Meetings

This is generally how I feel about meetings. Rarely they are fun; sometimes they are productive; often they are a necessary evil; most frequently they are agonizingly hard to sit through (I almost always have ants in my pants). If you work outside the home, I know you feel my pain!

You Shall Call Her Princess

There was a day of study this week that really touched my heart, quite possibly because almost every girl dreams of being a princess at some point in her childhood.

The lesson was on Sarai, the wife of Abraham and God said to him in Genesis 17:15, "you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah." The meaning of the name Sarah? It's princess.

Sarai was almost 90 years old and had never given birth. In a time and culture where barrenness was a shame to the woman, her husband, and her family, Sarai was likely looked upon as useless, unfit, an outcast, a freak. In this I can relate. But to God? She was to be the mother of a nation, kings would come from her, and He blessed her.

"You shall call her Princess", God said. And one of the last lines of that day's lesson read this way:

God can change anyone -- no matter what she's been called -- into a princess. (1)

My heart just melts at the thought and the one below too. Revel in the words of the Psalmist today:

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord. ~ Psalm 45:11

(1) The Patriarchs by Beth Moore; 2005; page 47

God's Timing

Yesterday in our continuing sermon series in the book of Mark and The Demonstration of Divinity (how Jesus' life proved he was God), our pastor talked about Jesus and healing which pretty much finished up chapter 1.

The basic gist was this - physical healing is temporary; spiritual healing is the ultimate healing (those were actually 2 of the points) and how when God chooses to heal it's for His glory and choosing not to heal is also for His glory. And His timing is always perfect.

Since I listen to every sermon twice, I get a chance to mull it over after the early service and really expand on its meaning as I listen at Calvary. So, I got to thinking how that is such a universal principle.

Stick with me here as I bring in another avenue. Then last night as I did my daily Bible study lesson, it was on Abraham (of course since the study is on the patriarchs) and how nothing is too hard for the LORD, specifically how Abraham and Sarah had a child at the ages of 100 & 90, respectively.

This all tied in for me how God will systematically remove all common sense methods of problem solving, healing, relationships, you name it -- until the only explanation remaining is that it's a miracle. In Abraham's case there was no fertility clinic, no invitro (sp?), and they were old! So, for them to move from a childless existence to birthin' a baby was a complete act of God - a miracle. And I have no reason to believe God is out of the miracle business.

The trick in all this is to have faith (credited as righteousness; see Genesis 15:6) in the wait so that God can come along in His perfect timing and give you, um, me, nothing less than a miracle. And so I wait.

Re-focusing With the Help of Humor

In an effort to get my mind off something (actually someone) I find really annoying right now, I've decided to break and write a few things on my blog.

I received 2 of the funniest e-mails today - funnier than I've seen in a long time. So funny, in fact, I was snorting. Below is a sampling -- very hard to choose! I have begun laughing again as I previewed them so surely this will help me re-focus and avert a disaster.

Do's and Dont's of childcare:

And these were just funny pictures taken from a government website with some random interpretation of what they could mean. Here I go, snorting again....

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one (1) armless hand.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Liberty and Security

I generally feel patriotic every day, grateful to live in a free country and proud to be an American. My feelings were intensified yesterday as I read through idiotic comment after idiotic comment on a blog through the online newspaper. I get so aggravated at the uneducated and go-with-the-flow opinions on those things and they make me so mad I don't even know why I bother to scan them. And yet periodically I subject myself to mind-numbing torture.

In any case, I thought of a quote I put on the family calendar this year -- that was my big Christmas surprise for my family this year -- a calendar with childhood pictures and fun clip art, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. all noted on there. It was a winner.

Anyway, I put quotes or verses on each month depending on occasions, holidays, and for July chose the following quote from Benjamin Franklin. Maybe I should put that on the paper's blog (except I don't want to bother with getting an i.d. and giving them my e-mail address)!

They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security deserve neither liberty or security.

Well said Mr. Franklin, well said.

Who May Approach?

In my Bible study lesson yesterday I was directed to Psalm 24:1. Turned there, read it, answered the question, done. As I frequently do in these situations, I read the surrounding text. I didn't need to in this case because the answer was obvious and straight forward but I did so anyway.

And now I have a rich treasure on which to meditate.

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. ~ Psalm 24:3-4

This is a reminder that without the sacrifice of Christ, the answer to the question is "no one". Not one of us has a pure heart or clean hands.

