Facing The Giant Called Fear

One of the most frustrating things I've dealt with these past 18 months has been fear. Things I've never feared before nearly bring me to my knees. Last fall I almost passed on leading Bible study, something I've done for 6 years, because of these fears. I just wanted to stay in the comfort, safety and security of my home. Had I not taken that one small step, into the tender, loving care of my Thursday night girls, I may very well have headed down the road of a recluse.

I now face another aspect of those fears and I am running straight into them, hitting as hard and fast as I can. I am terrified yet I go forward.

The last week of July I am traveling internationally again, albeit a small step, to Toronto, Canada. Steve and I will be part of the small front runner mission team with a goal of setting the stage for future teams working with missionaries already on the ground.

Let me be clear: I am excited yet utterly frightened. It is a strange dichotomy.

When we were first asked to be part of this my gut reaction was to say no. I knew for certain the doctor would say no and while I desperately want to go, I was hoping that could be my out because of these insane fears.

But he said yes. "Canada is no big deal. You don't need shots and there is nothing there that would be any more dangerous to you than where you live. Just be sure to carry the card you received with your medication and secure it between ice packs to keep it cold until you get there," the nurse said.

At once I knew the only obstacle between me and Toronto was my own fear and anxiety. And there is plenty of both. I've never been away from home on "injection day" and the potential for a negative reaction is still all too real. I don't know if I will be able to keep up with the others. I don't know if I will struggle to get through every minute of every day. But I do know I am supposed to go.

In the end, I have to trust my life into the hands of my Creator and the One who sustains my every breath. I don't want to spend the rest of my life missing adventure because of what might happen. I don't want to be a captive. Yes, my current medical condition doesn't allow me to do things I would like and it slows me down or causes me to find a work-around for other things but I don't have to lay down and take it without a fight.

So, fight I will. I plan to get on that plane and do whatever it is God has for us to do in Toronto. I may not be able to go to the jungles of the Amazon or the plains of Africa, but I can go to Canada (among other places) and I will. Who knows? Maybe in the process I just might be a blessing to someone.