Patriotic Week Begins

I thought it appropriate to begin this week of patriotism with a few quotes from our first president. Our founding fathers, even those who were not confirmed believers, had such a love for freedom and recognized its connection with God and scriptures. My heart aches at the distance we have put between them and us. All quotes below are attributed to George Washington.

"It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible."

"Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."

And with the recent Supreme Court rulings on the intent of the Second Amendment, I propose they had to look no further than George Washington's words to understand the intent.

"Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples' liberty's teeth."

"The very atmosphere of firearms anywhere and everywhere restrains evil interference - they deserve a place of honor with all that's good."

Zoo Fun

On Wednesday Peter and I went to the zoo for our fun afternoon. I adore that boy. He is so unbelievably funny, incredibly bright and an absolute joy to be around. He talked my leg off which is not an easy thing to do -- you know, since I have tree trunk legs.

It's amazing how much you can learn about a person when you're just walking around a zoo, driving for a hot-n-tot (cinnamon coke), or just sitting on a park bench. It was a great way to start our summer adventures.

But, oh, was it hot!

Meerkats = Small Groups?

Last night on the news I saw the strangest story. Apparently there is a show called Merrkat Manor on The Animal Planet which is a huge hit. I don't personally know because we have neither cable nor satellite and before you think we're freaks, yes, we want it that way.

From what I gather, this self-acclaimed reality show follows a family of meerkats through their every day existence. I admit from the clips I saw, they are pretty darn cute too. But here is the part that got me....ready?

People are so enthralled with this show they have meerkat parties, they dress up, they celebrate this family of critters that march across their screen each week. There was even mourning when the lead female met her demise at the bite of a snake. Initially I laughed at how ludicrous this is. Then I was saddened. These individuals have a deep desire for community and they find it through television. What does that say about their lives?

The truth is, we all have the desire to be part of a group of people with shared interest, acceptance, love, and purpose. This is the entire premise of a "holistic small group". Basically a group that loves and cares about its members, that encourages and edifies them, that walks through the dark times with each other, facilitates growth in Christ, and reaches others for Christ.

As demonstrated in this bizarre television-land-way, people really long for this. They may not always know what exactly that desire is, but it's definitely there, and it's the job of churches to make it clear and point people that way.

This is why Steve and I are so passionate about small groups. When done right, they are amazing! Yes, there is room for hurt and conflict, but in the proper environment, these issues are dealt with and deep, meaningful, lasting relationships are made. We grow as disciples and we have a tool to reach our families, friends, and neighbors with the gospel.

And if we're to be like Christ, then a small group should be on the checklist. He led a small group - remember them? The 12 disciples?

20 Years

My morning started with breakfast on the patio. French toast bake and bacon. Begging dogs - such sad faces staring up at us. And gifts. I've already posted about how I love to get presents so you know I think it was a great way to start the day!

So, why all the fuss? Why even mention it?

Because it was 20 years ago today, specifically at 7 pm tonight, that Steve and I said our "I do's". I can't even believe that is remotely possible but I promise it's true! It was a gazillion degrees that day--you remember when Yellowstone burned? That was the year! Okay, so I just looked up the historical data and the official high was 98 but I swear it was 157. Those early months of hot weather kind of prepared me for my first summer in Phoenix, if it's possible to be prepared for something like that.

Anyway, I look back now and realize we were just kids. Not even out of high school long enough to know what life was about. Between the two of us, it was really Steve who was wise. I was completely clueless. Sometimes I think things haven't changed all that much.....

To me, Steve is an every day picture of God's grace and mercy. I deserve neither of those, or Steve, and yet I have them all. To say we've been through just about everything is the absolute truth. So much happiness, so much joy, so much heartache and loss too.

Happy Anniversary Blondie. There's no other who knows me so well yet chooses to love me anyway. I don't know why you do, but am so glad you do. I do back.

