Honoring Dad

As I type this, my dad has been in Heaven for 14 months. I tried very hard not to have unrealistic expectations of the "first year" stuff but as it turns out, I seem to have inadvertently allowed myself to be drawn into that cycle. We made it through the first holidays, birthdays, Father's Day, and I thought there would be a noticeable difference in how much I missed him. Wrong! I miss him just as much on this 2nd Father's Day as I did on the first -- maybe more.

I think about him all the time, cry as freely as I did a year ago, and it's all strangely comforting to be able to do so. So much of who I am, how I think, and how I approach life is from his influence. He was amazing; gentle, kind, patient, loving, and the list goes on. He exuded a calmness and peacefulness. Everyone loved him. While I knew all this about my dad, his funeral was a confirmation of how many lives he touched, how loved he was, and I was in awe at the different types of people who came out to celebrate his life and support us. There were people there from the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich; white collar, blue collar, different classes -- dad definitely didn't discriminate. He treated everyone the same and showed them he truly cared about them. He was a walking, talking, living example of the gospel of Christ. I don't think he could've left a better legacy than that.

I am profoundly grateful to have had him as my dad. He was my biggest cheerleader and I felt like I could accomplish anything, be anything, and go anywhere because he believed in me. I remember him telling me after my muscular dystrophy diagnosis that the only limits I had were self-imposed. Much of the last year I have felt limited, as if there's so many things I can't do now that he's gone. It was just a couple months ago when I had this epiphany that such attitudes are in stark contrast to how dad would want me to live. He would be horrified if I stopped pursuing my hopes and dreams based on the fact that he is gone. He always said life was for the living and that statement, while so simple, is truly profound. The best way I can honor my dad is to set my sights high, continue to dream and live my life to the fullest. Every day I have is a gift and what a shame it would be to waste a single one as I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

When I spoke at dad's funeral I ended by sharing a piece of wisdom from my dad. About a year before he died I stopped by to visit. He was working in the garage so before I went in the house I stopped to chat with him. He commented that the next week would be his dad's birthday. I asked him if he still missed his dad (he died when my dad was just 17 so it had been 45 years) and was surprised that after all those years the answer was still yes. He went on to say "Jury, you never really get over the death of a parent. But as the years pass, the sadness is replaced by all the fond memories." So I chose a year ago, and I choose again today to believe my dad because never once in my life did he give me bad advice. (side note - NO, I did not misspell my name; that is just something my dad called me, actually it was usually Jury-Jury!)

As I close, I encourage all of you who still have your dad to seize the day and let them know what they mean to you. And to my dad, I say thanks -- for so many things but mostly for loving me, loving my mom, creating a safe and happy childhood, laughing with me, crying with me, encouraging me, and for raising me with a knowledge of who Jesus is and his sacrifice for me. By being the kind of dad you were, it was easy for me to realize God is a Father I can trust with my life.

I love you deeply and miss you every day. Happy Father's Day dad.