Moving the Blog....

I'm moving my blog for a very exciting reason....I am publishing my first book with Crossbooks and have created a website dedicated to this momentous occasion in my life. So, join me at my new website where you'll find my blog, and coming soon, a page to purchase the book, Cries from the Barren Womb.

A Welcome Home Opens Doors

In the past 5 or 6 weeks I was so encouraged and delighted by the same compliment from two different people.

It is really important to me that people feel comfortable in my home. I try really hard to make that happen. The biggest problem I have is that I set pretty high standards for myself so I constantly fret over whether my house is clean enough for others to feel comfortable in. Add to that the great difficulty I now have in keeping my house as clean as I would like and it's almost a recipe for disaster. I've begun to learn those are my quirks and most people don't hold me to such high standards, particularly not when gauging how comfortable they feel in my home, or anyone else's for that matter.

I want people to feel free to help themselves if they are thirsty or hungry. Not only does it let me off the hook to remember to ask and then wait on them hand and foot, it also allows them the freedom to choose and get what they want. So, we grant everyone "refrigerator rights" in our home. This is one of the greatest things I learned from my parents. Seriously, my mom fed anyone and everyone who was hungry or who walked through the door. My brothers always had stragglers with them at dinner time. They never once worried about the cost. They shared and there was always more than enough. I love that.

The most frequently asked question when people visit for the first time or two is, "do you want me to take my shoes off?" or "do I have to take my shoes off?" My answer is always the same...whatever makes them most comfortable is fine with me. Take them off, leave them on, it really makes no difference. I operate under the premise that people are smart enough to know when their shoes are dirty or muddy and will remove them accordingly. If not, the carpet gets a bit dirty and I clean it up. But they have their dignity. For some people, removing their shoes makes them extremely self-conscious. I don't necessarily understand that but having been told that, I know it's true. I've gone to visit people and as soon as the door is opened, they blurt out "take off your shoes!" I find this rude and offensive. It makes me want to turn around, get back in my car and drive away. I no longer want to visit them. I would so much rather hear a "hey, it's good to see you!" First of all, I am smart enough to know my shoes are dirty. Don't insult my intelligence. Second, how about caring more about people than stuff? In 20 years, what matters most - the precious, immaculate carpet or the fact that someone felt loved and welcome in your home? I choose the latter. Always.

So, when these 2 women, separately and days apart, told me they felt welcome in my home, I couldn't have been happier. On of them specifically said "thanks for making me feel like it was okay to leave my shoes on. I knew you were sincere and I felt no pressure to take them off, even though others had." For whatever reason, she felt more comfortable in her shoes than out of them and that's alright by me.

I was struck by the thought that how I treat people when they visit my home can really minister to them. Or it can turn them off. I want people to know that I will always choose to meet their need instead of caring about something getting dirty or ruined. Granted, I expect people to respect my belongings but accidents happen and it isn't the end of the world. I also want to be a good steward of what God has entrusted to me but I don't want it to become more important than the people He sends my way.

And so I will always strive to be welcoming, not so I can wear a badge of honor, but because I want to honor God in everything he has given me, including my house. From the way we ended up in this house, to the price we paid, to the location, there is no doubt God purposed for us to use it for ministry. And the center of all ministry is people, not carpet or furniture or a showplace where nobody feels comfortable. Including me.

Perfection....

In the past couple of weeks I've had the oddest "ah-ha" moments over truths that are not really that profound but they struck me with such awareness I was forced to stop and contemplate the strangeness of such things.

First, somebody posted something like this on Facebook "if Jesus hadn't been crucified, raised to life and then ascended, He'd still be alive today." WOW. In my entire life that had never crossed my mind. Not one single time. Sin is what leads to death (both physical and spiritual) so having never sinned, Jesus would still be alive. That's one of those things that can drive a mind circularly crazy! Yet it's comforting and encouraging at the same time.

The second comes with a bit of a story. Last week Steve and I were having a conversation related to several things someone had said to me that were extremely unkind, unloving and completely out of line. I was trying to process the entire conversation and while I'm sure Steve would rather have been about anywhere else at that point, he simply stayed put and listened.

J: It's not like God expects her, or anyone else, to be perfect anyway.

S: Actually, Julie, that's not true. (At that I jerked my head in his direction and stared directly into his eyes as I knew more was coming.)

J: Please, go on.

S: God does expect us to be perfect. If that weren't true, Jesus would not have had to die. Perfection is the goal, God just knows we are unable to reach it. So there is grace, mercy and forgiveness.

I'm still nearly speechless over that conversation. Obviously not completely or you would not be reading these words right now. That is not horribly out of left field or pulled from the "land of profoundness". It's the basic premise of the gospel. I've heard it a million times, just not in this way. Steve frequently does this to me.