Broken Heart

Imagine one of the worst things you think about yourself. Something that drains the life out of you. Causes you to shrivel up inside.

Then imagine someone actually saying it to you. It's confirmation that the thing you think is true about yourself really is true. It's not just in your head -- other people see it, think it, and worst of all, say it.

That happened to me Friday afternoon. It took all the wind out of my sails. It devastated me.

It broke my heart. I got home, lay down on my bed, and wept into the pillow. Life stinks sometimes.

Not Good Enough to Mess up God!

Bible study was really amazing last night...until we finished the video and it was my turn to step up as leader / teacher. Don't get me wrong -- I was completely prepared. The problem was in my sudden lack of ability to speak properly.

Since we're studying pilgrimage and the Psalms of Ascent, it was fitting to begin our discussion time by having everyone share a place they want to visit someday. I got to the last woman whose name is Val. Out of my mouth pops "Vail" and as if that weren't bad enough, I used 2 syllables and out popped this southern accent. I thought to myself "What the heck?!?" What, was I retrieving my short stint in the south? The other day I said fixin' as in "I'm fixin' to do something." Everyone laughed.....and laughed some more. UGH.

Then it was my turn to share and I said "Bora Bora". One of the ladies asked where that was. I said "Tahita". What?!?! Tahita? Of course I know it's Tahiti. Again, much laughter. What was next - yeller (as in yellow)? Montaner (some people say Montana that way)?

But the worst was yet to come. We finished out discussion time on physical pilgrimage and I turned to our spiritual pilgrimages. What would they pack? Be creative, it doesn't have to fit in a suitcase! Finally one person said "other people". Very good. Exactly where I wanted to go. We moved on to some practical things we can do or use on our journey. We turned to Philippians 3. In verse 17 Paul told the Philippians to follow his example (see, taking people along). I paused and told the women it was important for them to have someone in their life who is more spiritually mature than they are. This is all great stuff, right out of scripture. But then I added "it shouldn't be hard for any one of you to find someone more spiritually mature than you are." There it was.

I didn't intend to call them spiritual babies but as soon as I finished my sentence, that is sure how it sounded to my own ears. I could tell I was really red because the heat from my face started to melt the amplifiers on the stage. Even as I stammered out "no, no, no girls! I didn't mean it that way!" they busted a gut laughing. I was horrified but they did allow me to interpret for myself. They went on to understand completely what I was saying.

The truth is, when you talk as much as I do, you're bound to stick your foot in your mouth a lot. What really matters is what I do right after that. Do I just pretend it didn't happen? Or do I acknowledge it and do my best to plow through? It's probably a bad idea to ignore it. In this case I would have insulted 11 women...and some would never have gotten past it. Some still might not but at least I can walk away knowing I did everything possible to make it right.

The funny things is, I am always nervous when I lead Bible study. I posted about this a few weeks back. The rest of story is that in the video session, Beth Moore went on to say she had a friend who told her "you're not good enough to mess God up!" Given my performance last night, all I can say is AMEN and AMEN! As an aside, it's hard to believe someone like Beth Moore gets nervous before she speaks isn't it? What a strange way for me to be comforted, yet I am.

Similar Struggles

I think we all have at least 1 thing in our lives we need to be aware of because of the likelihood for spiritual attack and struggle. For a long time I've thought every single one was different and while that may be true of the subject matter, the concept is the same. And in the end we need to be on constant watch because it's that one area (or one of a few) that always causes us to stumble, is an Achilles heel for Satan, and because of the emotions involved, can throw us into a pit faster than we realize.

It could be a myriad of things but I think for most women it takes the form of marriage, babies, self-image, or jealousy. Intellectually I know it is a lack of contentment for where God has me at any given stage. But that certainly doesn't make it any easier. For example, I have a friend who desperately wants to be married. God hasn't brought that guy into her life yet. Frequently this torments her. Conversely, I have a friend who would love a house but for now, God has them in an apartment. And she's okay with it. She has said "when God wants me to have a house, He'll take me to it." Now that's contentment!

