple of minutes it became very clear it wasn't going to stop. I looked over the crowd and wondered if anyone was going to go back and check the sound board. Our usual sound guy was out but surely someone could try something, right? Nope. I was fairly disgusted.

I really didn't want to get up and parade myself in front of the entire place but clearly it had to be done. So I got up. Flip-flop-flip-flop-flip-flop....all the way to the back (can you guess the kind of shoes I had on?). I could feel the eyes on me as I went but forced myself to look straight ahead, mostly so they wouldn't catch me giving them "the look". I don't know much about the sound stuff, most obvious because I just called it "stuff", but I tried what I did know and nothing worked. The problem grew worse but Steve kept going. That's what good Marines do. They don't stop and dance around, they just plow through, focused on the mission. While concentrating on what I was doing I could hear him vaguely in the back of my mind and knew the scripture I had up there was no longer what he was on. But I couldn't run back and forth and do it all so I put it out of my mind and kept going.

Finally, I grabbed a battery from the box, desperately hoping it was the microphone battery in the pack he had on. I walked back up to the front, seriously having considered removing my shoes first but decided it would look silly to carry them as I went. Flip-flop-flip-flop-flip-flop....all the way to the front where I laid a battery on the platform. I was so concerned with making as little spectacle of myself as possible I hadn't even noticed Christina (she and her husband are currently leading worship) had hopped up to my post and was keeping in line with Steve on the sermon points and scriptures.

I was then incredibly jazzed. I just backed up to the first row, sat down, grabbed her Bible and enjoyed being able to sit and listen to a sermon. It may sound silly but it was such an encouraging sign that someone saw a need, jumped in without being asked, and finished the job. Yes, progress is being made.

"It's the little things," I tell myself, "the little things."

(As an aside, it WAS the battery. He replaced it, making a joke about the greatness of technology as he did so and we were set.)

Steve's Got A Lot To Say

Now there's a statement I don't say frequently, or even hear frequently.

Steve has committed to writing a post on his blog every day until October 4th. The reason? Our 120 day journey through Acts as a church prior to our Grand Opening on....guess what day? That's right - October 4th!

We've got it in the bulletin for this Sunday and will be encouraging people to take a look at what their Pastor has to say and share their own thoughts. For this week, though, it's just been Steve and I because we need to give them the link.

Whether you're part of EBC Laurel or would just like to participate with us, I invite you to do so. Steve lists the passage that is in the journals we handed out so even if you don't have one, you still know what he's referring to.

Posting daily will be quite a challenge for him because he's got so much to do but he really feels in can be valuable whether or not people want to post their own thoughts.

So, if you get an occasional chance, please join us!

Can You Say That in Church?

Yesterday I taught Steve's SS class because we had another teacher out and he took that class. It's really not my preference to teach a mixed class for a number of reasons. I do really love teaching women though.

We're studying the life of Jesus and were on the transfiguration yesterday. I began with a short "match the statistic to the statement" game about plastic surgery and then posed this question:

Me: "Why are people so willing to spend so much money on cosmetic surgery procedures?"

I waited for a few seconds before this response came:

TC: "Because they're ugly."

Everyone around the table erupted in laughter. It was so unexpected and well, just blatant. It could have been worded better, such as they THINK they are ugly or the world makes them FEEL like they don't measure up but the statement is still true.

In the end though, it goes under the "never thought I'd hear that in church" category. I'm developing quite a list.

The Downside of Texting

The other morning Peter and I were texting back and forth about the movie that night when he texted something to the effect of "btw, on the PS2 you gave me, I can't watch a movie. Any suggestions?"

So, I assumed it was the batteries and in the ensuing conversation we both got so lost. This isn't verbatim but it was something like:

J: What? I don't understand?

P: Me either.

J: HA HA HA HA HA

P: HA for what?

J: You don't understand your own text.

P: No.

J: No what? That's why I was laughing. You don't understand your own text so I asked you to explain it but you can't.

P: Ok?

J: Nevermind, we'll talk about it in person.

