Friends

Last week the boys had a friend staying with us (Kaycee) and it gave me cause to think about friends, both current and past, and the different kinds of friends I've had over the years. Before I share my reflections, I want you to know how incredibly difficult this picture was to take! We'd get one or two to sit but the 3rd, NO WAY! First Jake started growling and his hair stood up so we moved him for a second; then Kaycee decided she could move too, then Sam. It was challenging to say the least....so, at least pretend to enjoy it, okay?

My first reflection is how easily some friends come and go. When I'm in the season of life where they are truly friends I hang out with, I wonder how I managed without them. And then they're gone -- guess what? I CAN go on without them. I call these my "seasonal" friends.

Then there are what I call "low-level" friends meaning when we're at the same event we enjoy spending time together, laugh, and chat, but we never really talk on the phone or hang out together. These friends are necessary and are so easy, but they are surface. We exchange funny stories but I would never feel I could really open up or share anything deep with them.

Next I have "mid-level" friends. These relationships are half way between low and high level (thus the very creative name). They are a bit deeper, I talk to them occasionally by phone or e-mail, get together with them outside the norm every now and again, and they have impacted me in some way. There is not any real accountability and while we share in each other's lives, it is not soul bearing.

My last kind of friends are truly the most cherished, my "high-level" friends. These are girls I can call in the middle of the night, we share accountability, and we are deeply involved in each other's lives. I absolutely adore these women. These kind of friends are few and far between and these friendships are hard! They require work, forgiveness, and complete vulnerability. These are the women who aren't afraid to tell you "it's not about you", "get over youself", and yet you take it from them because you know they love you. In turn, you reciprocate out of love. I consider myself incredibly blessed to have 2 or 3 of these -- remember, I said they are RARE, and I am not kidding. I always laugh, a bit nervously, as one of these women will start a conversation with "you know I love you, right?" Uh-Oh... confrontation coming! But it's okay, because I probably need a kick in the pants and she really does care about what happens to me. These friendships take a long time to develop and require complete trust. They're not always local either; they may be easier if you're in the same town but this is not at all crucial. It doesn't matter what form they come in, all that matters is that we need them. Desperately.

The truth is we need all of these kinds of friends. If you're single they're crucial and if you're married they're crucial. Women need friends because we are so relational -- and by having them, it allows us to let the guys in our lives off the hook. Husbands can't fulfill our need for women friends and it's crazy to assume they can.

I truly hope you have all of these types of friends in your life and you're working towards building those high-level friendships. The few lemons you might get along the way are worth it when you find the 1 or 2 you know you can trust -- always, with anything.

I love all my friends and I am so grateful to have some in every category. It hasn't always been that way and it ebbs and flows but what great gifts "our girls" are! I can't imagine having trod these past 2 years with so much loss and change as a lone ranger.