For me, lately, it's all about babies again. I love babies. I love kids (most of 'em anyway). Everyone around me is having a baby, or trying to, and this will never be my reality. I've been invited to a gazillion showers but thankfully, I have had conflicting plans during most of them and haven't been obligated to go. It's not that I don't want to -- truly, I usually do want to go because I am happy for the mom and of course, not much is better than having the privilege of holding a newborn close and tight. It's amazing.

But, all that said, I would rather poke my ears with a fork than listen to a bunch of women talk about the wonderful experiences associated with pregnancy, with hearing the baby cry for the first time, and on, and on, and on. I certainly don't expect people to walk on egg shells around me -they are deservedly happy. But there will always be that one callous woman who says things like "well, not that you would know, but..." or "how horrible you will never experience this for yourself." Really, is all that necessary? Can we not just celebrate the new life, a gift from God, without making others in the room feel like useless, worthless human beings?

In my circle I have great opportunity to influence kids and sometimes in ways their parents never can. I love that. It truly does take a village to raise a child. My sister recognized that early on and brought us all in. But at the end of a day of influencing, hugging, cheering on, and encouraging, they go home to their parents and I go home to my empty house. Frequently I am beyond happy about that -- and relieved for the peace and quiet! I also know that Steve and I could not do the ministry we're called to do right now if we had little ones needing attention. But then there are those times when it rips my heart out and sends me to God in sobs. Or, worse yet, catapults me far from God, also in sobs. Those are the moments I need to be most aware and on guard but am not. That puts a big bulls eye on my back. I'm standing there waving a red flag and Satan is the bull.

So, if I know that's going to happen, why don't I take precautions? Simply put, I don't know why. Glutton for punishment? Stupid? Yeah, probably a combination of all that.

Wednesdays with Peter

About a month I had an ingenious idea. I want to spend more time with Peter, just as I did with Erica when she was his age. For a while I watched Erica for a couple hours 2 or 3 days a week between her parents' work schedules. That's really how I got to know her and I don't want these years with Peter to pass by without taking advantage of every opportunity.

So, since it is summer and I'm working part-time, I decided I have the perfect set up to do this. My sister works 3 days a week and my mom watches Peter from 8:30 - 2:30. I'm going to pick him up after work on Wednesdays and spend 3-4 hours out and about doing something -- anything.

Yesterday I picked him up and we went to the Chamber of Commerce. We picked up tons of pamphlets and booklets and then went to my house, sat on the deck, and poured over the endless list of activities that will keep us occupied on Wednesdays beginning next week. I have dubbed this activity "Wednesdays with Peter" and plan to chronicle our adventures in a scrapbook.

We have a huge list so we'll have to pick and choose and honestly, some will require more than an afternoon so we'll squeeze in some Saturdays too. I am unbelievably excited! This is just another example of how my sister shares her babies.

But I also know this comes with responsibility. I couldn't love Peter and Erica any more if they were my own. I spend quite a chunk of time with them. That means how I live in front of them must match what I say is true about God. There is no room for hypocrisy as they form their own relationships with Christ. I don't take this lightly. I always have opportunity to apologize when I'm wrong about something, when I mis-speak, or when I don't treat people as I should. Even in the midst of less than perfect actions I can still reflect my Savior.

This is true of all my relationships and I am thinking about this in particular this week as Steve and I have a potentially sticky situation with an unbeliever and how we treat her and respond to her will really test any gaps between words and actions.

I'm Motivated To...

Tonight as I was opening my soda I did a quick calculation to figure about how much it costs us to drink soda every year. Granted it's a very rough estimate but as best I could guess, it's around $540 a year. That's right.....$ 5 4 0!!

I'm completely blown away. That's a ton of money on something that is not so great for me anyway. I could probably go so far as to say it's bad for me. With everything I've read about diet soda, you'd think it would scare me into staying away. It did for a while but then...well, you know.