Whew. Sometimes dialing is so worth it! But Peter loves to text and he'll go on for 30 minutes when it could have been a 5 minute conversation.

An Update and a Journey Through Acts

Over the last few months our pastors have been in deep prayer over our mission church in Laurel. Don't get me wrong--they are always in prayer over both our mission churches but for one of them they were trying to determine a new vision and strategy. The reasons are numerous.

But the end result is this...Calvary is now Emmanuel Baptist Church - Laurel Campus; a satellite of EBC in Billings.

The grand opening is set for October 4, 2009. Between now and then we've got a lot of work to do!

In the meantime, Steve put together a Laurel Campus Team Journal and as a church we are taking a 120-day journey through the book of Acts. Additionally he's preaching each week during this time on "The Church Afire". Sunday's sermon was pretty amazing.

I'm dual tracking the journey through Acts because I want to participate corporately in developing unity but I am also on a really big personal journey. It's intensely private right now but there's more than one reason I took a season off from teaching Bible study. Hopefully by the time I resume in the fall, God and I will have wrestled this thing out. I also hope I don't end up like Jacob and limp the rest of my life from my wrestling match with the Almighty.

So, in yesterday's reading I read the portion about what happened to Judas and two things jumped off the pages at me.

First, Judas shared in the ministry of Christ but clearly he was not one of them. Jesus knew this yet he treated him the same as the others. How as a church are we to treat someone we know is not one with us? I'm really mulling this over. There is such a probability of division if handled improperly. The other disciples treated him as one of them but they didn't know he wasn't. But if you know, what then?

Second, in verse 20 of chapter one it says "may another take his place of leadership." If God has something for us--either an individual church body, an individual, a family, or whatever--and we don't step up to do what he's' asked, he will appoint someone else to do it. And we'll miss out. That certainly happened to Judas. He stepped back, someone else stepped up, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I think this will be an exciting journey. I hope to share my personal track on this eventually but not now. It's too painful, too raw.

Remembering D-Day

I was particularly moved by this public radio address & prayer given by President Franklin Roosevelt on June 6, 1944. It makes my heart heavy that we could never do this today.

With gratitude for our all our freedoms, particularly our spiritual ones.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Today I was leaving my morning job, headed home for a quick lunch before my afternoon job. I noticed a little dog, about the size of Jake, maybe a bit bigger, walking int he middle of the street. A busy one at that.

So, I decided to be a good Samaritan and see where he belonged because I could see he had an identification tag on. Plus I'd like to think someone would help my dog if he got away. I pulled over to the curb, called him (or her - couldn't tell) over and then stooped down with my hand out as he approached so he could sniff me. Instead, he bit me. Man, I wanted to kick him clear across the street and might have except for the witnesses driving by. I no longer cared if he got run over. I was MAD! I saw another guy stop and thought perhaps it was his dog so I rolled down my window and asked if it was so I could find out if he was current on his rabies shot. The guy wasn't the owner.

I got home, called animal control, and asked that they go pick him up, find out of he'd had his rabies shot and then call me back. Man did that ever start a chain of events.

As I drove to work they called to say they'd picked up the dog and had a picture. They wanted me to i.d. the thing. It was all I could not to laugh. They met me at work and sure enough, it was the very dog that bit me. Then they took a picture of my hand. I guess when there is a report of a dog bite they have to do this because the county is under a rabies quarantine, whatever that means.

He asked if I wanted to file a bite report and I said no, I just wanted to make sure he'd had his rabies so I didn't have to seek medical attention (he did). The guy told me he knew exactly where this dog went because he'd picked him up before. I hope they fine the owners BIG since they obviously know the dog has this propensity.

Then he told me to keep an eye on the bite, seek medical attention if it worsens and then to call them back if I do. I'll tell you this, I don't foresee myself stopping to help another dog any time soon. And if I see this little one, he'd better watch out. I might just bite him back.

Much Talking, Little Thinking

I drove by a sign several times today that is now embedded in my brain. I had to drive by it so many times because I had to take my car to the mechanic, then pick it up, and then go to work, all on the same street.

