Fighting For It

Something happened this week that has turned into a story I love to tell. Initially I was a bit annoyed by it but by the time we had small group that night I'd already begun to find humor in it. Then when I told the story and everyone laughed, I further knew it truly was funny. But, it also has a lesson for me.

These past few months have been such a strain on my ability to function and I've found a few work-arounds that make my life a bit easier. One of them is that getting in and out of the recliner is easier than the sofa. But that afternoon I sat down on the sofa anyway. Steve came home and was in one of the chairs typing away on his computer and I tried to get up so I could get some stuff ready for our small group before they arrived.

I grunted, groaned, grumbled and struggled to try to get up off the sofa. I looked over at Steve who continued to type without much attention to me. Finally I said, "Really? You're not going to help me?" He looked over, almost as if he hadn't noticed I was there before. He said "no, you have to fight for it." This is where people generally bust a gut laughing and rightly so because that's funny stuff.

But at that moment, man, I was annoyed...partly because I was frustrated at my physical limitations these days and partly because he's been so good about helping me out over the past several weeks. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to fight for it and do it alone?

Now it's not like he would've left me there forever had I really been in a bind but if he just jumps in every single time I struggle, I will become far too dependent on him to sustain me. And it would be extremely easy for me to wander back into what I've come to call the "Valley of Self Pity". I so don't need to be there.

The truth is I have to learn (or re-learn) how to do things by myself, even if it hurts or is uncomfortable. I can't have somebody at my side at all times to do things for me. And I have to learn what things I have to let go because I can no longer do them.

This is definitely an interesting season of my life. It's a season of crisis, a season of blessing, a season of suffering, a season of growth and a season of thankfulness all wrapped in one. I may even be missing a thing or two but that wraps it up fairly well.

In some ways I have to fight for my faith. I have to fight the urge to give up, run away, and throw in the proverbial towel. But if I quit half way, I will miss all the blessings God has in store for me at the end. I will miss the ability to be blessed by some and to bless others. There is great opportunity in every aspect of suffering as long as I can get out of myself long enough to let God use it for good.