Breakthrough!

Last night was both amazing and intensely emotional for me. So much so that I awoke at 3 a.m. and was awake until 4:30 a.m. That NEVER happens to me! Sometimes it takes me a while to fall asleep because my mind won't stop working but last night it woke me out of a deep sleep. My mind just wouldn't stop and as I lay there, the tears rolled down my face. I literally wept. It probably would've been best to get up and write it all down but I didn't have it in me to move.

I have been in one trial after another for 2 1/2 years now -- the hits just keep coming. I know eventually God will grant me a period of rest and after last night I think we're closer than ever. He just didn't want to let me out of it until the purpose was revealed.

I spent a few hours with my mom last night and it was one of the sweetest times we've had since dad died (at least I think so). As I was talking through some things with her and recalling bits and pieces of conversations with others over the last year, everything just fit together. I swear I had a huge light bulb over my head.

I couldn't wait to get home and tell Steve about it. So many times in my life I approach a situation and have no idea why I do what I do, why I react in a certain way, etc. but now I believe I have found the source of most of my insecurities and the emotions are overflowing as a result. It's like all of a sudden so many things make perfect sense. The looming issue now is what I do with this revelation. I feel I am SSSSOOO close to freedom here.

Much processing to do, so little time.......for now I know I can't talk openly about the details and I don't how long it will be until I can or if I'll ever be able to but I do know victory is on the horizon.