Anyway, here's what it said:

When there is too much talking, it usually follows too little thinking.

I have a great example of what NOT to do in Steve. I had it in my dad too. These 2 favorite men in my world totally figured out when to speak, when to be quiet, and have always carefully chosen their words. Apparently the example has been observed but hasn't yet translated into my practicing it!

I was reminded of several stories Steve told me over the course of his 11 years as a deputy. People, particularly guilty ones, just can't seem to keep their mouths shut. They are totally uncomfortable with silence so all he'd have to do is start them talking and without fail, they'd contradict themselves or talk such nonsense it was obvious they were guilty.

In all of this thinking I recalled Proverbs 10:19:

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue his wise.

So, too much talking doesn't just reveal too little thinking, it's actually the spawn of sin. I can definitely be better at this one.

Things You Should Know About Your Pastor's Wife

In no particular order of importance, here's a few universal things you should know about your pastor's wife:

1. She has given her life to God and to service. She loves her Savior.
2. If God has called her husband to ministry, He has also called her. Different roles but she is in ministry because she loves God and wants to serve Him, not because of some martyrdom duty to her husband.
3. When you cut her, she bleeds. She is not invincible.
4. When you are cruel to her husband, she immediately moves to protective mode. As hard as she tries not to take it personally, many times that's an impossibility.
5. She will fail you, disappoint you, or not meet your expectation(s). Maybe all three. It's not that she wants to or intends to, but like you, she is human. No perfect people allowed.
6. She needs and wants friends. Her avenue to make friends is not the same as yours and in some ways she must guard what God has entrusted to her. But she needs some girls.
7. She's been given huge responsibility and is accountable for much.
8. She is tired. Really tired.
9. The spiritual warfare directed at her is unbelievable. It's on a level all its own. She needs encouragement and love....but mostly, prayer.
10. She needs a day off once in a while.

Memorial Day & Mom's Birthday

Originally set aside as a day to honor the fallen soldiers, Memorial Day has become a day where all dead are honored and to an even greater degree, just a day off work or a weekend to get away. What a shame. That's not to say we shouldn't have proper respect for all who have died because all life is a gift from God just not on this day we call Memorial Day.

So to those soldiers who didn't just lay down their lives but died fighting valiantly to protect our freedoms and liberties, I am eternally grateful. I adore our military but today I am focused on those who gave the last full measure for those of their generation and the generations to come. Our country owes you a debt that cannot be repaid you.

In an entirely different vein, today is my momma's birthday. At her request we combined the celebration with Mother's Day but I can't let the date pass without acknowledging her.

This picture was taken at the National Cemetery in Little Bighorn Battlefield.

Imagine This

My facebook thought for the day was this: Victory eludes me. It's exhausting.

Imagine being stuck in your own head over something for close to 18 years. No matter what you do it doesn't change. No matter how you plead with God, nothing happens. Everyone around you gets victory, yet there you are with no end in sight.

You're being obedient, following what God wants you to do and sacrificing. And victory remains a mystery.

It's exhausting, defeating, and utterly frustrating. Despair comes to my mind.

A Morning at Home

I'm spending this morning at home. I wish it could be all day but if I don't work this afternoon, I don't get paid. Minor details, right? Plus, I committed to work extra this week to cover because of a training class so it would be rude not to show up.

Anyway, I so love being at home. There's a zillion things I can do (and should be doing instead of this), I never get bored, and I'm just at peace. That's what I looked at in my bible study this morning--being at peace--so it's fresh on my mind.

I definitely need the respite sometimes from the neediness in the world around me. I often wish I could barricade myself inside and stay for a llloooonnnnggg time. But what good is that for the kingdom?

In our Sunday school lesson this week Steve talked about Christians being salt and light in the world. How can I do that if I hole up in my house and do only the things that make me happy and contented? I can't.

So I'm called to go out, even as soon as this afternoon. But for now, I'll bask in my morning of rest and solitude. My soul needs it so badly.