Not Really My Choice After All

About a month ago I made the decision to hand over my Thursday night girls at Emmanuel to another capable teacher and start a Bible study at Calvary. It was hard but I know it was exactly what we needed to do for the women in Laurel. With great thought I settled on studying The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. I led this study in the fall of 2005 and the classes began the same week Steve set foot in the sands of the Iraqi desert. He started about 150 miles from where Abraham was called and it was there in that same desert God called Steve to ministry. I adored this study for many reasons but mostly for the simple reason that I felt a strange connection to him as I walked through the pages where he was walking physically.

So, assuring myself I could get something completely different from the study, I chose it again. I realized yesterday it wasn't really my choice. As I did the first lesson about God telling Abram to leave his country, his people, and go to a land he didn't know (Genesis 12) I had a serious light bulb moment. This is exactly where Steve and I are.

Okay, well, we haven't been asked to leave our country exactly but we have moved into full-time ministry, left our comfort zone, financial security, and while we don't exactly where we're going, we do have an idea (unlike Abram). I thought to myself yesterday, "yep, this study is going to be more for me than the ladies." Granted, God will take them on a journey too but something tells me "my" choice wasn't really mine. God appointed this study for me again in this season of my life. And I need it desperately. I was particularly moved by a quote out of the study today:

"However, the honeymoon period we spend swimming in the spring of a direct word from God is sometimes followed by a trip to the desert."1

That completely describes my time with God right now. And the sermon on Sunday talked about this very thing as well. Oh, how I need an oasis in my desert!

1 The Patriarchs by Beth Moore, p16

A Humbling Experience

In Steve's new role as Small Groups Pastor, one of our duties is to train leaders how a small group should look, feel, and how they fit into our church strategy. The word "duties" is probably not a great choice of wording because it's not a duty in the typical sense. It's a privilege and honor to be part of these groups termed "turbo". This is our second one and because we're selecting people who are leaders, they are also spiritually mature so the feel of the group is far different than many small groups. It is time-defined, specific in purpose and because of that is also closed. The groups these leaders start will not be closed.

Because these groups have a spiritually mature atmosphere, they gel quickly and prayer has consistently been one of the most important values. And so last night during prayer time Steve had us tell the group one personal prayer request and we prayed for the person across from us. I've been in countless prayer times before and I never really thought about how humbling it is -- until last night.

After we prayed, Steve commented on how humbling and surreal it is to hear somebody audibly pray for your very personal request. Frequently we pray for others but we don't necessarily know a specific concern. In a way it's weird to hear someone utter your name while you're right there but they aren't talking to you at all (this has happened to me frequently in the last month as my doctor talked to Steve about my lip, surgery, recovery, etc. while I sat there seemingly invisible to either of them).

It's not only humbling to be prayed for but also humbling to realize we are making our requests known to the God of the universe. Not that he doesn't know them already but that's a thought for a different time.

And so I am humbled -- at the ability to pray, at the love and concern of a new group, and at the idea that God desires to answer those prayers. It's all good stuff.

What Is That Smell?

Man, the funniest thing happened to me last night. I was cleaning and straightening up a bit for small group tonight and the time came for me to dust. I went to the cupboard and pulled out my Swiffer handle and dug in the box for a new duster to put on it. Mission accomplished and quite satisfied, I headed to the living room to begin my dusting venture.

As I walked I kept smelling this incredibly strong odor. Even if it weren't strong, I would've recognized something out of the ordinary because I seem to have a really acute sense of smell. I've been known to walk around the house sniffing like a dog looking for a particular "out of order" smell. But I digress. So, in search of this smell, I backtrack and still smell it. Not a bad smell, mind you, just different.

Finally I say to Steve who is diligently working on this computer, "Do you smell an overwhelmingly strong lemon odor?" He looked up at me as if I asked him something very strange. I stared back. He lifted up his arm, pointed to my duster and said, "It's that thing in your hand!"

I lifted it to my nose, took a sniff, and sure enough it was really lemon-y smelling! I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Oh, okay." Then I turned to resume my dusting but was interrupted by an outburst of laughter from Steve. I believe his next words were, "You're such a dork" but I couldn't exactly hear through the mocking.

Oh, how boring a life he would lead without me!

I'm Happy For You.....But....