That thought is causing me to look at a whole litany of things differently. How would my actions, reactions and words be displayed if I was focusing on perfection rather than focusing on knowing I will fall short? I believe there is a stark contrast between striving hard for the goal even if I don't attain it, versus settling for less, knowing I have a way out. Don't get me wrong. I am EXTREMELY grateful for mercy, grace and forgiveness for without them I would be eternally lost. And it is no secret to anyone, particularly myself, that I am far removed from perfection.

But in my every day living and decision making, perhaps I would be miles ahead if I focused on doing the perfect thing in the first place. Even if I fall short, I am covered. But on those occasions I don't? I am favored and blessed.

Considering Whether I Can Consider It Joy

I'm only on my second week of a new Bible study and it is seriously tearing my heart into a million pieces. It's a study on the book of James and honestly if I wasn't leading the group, I would be so tempted to quit. It is seriously in my business and my inclination is to run....as far as I can and as fast as I can. Yet I don't feel like that is an option. It is no accident that I am in this study, at this exact time, for a very specific purpose.

The verses we are on this week come from James 1:2-3. "Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."

In this day's homework we were to think about a current trial we are facing. That part is super easy for me. I didn't even have to think about it. Almost as if on auto-pilot, my left hand picked up the pen and wrote "my diseases." The challenge was to name three different things I could do with what I'm going through and was further challenged to consider making one of those options to obey James 1:2. Consider it joy? Are you kidding me? I decided to play by the rules in spite of my initial reaction.

Considering it joy is one of the options I contemplated. After identifying the other two, I then had to list the fruit of each decision and what I believe the 5-year ramifications could / would be. As I pondered each one it dawned on me that regardless of what I choose, there is no guarantee or even a hint that I will be healed at the end of it. That thought added an entirely new dimension to my decision making.

Yesterday was EXCRUCIATING for my soul. It was almost too much for me to bear. I wept as I thought about the consequences of a wrong decision.

Tonight I shared all of this with Steve. I am suddenly aware that if I don't bring a few trusted people into this battle with me I am going to lose. I am fighting for my faith and not faring well going solo. It was through many tears and long pauses that I finally managed to get it out. I absolutely know what I should do but it is not what I want to do. I know all the right answers.

So much is at stake in my battle, just as is true for the battles you face. Tonight I am reminded of the following:

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." ~ James 4:17

Of course that verse is in James. This book and this study are going to completely break me. I suppose that is the purpose.

The Slightest Encouragement

Last week I was battling one of my infamous lip episodes. Even though I caught this one earlier than the others, it still took a toll on my face. The other two were humdingers with my lip hanging down to my chin so in comparison, this one was nothing.

But to me it was definitely something. I'm generally self-conscious so any anomaly is going to be intensified hundreds of times over. By Sunday it was not nearly as noticeable as it had been and people who know me well and know how obsessed I was about it kept telling me it really wasn't a big deal.

And then the most encouraging thing happened. From about 30 feet away I saw a young woman I admire greatly and am always encouraged by. No matter what happens in her life, she stands strong and declares how great God is in the midst of it. Surely she has her moments but you'd never really know it. She waved at me, took her finger and circled her face declaring "you look beautiful!"

"It's my new curling iron!" I exclaimed. She laughed and said it had nothing to do with that. There was not a hint of sarcasm or anything phony in what she said. She meant it and I knew it. I almost bawled right there in front of everyone. She had no idea what was whirling around in that brain of mine. We chatted a moment and then I had to return to my post where I was serving so we parted ways.

She had no idea how that small sentence impacted my entire week. Last night at the Ladies Christmas Party I had the opportunity to tell her how much I appreciated that comment and why. In the midst of a "feel crummy, looking crummy, self-conscious" kind of week, she saw something in me that made her declare its beauty whereas all I could see was a glaring imperfection negatively affecting every thought of myself.

You know, I do what I can to paint the barn (so to speak) but I know for certain this face will never walk a runway. Nor do I have any desire for that. However, if someone can look at me and see any kind of beauty, no matter how small, I declare victory. For I know in and of myself that any beauty I exude is only because of Christ in me. He is beautiful and he's making me beautiful. A beauty that not only lasts as the wrinkles come but actually grows.

Such great hope is found in the slightest encouragement. You never know what that one kind word or deed will do for someone's day, week, month, year or life. It's always worth the time.

Grace and Mercy...A Life Lesson

One thing about taking the same route to work every day is that eventually you begin to pay less and less attention to your surroundings. I first became aware of this years ago after my dad had a heart attack. The doctor asked him if he drove the same route to work every day. He said yes. The doctor then told him that by varying your route, you can reduce stress and it also decreases your chance of an accident as you pay closer attention on roads you don't drive as often. It actually makes complete sense.