A Difficult Season

Steve and I are going through one of the most difficult seasons of our entire lives...and definitely the most difficult ministry season.

I've been mystified the past month at how people who claim Christ as Savior can consistently be cruel, spiteful, and knowingly, willingly spread lies. Is there no conviction? Is there not even a shred of human decency?

Tonight as I spoke to a friend she said, "you can be comforted in knowing that you & Steve are obviously doing something right. If you weren't, satan wouldn't be trying so hard to bring you down."

It was so encouraging. It's really true but easy to forget when in the midst of a barrage of such tactics. As I basked in this good advice, she went on to say "wow, that was REALLY good advice!" I casually commented, "you are so proud of yourself, aren't you?" She was. She truly was.

She should be. I'm so grateful she called. We'll certainly persevere and keep doing what God wants us to do. We're surrounded by people who love us, pray for us, and tell us to keep going. Not only that, but they go along with us.

It's just so hard. Ministry isn't for the weak-hearted, that's for sure.

I'm on Facebook!

For the past year or so I've been getting invitation after invitation to join Facebook but I just never took the time. Quite frankly, having a blog is sometimes consuming enough.

But, with this last request I decided to just go ahead and try it out. Hopefully the set up is the most daunting and time consuming otherwise it just won't last.

Anyway, there it is if you're interested...

A New Look

I have been wanting a new look to my blog for quite a while and today's the day. I was reading my cousin's blog and she had changed hers using a free website to do it. I clicked through and then sat here looking at page after page. After 30 minutes of staring at different options and liking a ton of them, I just decided to pick one and get on with it.

So I did. And I love it!

Is Dill Weed Funny?

Are there words that just seem funny to your ears? Apparently I speak quite a few words and phrases that sound funny to others. For example, I've been told "ding dong" is a hilarious thing to call someone. I do it a lot. It's better than other things I could say.

It's also been brought to my attention that "jockey box" is a very strange Montana thing. For those not familiar with jockey box lingo, it's the small box in the car on the passenger side. Most people call it a glove compartment. We had this conversation with some friends a few weeks ago because while she is from here originally, he is not. You know what she calls it. He asked what I called "that box in the front of the car." When I told him he erupted in laughter, telling us there has never been, nor will there ever be a jockey in that box. I think I may plant a pair of men's underwear in the jockey box of his truck to prove him wrong. It'll be worth the $6.

We were talking about this the other day and I shared something I'd never told to anyone outside my home. When I go to the spice cabinet to get what I need for any particular recipe, I always end up moving them around to find what I'm looking for. Every time I see the spice jar marked "dill weed" I fall into a fit of laughter. It's more than I can bear.

I find something incredibly hysterical about "dill weed". I don't know why. Does anyone else think that's funny?

What others have you got?

Funeral Funnies

Remember a couple of days when I mentioned I'd post a couple more funny things from the process of making funeral arrangements for my dad? Well, here goes. Thanks for waiting:)

The entire family squeezed into the office of a gentleman at the funeral home. I'm sure as we exited it appeared like a bunch of clowns coming out of a VW bug. We just kept coming out and coming out. Where'd we all fit? I don't know, but we did. Anyway, he was very gracious, allowing all 12 of us in there.

I'd spent some time looking through one of my dad's Bibles and found a couple of verses that seemed to mean a lot to him. After showing them to my mom and asking for her input, we decided to have Philippians 4:13, 19 in the program (I think that's what it's called). Anyway, as I read them aloud, here's how it went...FD is the funeral director:

J: "We have a scripture we've chosen for the inside."

FD: "Go ahead."

I proceeded to read the verses. I looked up to find FD staring at me. All I could do is look back.

FD: "What book are you reading from?"

I stared at him in disbelief. While it was only a few seconds, my mind swarmed with thoughts like "what's up with this guy? Hasn't he ever done a funeral before? Hasn't anyone ever requested a verse before? Is he for real? Is he insane?"