Have you ever had a time when you were really, truly happy for someone but you were also so insanely jealous you just had a hard time expressing your happiness along with them? It could be over the purchase of a home (better than yours), a car (newer than yours), a vacation (somewhere you always wanted to go), and the list goes on an on.

That's where I am. I have a friend that I am really happy for and I so desperately want to share in her happiness but when I do, I just get jealous, depressed, and seriously covet what she now has. It's making me crazy, uh, er, crazier!

I don't think this is just a "Julie battle" -- perhaps some struggle with this more than others but I think to a certain degree we all have that little green monster in us called envy. The thing about envy is that it steals our joy, robs us of contentment, and creates in us a cavernous hole that will never be filled. There is always something else to want.

As you might expect, scripture has a lot to say about envy; man does it ever! Here are just a few examples.

Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (yipes! I better examine my love factor toward my friend)

Galatians 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious......(v20) jealousy (v21) envy...

James 3:16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

1Peter 2:1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

Now, I could be wrong here, but after reading those, I think I can safely conclude I should rid myself of all envy. Agreed? I thought so.

Beautiful

I kept the following verse because it was my verse of the day when my dad died; April 13, 2006. I don't generally use this translation but it was on a calendar from a friend in this version. Interestingly enough, I used this very verse a couple of years ago in a talk I did.

Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:4 (TLB)

Not much is beautiful about me these days -- inside or out but I'm mostly referring to inside. I can say all the right answers and do all the right things but that simply makes me a phony. A fake. Sure, I believe them too but my beliefs certainly don't permeate my thoughts much these days. I'm too busy and in going through all the motions, I find I've lost my passion for some things and my desire for others.

Ever been in one of those really dark places? A place you know you shouldn't be but you don't have the strength to get out? A place where you just think it's easier to run with abandon than to see it through? Me too.

Missing Dad

Since Saturday I have been missing my dad horribly. No particular reason. Early January holds no specific special day such as birthday and that's probably why the hurt seems intensified. I find I brace myself for his birthday, Father's Day, holidays, and all other special days so I'm ready for the sorrow. But not January 5th...or 6th...or 7th.

The first wave hit me as we walked through the Sears tool section on Saturday. I had flashbacks of walking those aisles with my dad, of buying him gifts in that department and I just desperately wanted to talk to him.

Then yesterday my mom and Peter came by after church for lunch and I just felt like something, actually someone, was missing. There was a huge vacancy that can only be filled by my dad.

And today? Well, I just have something big going on in my life and it's at these crucial decision points I always got solid advice from my very wise dad. I want to hear him say, "Well, Jury Jury, that sounds like a good idea."

As if you probably don't think I'm weird enough, I have these two things I ponder at times like this: first, I pray "God, I don't know if it's possible or not but if you don't mind, please tell my dad how much I love him and miss him." I don't know if he does it or not, but I know he is able if he wants to and so I ask. You have not because you ask not, right?. Second, I entertain myself with thoughts of my dad having conversations with Abraham, Isaac, David, and the masses of saints that are with Christ. I can imagine a conversation something like this:

Dad: Hey, David, there's this thing called the internet and you can find out virtually anything at the click of a button. And have I told you about the phone?

David: I was a really powerful king; God called me a man after his own heart.

Dad: Yeah, that's pretty cool.

David: And did you know I struck down Goliath, a GIANT of a man, with a stone and slingshot?

Dad: You know, I read about that. It happens to be a popular story in Sunday School.

And in my head it goes on from there. And not just with David. While it may seem weird, it is strangely comforting to picture my dad having these conversations. I told Peter about it one day and he said "Nana, you're very weird." I'm sure he's not alone in thinking that.

I Just Want To Cry

Do you ever have those moments when you just want to sit down and cry? I'm having one of those moments, even as I type.

I went home for lunch and since the mail had already arrived, I perused through it. There was something in the mail that has seriously ruined my day. I stared in disbelief as I read it and then promptly wanted to sit down and cry. The thing is, there is nothing more I can do about it. Absolutely nothing. It will either be rectified or it won't and all I can do is wait. Those who should be working on it are on top of it and it is completely and utterly out of my control. Maybe that's what bothers me most.