So, now I'm motivated to take a look at the other seemingly small expenses we have. I'll bet I can come up with at least another $1000. Properly invested, this can really stack up. Or better yet, properly invested in God's Kingdom, it can stack up even more.

Does this kind of thing motivate anyone else?

There You'll Be

Happy Father's Day, dad. I love you. I miss you. That's all I can muster. But the words of the song "There You'll Be" says it all anyway.

"When I think back on these times, and the dreams we left behind, I'll be glad 'cuz I was blessed to get to have you in my life. When I look back on these days, I'll look and see your face. You were right there for me.

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life. I'll keep a part of you with me; and everywhere I am there you'll be. Everywhere I am there you'll be.

Well you showed me how it feels; to see the sky within my reach. And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through, I owe so much to you. You were right there for me.

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life. I'll keep a part of you with me; and everywhere I am there you'll be. Everywhere I am there you'll be.

'Cuz I always saw in you my light, my strength. And I want to thank you now for all the ways, you were right there for me. You were right there for me always.

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life. I'll keep a part of you with me; and everywhere I am there you'll be. Everywhere I am there you'll be."

Clean & Organized

One of my big goals when I went to part-time was to do that really in depth cleaning where you throw tons of stuff away because it's just taking up space and you don't use it. It makes me giddy with excitement even thinking about how pretty it looks.

I'm always amazed at how much I can throw away even when my house looks clean and tidy! I have slowly begun to take on the task of major closet, cupboard, and drawer cleaning. Yesterday I worked on my pantry and lazy susan. To my dismay I found a few things I bought, obviously intending to use in a recipe but never did, and the expiration date was llloooonnnnggg past. After I finished with all my tossing, combining, and reorganization, I stepped back and just stared at the materpieces. It was a sight to behold, let me tell you. Looks a little bare but everything I now have I know I will use and the clutter of extra cans and boxes is gone! Just like that!

I couldn't wait for Steve to get home so I could show him. He feigned interest but I know better. He said "wow, you're quite the organizer" as I bubbled around him exclaiming "I KNOW!" The truth is it doesn't matter to him either way. But me? I'm pretty sure I slept better last night knowing how clean and organized my pantry was!

But just so you know I'm not entirely over the edge, there really is a spiritual aspect too. I've been thinking a lot lately about how easy it is to clutter my life with all sorts of things I will either never use or while I have intentions of using, I never do. I also bring in all those "expired" things, long past, and torment myself with them. In the midst of that, it's easy for me to forget the saying "Keep the main thing, the main thing."

I think often I need to not only take a few hours one afternoon to clean my closets of junk but also to clean my heart and mind of the junk I'm storing there too. The results will be far greater and mean so much more when someone says "wow, you're quite the organizer!"

Here's a couple of verses that speak to this. One speaks of cleaning (throwing off) and the other of forgetting what is behind. See, I told you I could tie in a spiritual implication.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." ~ Hebrews 12:1

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 3:13-14

New Life

A couple of months ago I posted about my cousin Kristin and her husband Jon beginning their 3rd trimester with their first baby. It was one of the fun things going on around me at the time. On may 4th Mia Elizabeth Hartzler made her first appearance outside the womb. A teeny, tiny, beautiful baby girl. And I call her Mia Betty. Just like her momma -- Kristin Betty.

Holding a newborn causes the tears to sting my eyes. Part of it could be in knowing I will never have that joy personally. I've realized it's okay for me to have fully accepted this and yet still have it be an area I always need to be aware of as the potential for spiritual attack is so great. I will likely take it to my grave. But I think the bigger reason is because in that very second I'm looking at a new life, a child created in the image of God, fearfully and wonderfully made as the Psalmist wrote (Psalm 139:14).