Rather than ask any of those questions, I very slowly said a half answer / question:

J: The bible.?!?.

Everyone erupted in laughter, except me of course. I totally didn't get it. All of a sudden my mother reached over, placed her hands across the Bible to flatten it and said "Philippians." Oh, that's what he wanted. He should have been a little more clear in his question. He seemed very grateful mom was there to ease his pain.

As if that weren't enough, I found myself with my foot in my mouth again, just a few short minutes later. Before we left the house that morning, my mom took me to the side, placed a picture in my hand and said she wanted that on the front of the program.

We sat in that office looking through books with pages of options for the front of the program. I had already told the FD that we had a picture we wanted to use and he did not mention one time that blank ones were available. So as we flipped pages, not a single one was blank. Nor did any of them have just a small border or something that would allow for the picture mom had chosen to be on the front. And the picture would have made dad proud--it was him with the grandbabies. I sat there knowing I had that picture my mom had her heart set on and not seeing any way to make it happen. I just couldn't accept that.

Finally, it caught my eye. There on the 5th or 6th page was a program front with a picture centered in the middle. I thought, "hey, maybe we can use that one and just replace the picture." It was an artist's rendition of Jesus. Don't even get me started on pictures of Jesus. Let's just say I'm not a fan and leave it at that. I sheepishly looked up, knowing I was requesting something that probably wasn't allowed but absolutely knowing I had to grasp any straw. I pointed at the picture and completely serious I asked:

J: "Can we use this one and replace Jesus with my dad?"

Everyone erupted in laughter again. I stammered trying to make them understand what I meant. Of course I didn't mean Jesus was replaceable, it was just that, well, you know...Finally my older brother said:

E: "Man, Julie, dad was good, but come on!"

They all laughed, again at my expense, and the FD said, "oh, we have blank ones if you want to use your own picture." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Why in the world didn't he say that when I told him mom had chosen a personal picture? It was good for a laugh anyway. And we needed as many as we could get. As an aside, here's the front of the program (I cut out the name for obvious reasons).

I'm sure you'll be so excited to know I made it through this entire post tear-free. Yep, as my dad promised, the good memories are beginning to overshadow the sorrow and grief.

A Call To Run

I can't believe I had never heard of this YouTube video until today. There was more than one version but I liked this one best.

My friend Lindsay recommended I watch it and I am shaken to the core by the message because it's 100% true. It fits in so well with my Sunday musings. I had goosebumps as I watched. It's a portion of a sermon given in Times Square Church in Manhattan the Sunday after the 9/11 attacks. It's 5 minutes long. Please take the time to watch it.

Thank you Lindsay!

"Run" by Carter Conlon.

Some Deep Questions On a Sunday

So, here's an interesting question to ponder. It came up today while we were processing church deposits.

I casually asked my fellow counting girls, "how many people do you think would continue to give to churches and charities if there were no tax breaks for it?" We briefly talked about how it soon be apparent who gives for the right reasons.

Then Lindsay wondered aloud how many people would attend church if it were illegal.

I've been thinking about those questions since this afternoon. It's easy to immediately exclaim, "oh, I would. I know it. No doubt." I'm 100% confident in the first scenario. I don't give because of a tax break. But the second one is bothering me a bit. While I sincerely hope I would be bold and not intimated by such tactics, I really wonder, "what if I had to go to jail in order to go to church? What if I'd get home, cars, or family taken away as a result?"

Prior to all that, while we drove home from church, Steve and I talked about true heroes of the faith. And while many parts of the world suffer as much as the early church did, we have to admit that most of us as Christians are fairly soft. If we were to be flogged or whipped for the cause of Christ, would we still be followers? What is the outer limit of our devotion? After listening to complaints about anything and everything outside of personal preferences, I think most people would be "closet Christians" if faced with anything truly and physically painful. It's too hot or too cold, the seating uncomfortable, the music not what we like, the sermon is too long, too short, and the list is endless.

Any thoughts? I would so love to hear them, even if you'd rather not comment here. You can email me.