Not Really My Choice After All

About a month ago I made the decision to hand over my Thursday night girls at Emmanuel to another capable teacher and start a Bible study at Calvary. It was hard but I know it was exactly what we needed to do for the women in Laurel. With great thought I settled on studying The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. I led this study in the fall of 2005 and the classes began the same week Steve set foot in the sands of the Iraqi desert. He started about 150 miles from where Abraham was called and it was there in that same desert God called Steve to ministry. I adored this study for many reasons but mostly for the simple reason that I felt a strange connection to him as I walked through the pages where he was walking physically.

So, assuring myself I could get something completely different from the study, I chose it again. I realized yesterday it wasn't really my choice. As I did the first lesson about God telling Abram to leave his country, his people, and go to a land he didn't know (Genesis 12) I had a serious light bulb moment. This is exactly where Steve and I are.

Okay, well, we haven't been asked to leave our country exactly but we have moved into full-time ministry, left our comfort zone, financial security, and while we don't exactly where we're going, we do have an idea (unlike Abram). I thought to myself yesterday, "yep, this study is going to be more for me than the ladies." Granted, God will take them on a journey too but something tells me "my" choice wasn't really mine. God appointed this study for me again in this season of my life. And I need it desperately. I was particularly moved by a quote out of the study today:

"However, the honeymoon period we spend swimming in the spring of a direct word from God is sometimes followed by a trip to the desert."1

That completely describes my time with God right now. And the sermon on Sunday talked about this very thing as well. Oh, how I need an oasis in my desert!

1 The Patriarchs by Beth Moore, p16