A couple weeks ago I was asked to speak to a group of women about inner beauty. The invitation came as the result of a speaking engagement two years ago when I spoke on the same topic. The audience is different this time and the type of event is different so while some of the content will be the same or similar, overall it will be new.
Initially I was ecstatic--I enjoy this kind of thing and I'm passionate about it. I've been praying for more opportunities just like this. But in the last week I've grown increasingly anxious about it. Why would anyone want to listen to me? What makes me think I've got anything worth sharing? What if I stink? And tonight when I got home from Bible study I told Steve I feel like I should throw in the towel on that and the two weekly studies I lead. I just can't do it.
This insecurity I have is sometimes so prevalent and so severe at times I have physical reactions to it. It's maddening. I keep going back to the last study I did where the point was made that thinking too lowly of myself is still pride because the focus is still me. The truth is I'm not good enough. I'm not worth listening to. But God is.
And I'm reminded about something that was said to Steve and I the night he was ordained. God doesn't call the qualified--he qualifies the called. So, if he's called me to speak at this event, then he's also qualified me or is qualifying me. It's not at all about me. And now I must say that to myself over and over between now and November.
"It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me." As an aside, it's not about you either:)
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