What doesn't make sense for me is to change my route because it will add a lot more time and waste gas as I virtually have a straight road between my home and the office. That being said, I found myself fairly unaware of my surroundings as I drove home today. While still in the church parking lot I checked my voicemail. Since I don't have a bluetooth and it's against the law to be on the phone while driving, I no longer do that. But I was in a private lot and I drove off without even thinking about being on the phone. I headed down Monad and before I realized it, a police car was headed towards me and the lights flashed. I knew instantly it was for me. He did a quick u-turn and pulled over behind me as I pulled to the curb.

NUTS! I was suddenly aware of the phone in my ear. Hadn't thought a thing about it up until then. I put the phone down. He walked up to the car and after our courteous greetings here's what happened (he will be "P", I will be "J"):

P: Where you headed?

J: Home.

P: Do you have your driver's license on you?

J: Sure. (as I dug it out as he said....)

P: I first clocked you at 43 (I was in a 35) and when you hit 45 I had to pull you over.

J: Sorry, I wasn't really paying attention.

P: Julie, do you have your registration and insurance?

J: Yes. (I handed it to him).

P: You still at XXX Drive?

J: Yes.

P: When was the last time you were pulled over for speeding?

J: Not sure, but sometime around 1990 when there was no speed limit and the tickets were $5 (seriously, that's true...$5 tickets on the highway during that time).

P: Okay, let me check everything out, make sure you don't have warrants and aren't a terrorist and then I'll be back with a warning.

J: Okay, thanks. (VERY RELIEVED)

He walked away. It wasn't about the phone at all! Not that speeding is better. I texted Steve "NUTS! I got pulled over." "For what?" "45 in a 35." Then a friend called and since I was no longer driving, I picked it up and said "hey, gotta call you back, I've been pulled over." He laughed.

The officer walked back up and said, "Well, you're good to go. Everything is in order as it should be. I'm giving you a warning. Hopefully this will slow you down."

J: Thanks. Sorry about that, I guess I just wasn't paying attention. Crazy thing is, I'm not even in a hurry.

P: *laughs* Have a good night.

J: You too.

He walked away and I drove off, very thankful for the grace and mercy he gave me. He could have given me a ticket and I totally deserved it. But because I had all the proper requirements and I think, in part, because I was so courteous and honest, he gave me a warning instead. Steve used to do that all the time when he was a deputy. If someone was nice, honest, respectful and had everything they were required to have he would give them a warning. If, however, they didn't have a license or insurance or current registration, or were particularly rude and offensive, that was a different story. I used to tell him all the time he was a softie. "Hang 'em!" I declared.

Today I was as grateful to that officer as those who Steve showed grace and mercy surely were. And I think maybe because Steve had shown that to so many others during those years, I received a bit of the "comes around" today. That's how it works....we give grace to others who in turn give it to others who in turn give it back to us. And the cycle continues.

That cycle begins with the grace and mercy God has given first. Undeserved yet so freely given. I thought of that the last few blocks home. Today I received a human version to remind me of the far greater grace and mercy I have been given yet don't contemplate nearly enough. If I did, I would far more quickly extend that to others who unintentionally (or even intentionally) hurt me, say things to damage me and get under my skin. I would be in quite a fix if God so quickly and easily removed His grace or mercy from me. I think we all would.

Let's Return to The Simplicity of Christmas

The last couple of days I've read and listened in disbelief to the stories of sleep deprived, irritated, angry and out-of-their-mind shoppers on Black Friday. Their behavior is incomprehensible. Ever since I read last year about the store employee trampled to death by sale obsessed shoppers as the doors were opened I've thought we'd certainly lost our minds. How could person after person run over the top of another human being with no regard for their safety or welfare, all in the name of getting a few dollars off? Have we completely lost all grip on reality?

This year people were pepper sprayed, bloodied, robbed and looted all in the name of getting the best bargain for Christmas. Has everyone forgotten what Christmas is really all about? Is there no goodwill to be found?

The last few years I have been fairly uninterested in all the Christmas hoopla. There are several reasons for that and not one of them means I have grown to hate Christmas. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The year Steve was in Iraq it didn't make sense to put up a tree and decorate knowing I would be spending the holidays elsewhere. That's what started my trek to a simpler Christmas. Then a couple of years ago marked the beginning of my health decline and I did not have the energy to get out of the chair, let alone decorate the house. So we didn't. But we still celebrated what Christmas is really about, just without all the modern day fanfare. We didn't even buy presents that year. And we survived. Dare I say thrived?

In those days Caesar August issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone went to his hometown to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you. You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." ~ Luke 2:1-12

This is the very meaning of Christmas. While all those shoppers seek to find the "perfect" gift for over-indulged children and adults alike, the truth is the "perfect" gift was a one time occurrence. This time of year so many are stressed, frustrated, angry and depressed. There isn't enough money, not enough gifts when really we have far too much. People seek to find happiness in getting and giving when the real happiness is found in receiving.....receiving that perfect gift God gave us so long ago--a Savior born in a manger, wrapped in cloths. Simplicity is the very way Christmas began. We have complicated it.

And so I call for a return to the simplicity of Christmas.