As I look at Mia I wonder what she'll be like, how she'll look, and the questions swarm my mind. Will she be laid back or intense? What will be the extent of her rebellion? Will she trust God with everything in her? Will she trust him as her Savior? When? Will she love freely and completely? Will she marry? What kind of man will she marry?

I marvel at the detail that even the tiniest of bodies hold. The dimples where knuckles will be, the lines in the fingers and toes. The furrow in the brow. The ability to completely trust the adult who is wrapping their arms around them in that moment. Even in the earliest ultra-sounds the detail was amazing. In one of them it looked as if she were waving. Even in those pre-birth pictures, as she was woven together by God himself and his eyes saw her unformed body, she was loved. By Him...by Kristin and Jon...and so many others.

I hope I never get over it -- the wonder of a new life. God forgive us for being a nation, a people, who do not value life as He does. Both the unborn and the elderly. May we, as believers, unite together on our faces before our Creator, and humbly intercede for our nation.

Even now the song "Because He Lives" resonates in my brain, this verse in particular:

How sweet to hold a new born baby, and feel the joy, and love she gives. But greater still, the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because he lives, all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living, just because He lives.

Congratulations Kristin and Jon! May you never forget either...may you always point Mia to Christ....and may she love Him as you do.

Picture notes: the top is Mia taken in the first few days; the second is Mia at 4 weeks; the last is my beautiful cousin Kristin and Mia at the family shower this past weekend.

The Beauty Within a Day's Drive

On Saturday Steve and I took Peter to the Battle of the Little Bighorn although in my head it will forever be known as Custer's Battlefield. I was shocked to realize Peter hadn't been there even though he was born here and always lived here! In retrospect, though, it's not that unusual to not take advantage of the beauty within your reach. We all get so busy with life that we don't get out into our own backyards (so to speak) and revel in its beauty.

We had such a fun day and even though I've been there a half a dozen times or more, I never tire of reliving this part of history. It hits me fresh every time and I love to go with people who have never been and see it through their eyes too. As usual I wasn't disappointed this time either as Peter learned about this event that took place just a short drive from us. His eyes lit up time and time again as he read the excerpts to us on the walking trails. It was magnificent.

As we drove the 55 miles there, I couldn't believe how green it is out there this year. Of course the tons of rain we've had the last month should have made it obvious but I hadn't thought much about it. As we made our way down the highway I fondly remembered (mostly to myself but a few sentences here and there out loud) driving that same road so many times heading to the stores I was responsible for in Wyoming. Those were some of the best hours with just me and God, and a bag of licorice almost 100% of the time. It seems like a lifetime ago and I guess given all that's happened to us the last 2 1/2 years, it has been a lifetime.

I also saw another first...we were driving the few miles to the Reno / Benteen section of the battlefield. From about 50 yards in front of us, up flew this huge hawk with at least a 3 foot snake hanging from his beak. Lunch. Yummy. I hurriedly opened the window and just snapped the camera. I got a picture but it ended up being farther away than I would have liked and I didn't have time to zoom in. It's okay, though, because it's frozen in my mind.

I love living here. I love being from here and growing up here. I think I appreciate it all the more having moved to other states and having the privilege of moving back. We ended our adventure at a local icon, The Purple Cow.

Steve, Peter, and I as we began our adventure:

The view from the drive:
Peter reading on the trail:
Peter and Steve:The battlefield:The National Cemetery and Old Glory whipping in the midst:

The Building Isn't Sacred

Yesterday afternoon I went out to Laurel to work in the church. Knowing I'd be in it for a couple of hours I took a few CDs to listen to while I worked. I gathered up all the stuff I'd need and then popped in the CD. Nothing came out of the speakers but the player was clearly working - that I could hear. So what's a girl to do? Pick up the phone and call Steve! He told me sometimes the player in the back doesn't work and I should use the computer.