We ended up going to Quizno's for a sandwich and as we drove I was sick to my stomach. I had worked myself up into such a frenzy that it truly hurt. As we sat at a red light, I had a moment where I could almost audibly hear God ask me "are you going to let me work this out for you or are you going to try to do it yourself?" And right there I knew that God has to work it out -- for this to turn out differently than I think, it will require a work of God and nothing less. It was one of those a-ha moments and seriously I felt better almost immediately.

I still want to cry but for reasons other than just this -- to me it represents a huge kink in an otherwise perfect plan I had going. But God can work that out too.

Thanks for reading....

Airplane Mis-Adventures

When I was returning from my trip to Georgia I had the unique opportunity to see both the best and worst of people, and sadly myself as well.

The usual place you can see the worst of people is when a flight is delayed. As a general rule, that doesn't send me over the edge. I figure it just happens, they do their best to reschedule and I've never taken it out on the gate agent; not only is it not their fault, I find they work harder for those who treat them with respect and compassion. I watch in shock and awe as people get red in the face, make threats and I've often feared for the safety of the person who bears the message. I had two occasions on this most recent trip to witness the true ugliness of people in that situation. While that didn't bring out my ugly, there were two other situations that did and I chose the one below because it has a funny side too.

On one leg of my flight (I had 6 total) I was seated in the same row as a most unusual woman. Actually, she annoyed the dickens out of me. Fortunately we had a seat between us. I like to sit on the aisle so I'm free to get up and down if I need to without bothering others; however, I'm not one who gets uptight when those next to me want out (unless it's 7 times on a 2-hour flight). I mean, really, somebody has to sit in the middle and by the window and if they need out, they need out. No biggie. But this woman? Man, she sent me over the edge. I saw her unbuckle her belt and store her things and thus concluded she needed to get up. I was watching a DVD so I began to move stuff so I could close my tray table to get up. As soon as I clicked it up, she attempted to climb over me. Not joking. Climb over. Now, unless you're related to me, this is a really, really bad idea! I said "what are you doing?" In a very nonchalant way, she said "I'm not going to make it until we land so I'm going to the bathroom." Well, DUH, I already know that. I said "no need to climb over, I was moving." I let her out and sat down. A few short minutes later she came back but because she came from behind, I didn't see her immediately and in the same fashion, she attempted to climb over me. WHAT? Are you kidding? Again I said "what are you doing?" only this time I added "Did we not just do this? I'm happy to move for you." Okay, well maybe not exactly happy at this point but I'm sure you get it. Why on earth did she think I wanted her bum in my face?

Definitely not a good moment for Julie. Every fiber of my being wanted to push her down and use her as a footstool. I couldn't see her as anything but an annoyance -- not as a person who Christ died for and loves, not as a potential child of God or an already child of God. Nope, not an ounce of kindness for this woman.

I learned a lot about myself that day. In retrospect I don't know what I could have done to not be annoyed by that behavior. I still don't want her bum in my face, or anybody else's for that matter. I don't even really have a great ending for this post. There was no victory. I guess learning something about myself can be considered a small win but in the end I was stirred up and angry inside and as we walked into the same bathroom once we landed, I wanted to give her a swirly. I didn't of course, but it crossed my mind and made me momentarily happy inside at the thought.

Yes, I know...I'm demented, vile, and evil.

Happy 2008!

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the years pass. As I sit here I wonder what 2008 will bring. Looking back over the past few years, I realize each one brought things I never could have imagined when the year began. A short recap:

• 2005 included deployment to Iraq; the sale of the company where I worked; and the passing of Gizmo
• 2006 included the end of my dream job; Steve's call to ministry; my dad's death; and Steve's return home
• 2007 included a new puppy; Steve's departure from the S.O.; and full time ministry

As you might naturally assume, I wonder what 2008 has in store for us. Likely nothing I can anticipate right now and probably something I would have some fear about if I already knew. Thus is the work of God - he slowly prepares us for things we couldn't possibly handle at the present moment.

One thing I never participate in is New Year's Resolutions. Lasting change does not come because I make some momentary resolution and all they do is set me up for failure. So I just don't do it. In the sermon on Sunday, Jim challenged us to make 2008 "The Year of the Lord" in our lives and commit to spiritual growth, more of God, and less of me. I find that to be a fantastic idea and very far from a resolution because that is a prayer God will honor and if I make myself available, He will do the work. The difference is that resolutions depend on me which makes for disaster.

So, that is my non-New Year's Resolution. More of Him, less of me.