Ah, good idea! I went to the front, turned on the machine and popped the CD in the tray. Remembering it's hooked to the wireless mic, I turned that on too. I was so proud. Until no sound came out. AARRRGGGHH! I went back the sound cabinet and messed with the volume buttons for port 5 - that is where the list said it is wired (note - I was very careful to remember what I moved so I could move it all back - so kind of me, right?). Still nothing. Now what does a girl do? She calls Steve again.

"Did you turn on the wireless mic?" he asked. Okay, now I was really annoyed -- "how stupid does he think I am?" I muttered to myself. He could tell I was clearly not happy with the question by the way I answered a very curt "yes". He said short of coming out there, he really didn't know. Okay, I thought, so get out here! Drop everything and fix this! Yes, I'm generally this reasonable.

Then I had another thought - what if this were Bible study night and I couldn't get the sound to work for the video? I decided not to call him and jump on that one. For a brief second I gained my wits and said to myself "What if the sky fell chicken little?" It didn't last long.

I messed some more with the sound stuff but never did get any music. Then I was mad. Really mad. Out loud I said (quite angrily I admit), "I can't be here for 2 hours with no music and no one to talk to!" I marched up front, grabbed my CD, put in the case, and then threw it in the chair. I even thought of kicking the wall on my way by, as if that would help. I opted for ranting, again out loud but clearly only to myself, about how stupid it was and they should just quit changing ports and stations, and on and on, mostly with me as the victim.

After 5 minutes of working silently I found myself thinking about what great behavior that was -- and in a church no less. As if that makes it worse. In all reality, it was good I was in a church, all by myself. That same behavior in a public place would have totally ruined any credibility I had in my witness. After all, the building isn't sacred or holy. I am. At least I'm supposed to be. The church is made up of believers that just happen to meet in a building we affectionately call the church.

The problem wasn't that I was in a place where we meet for worship. The problem is that I was a big baby because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. This is good progress for me. Historically I would have just zoomed right past it, never realizing and/or acknowledging my poor behavior and thus never learning from it.

And it makes a good story too.

In The Right Time

I have a picture hanging in my cubie, mostly because it makes me smile every time I look at it. When we started Awana Cubbies in January, Steve went every week so he could oversee the process and also get to know the kids and their parents, most of whom don't attend our church.

He participated in all the crafts with them and one week they colored a picture that had the verse below on it. He gave it to me as a gift because I ask him a lot if he has a present for me. No particular reason why I think I should get 50 presents a month but I just like to (as an aside, I also like to give presents). Almost always the answer is no...but this time, I got a surprising YES and it makes me laugh because he gave me just what I asked for but not at all what I was really expecting (or necessarily wanting).

Anyway, the verse comes from Ecclesiastes 3:11a:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

All I can say is the following: when is it my time? Please, dear Lord, make it soon!

Graduation!

Okay, so now we survived part 3 of the graduation festivities and as it turns out, my Monday didn't end up being as crazy as I thought it would be. I can breathe.

Contrary to my belief that the ceremony started at 7, it actually started at 7:30. That means we were there way too early and then of course it went on way too long! But I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Because it was long and oh-so-hot, I really didn't think about the finality of graduation until after it was over and we made our way down to the floor for pictures.

I cried which probably goes without saying. What happened to the last 18 years? When Erica was born, I was just a smidgen older than she is now. It has flown by. She was just our baby girl and now she is college freshman. Oh, and she can vote this year! On Saturday my brother and I marveled at how the time passed and yet we never got older:) Yeah, right.

I hugged her and didn't want to let go. I told her how proud I was and how much I loved her. And I hung on. She did too. She's ready and I am not. And she's not even mine but I feel like part of her is. It's all very surreal.

Congratulations Rica Rain. We are all so proud of you!

First the fun picture. Steve swooped her up from the back. This first one is a "whoa!" by Rica and then an actual pose:

A very proud Uncle Edward:
And Aunt Lora:
And mom and dad:
And grandma:And Peter:And, of course, me: